Today is But Tomorrow's Yesterday
by Ceridwen Lucius
Summary: Subaru has returned to his world but not his home country. Not only did he arrive at the wrong place but also at the absolute worst time. Victim of a traumatic accident, he has lost his memory. The woman who ran into him, quite literally, might be his only hope of reclaiming his past and getting through the present. They might find a future together, escaping their painful pasts.
1. It was just an Accident

Author's note: This story is set quite a few years after the anime as you will find out later since Subaru is older. Since this is an alternate universe fic, ironically finding him back in his actual universe with a different, pretty much opposite premise of the anime. There will be only faint nods to canon material. Canon 'facts' won't really apply here. There are also quite a few OCs introduced in this first chapter but bear with me. I'm hoping this will be okay. My last few attempts at venturing out of my comfort zone material wise didn't work too well. With that being said, on with the story...

* * *

Subaru stood on the edge of the busy thoroughfare of the marketplace. Today was a rare, quiet day in his life. A good day spent indulging in the mundane; running simple errands, purchasing food and supplies and other necessities for another day of life here. He allowed himself to relish the happiness.

Thank goodness not all days repeated themselves, starting over again as if no time had passed. At least no time passed for everyone else. But Subaru remembered everything. Sometimes living alone with the memories was extremely painful, an unbearable burden he had no choice but to endure.

Somehow over time he had adjusted to the tortuous reality of his existence, making the best of it, and sometimes finding drops of joy in the constant downpour of physical pain and mental anguish.

Rem appeared across the street carrying a newly filled shopping bag. She waved, a joyful smile on her face. He waved back, thinking about how much he liked to see her smile. When he first met her, neither she nor her twin sister smiled - ever. Not to think too highly of himself, but he would like to give himself a little bit of credit for putting that smile on her face. She took a step out onto the dirt avenue to come to him.

Then something happened. The world blinked. Like a video game glitch, everything slowed down, then stopped entirely. A white flash, followed by blinding darkness. After that an image appeared of another dirt road; narrower, encompassed by grass on both sides, winding into a thicket of trees.

The sight of Rem walking toward him came back into view for only seconds before another burst of light blazed across his vision. The twisting road materialized again. This time he could see beyond the road to a field bordered by a crude wooden plank fence enclosing a field of sunflowers.

"No. Not again," Subaru whispered, a lump forming in his throat.

The last time this happened he was snatched from his world, life as he knew it, and brought here. He had adjusted. He had made a life here. It had been miserable and filled with agony and discomfort both to his body and mind. His emotions were still raw. Over the years he somehow had finally found happiness, no matter how fleeting, here.

Rem reappeared, running across the street to meet him, but she was moving in slow motion. Then she vanished, and he was returned to the unknown rural area. This time sound came with the image. Cows lowing in the distance. Birds tweeting.

"No, please. Please, don't do this," he begged to whatever was making this happen.

Where would he go now? Home? Back to Japan and the life he knew. What if it was some other world he didn't know? He couldn't go through that again.

Rem was closer than before, but her body was no longer proceeding forward. Her limbs moved in jerky, spastic motions like an online video game on the fritz due to internet buffering. Was his life here coming to an end?

"Subaru!" Rem called, her voice echoing, sounding as if it came from a distance although she was right in front of him.

"Rem!" he yelled back, reaching for her.

Then she was gone. He was standing on the empty dirt road alone. The air was warm and humid. Everything was too bright; the sun, the green of the grass, the yellow of the sunflowers. A roaring like that of a great beast, possibly a dragon, filled his ears. But it wasn't a dragon.

The growling sound came from an engine, a truck - a big black truck. The sunlight glinted off of the shiny chrome crash bar covering the front of the grill. He couldn't help but smile at the irony of the truck being equipped with crash bars seconds before the vehicle slammed into him. Well, this was just perfect. Such a typical way to start his life in a new world.

\\..'../

"OH MY GOD!" Millie screamed in disbelief as she watched what looked like a human body hurtle through the air.

She stomped both feet on the brake, virtually standing up on it to bring the truck to a stop before she ran over the as of yet unidentified object she prayed wasn't a person. Although she had not been going fast, the dirt was dry and loose causing the truck to slide sideways. Grasping the wheel until her knuckles turned white, sucking in short, fast inhales of air, she tried to gather her hopelessly scattered wits.

Surely she hadn't actually hit a person. She had to be seeing things. It had to be a deer. Those damn things were suicidal, jumping in front of vehicles all of the time out here. That's why she put the crash bars on her truck.

Craning her neck to see through the passenger's side window, plumes of dust swirled around the truck blocking out everything, giving the situation an even more surreal feel. She thought she had seen a person appear, like magic, out of the thin air right in front of her. All of a sudden he was just THERE! But that couldn't have happened.

"Please, let it be a deer," she murmured out loud, her hand shaking as she opened the door.

Sliding from the seat, her jellied knees almost buckled when she hit the ground from her perch in the high truck. Her father had asked her why the hell a girl needed such a big truck. The bigger the better she thought since she lived in the country. Besides...Why should all the best toys be for men alone?

The dust cloud started to clear, being carried away on the hot, steamy Southern summer breeze. Pulling the cell phone from the back pocket of her jeans, she prepared to call 911 as she approached the still man lying on the ground.

He was wearing a black track suit with orange and white accents. She had not knocked him out of his running shoes which she took as a positive sign. His arms and legs didn't seem to be bent at horrifying angles that would indicate compound fractures. She crossed her fingers for no broken bones at all.

There was no blood on the ground behind him or visible on the back of his head which was all she could see presently. His face was turned away so she couldn't see if it was injured.

"I only tapped him so maybe he isn't hurt too badly," she mumbled to herself. But she had hit a human being with her big ass truck!

"911, what is your emergency?" the pleasant voiced and professionally calm operator asked.

"This is Millie Castleberry. I-I hit someone," she said.

"Dammit, Millie! Daddy told you not to get that damn monster truck!" the operator yelled at her.

_Seriously? Out of all of the people to answer the phone at emergency services it had to be her sister, Marianne? Living in a small town sucks!, _she thought, rolling her eyes and groaning.

"Save it, Sis! I've hit someone! Send Bo quick!" she cried out.

Panic swelled inside her chest, squeezing her heart and lungs. Carefully walking around the body, too afraid to move him, she surveyed the damage to his face.

"What do you mean you hit someone?" her sister asked.

"How many things could I mean? Dammit, Marianne! Call the EMT's!" she screamed.

There was a wide gash on his forehead extending from his hairline down to the top of his nose between his eyebrows. Bruises had already formed on under his eyes and on his cheeks beneath the numerous abrasions.

Dizziness swamped her, driving her to her knees in front of the man on the ground. The stranger appeared to be in his mid twenties. Foreign too. Asian. Japanese maybe? His black hair was dark and glossy, short and standing on end in the front giving her an unhindered view of the deep cut on his forehead. It looked bad. Blood covered the side of his face with crimson streaks that ran through his hair onto the dirt road underneath.

"Oh, god," she gasped, nauseated. She wheezed and gulped for air. There wasn't enough air! She couldn't breathe.

"Breathe, Millie, breathe," her older sister and emergency operator coached her on the line. "You don't need to faint. Bo doesn't have time to tend to you when he gets there. I'm sending Hal too."

"No, not Hal," she begged. Hal was the police chief, and someone she didn't want to see for many reasons. "I don't want to go to jail."

"Don't worry about that now. Everything will be fine," her sister returned, her professionalism slipping and her voice wavering.

"I'm scared. What if he dies? I can't...I can't..."

The man groaned, shifting slightly.

"Don't move!" Millie shouted unintentionally, fearful he might incur further injuries if he tried to move.

"What happened?" he mumbled, his tongue thick and his voice garbled.

"I hit you with my truck. I'm so sorry. You just came out of nowhere. Where the hell did you come from?"

"I don't know."

"Is he awake?" Marianne asked.

"Yes, he's talking," she answered her sister before asking him another question. "What's your name?"

"I don't know," he replied breathlessly. "Where am I?"

Millie, near hysterics, had questions of her own. What was he doing here in the middle of nowhere? How did he get here? Teleportation? Magic? No explanation seemed too outlandish at the moment. However, now was not the time to ask those questions. He didn't even know his name.

"You're in the United States. Tennessee to be exact."

"Ten...Ten...wha -" His voice trailed off. He breathed slow and heavy through his mouth, sending up tiny puffs of dirt with each exhale.

Sirens could be heard in the distance.

"Hush. Stop talking. Save your strength. Help is coming."

"Rem, Rem, where are you?!" he yelled, sounding delirious as if he did not know what he was saying.

"What's a Rem?" she contemplated aloud, not expecting an answer.

His eyes opened, and she saw they were a golden brown. He turned his head slightly, focusing his clouded eyes on her. His forehead folded into accordion like furrows. He appeared to be on the verge of tears.

Millie gasped in surprise when his hand unexpectedly seized hers that had been resting on her knee as she knelt beside him. She bit her lower lip to hold back a cry of pain as he crushed her hand in his with an iron hard grip. At least he was strong. That had to be a good.

"Who am I?" he asked, obviously desperate for an answer.

"I-I d-don't kn-know," she stuttered.

The bones shifted in her hand, rubbing together. She feared he might break them, but she refused to complain. He was probably in severe pain.

"I'm so scared. I'm so scared," he repeated breathlessly, a tear leaking from the corner of his eye to mix with the drying blood on his cheek.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, wanting to touch him to comfort him, but she was too afraid of hurting him more.

The ambulance pulled around her truck, coming to a stop behind them on the grass. The fire truck stopped behind her truck. The police car drove up on the other side. They were completely surrounded, and the vehicles created a dust storm.

Millie leaned over the wounded man to keep as much of the dirt off of him as possible. She bowed her head, pressing her face into his back to keep the dust out of her eyes, nose, and mouth.

"Millie, what have you done?" Hal asked, touching her shoulder to make her look up at him.

He was squatting on the other side of the man. She was unable to read the expression in his eyes due to his mirrored aviator sunglasses shielding them.

"It was an accident. I swear, he just came out of nowhere," she cried, creating muddy streaks in the light coating of dust on her face.

"Who is he?"

"How the hell should I know?!"

"What the hell is a foreigner doing out here?" the policeman muttered in confusion, pushing back his straight brimmed hat typically worn only by State Troopers. "Why the hell is he here?!"

"Good question, Hal. I wish I knew," she snapped.

Millie moved out of the way so Bo and the other EMT could tend to the injured man. They placed a backboard behind him then cautiously rolled him onto his back. He cried out in pain, and Millie jumped, instantly feeling like she might throw up. She watched as they cut open the sleeve of the track suit jacket to enable them to get an IV in place.

"Get in the car, Millie. I'll take you to the hospital," Hal said, straightening his hat over his drawn and haggard face.

He looked old and worn out from being one of only four police officers in their small town. That and keeping busy with plenty of extracurricular activities aged him a bit over the last several years.

"What about my truck?" she asked, following him to the standard black and white police cruiser.

"Leave it. This is a private road leading to your house. No one will come out here." He looked back at the stranger being loaded into the back of the ambulance. "Well, no one should have been out here. Besides, Mike is coming out to gather evidence."

He opened the back door of the vehicle for her. She paused, staring at him in horror.

"Am I under arrest?" she inquired, her face becoming deathly pale.

"No," he sighed in exasperation. "I'll be honest though, Millie, you better hope he lives or the best you can hope for is manslaughter. If he lives, he could still press charges and put your ass in jail."

"Hal, I hope he lives because I don't want to have killed an innocent person, not just to save my own ass," she muttered, sliding into the car.

Millie heard a sound like a fly buzzing in her ear. She had forgotten her sister was on the phone. Raising it to her ear, she braced for the yelling.

"I'm coming to the hospital!" Marianne hollered.

"Please, don't. Besides, you're at work. Hal will be with me," she said, bumping her head against the window as he pulled off. She yelled at him, "Are you trying to give me a concussion?!"

"Sorry," he spat at her in an insincere apology.

God, what a disaster. The day had been wonderful until this point. She had gone to town to sell milk and eggs along with her latest batch of chicks. Business was good. She was getting more financially independent by the day.

Her divorce from Hal was final. She had picked up the official finalized papers at the lawyer's office. Life was getting better all around at last, then this happens.

Millie sighed, daring to lean against the window again. Maybe he could hit a bump and knock her head hard enough to make her forget everything. That would be nice.

If only she could go back in time; or at least start her day over. This morning, she would have stayed in bed longer and drank that second cup of coffee. She would have met her sister for lunch and gone shopping for a dress for her best friend's upcoming wedding. Had she done one thing different, she would not be in her present predicament. If only there were do-over's...if she could go back to a certain point in time in her life...she would do so many things differently.

~\\..'../~

* * *

Millie shifted on the puffy cushion of the chair in the waiting room. Although the chairs were comfortable, she felt ill at ease, jittery. The mysterious man had been in surgery for two hours. What else was wrong? Organ damage? Internal bleeding? How extensive were his injuries?

"Millie," Hal whispered, placing his hands over hers that were locked together in her lap.

"Don't," she snapped, jumping to her feet. "You can leave, you know. I'm not going anywhere."

"How are you going to get home?" His brilliant blue eyes like those of a husky dog skirted over her from head to toe. "You should go home. Take a shower. You can't do anything for him anyway."

"I'm not leaving until I know something. This is my fault. I'll take responsibility for him whatever that entails. I take responsibility for my mistakes. Unlike some people," she snapped acidly, pausing in her pacing to glare at him.

"I said I'm sorry. That it wouldn't happen again," he muttered, staring at his dusty boots.

"Yeah, well, that's what you said after the first and second affairs. I'm sorry if I'm not sticking around after the third. Three strikes and you're out," she said, walking a path across the room and back.

"You hate baseball," he reminded her, taking a jab at her analogy. "You hate all sports."

"I gave you two too many chances," she continued, ignoring his snarky statement. "You should've been thankful for that. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I don't know what they say about the third time because people usually aren't that stupid."

A man cleared his throat to get their attention. The surgeon still in his green scrubs and cap, the mask hanging around his neck, stood in the open door to the room.

"You're here for the young man struck by a vehicle?" he asked as if he didn't know.

Why the hell else would they be here? At least he had been nice enough not to say that he was looking for the woman who hit his patient with a truck.

"How is he? Is he going to live?" Millie gushed breathlessly, rushing toward the doctor.

"He will live. It will be a long, slow recovery. No broken bones in the arms or legs. He did have three broken ribs. None punctured his lungs though. There was a small laceration on the liver, but he's healthy so it will heal. His face and head took quite a hit. I sutured that wound on his forehead. There will be a scar. Some things can't be helped. There will be quite a bit of bruising and swelling so his face will look ten times worse than the damage actually is," he explained.

"Any brain damage, Doc?" Hal asked.

"It's too soon to tell," he sighed, snatching the mask from around his neck. "He will need someone to take care of him. He might require physical therapy. We will have to see about his mental state later as well."

"I'll take care of him. This is my fault after all. I owe him that," Millie piped up, determination in her voice.

"But - " Hal tried to protest.

"I used to be a nurse," she reminded her ex-husband. "I had a life before marriage and being a housewife who started her own at home business out of desperation. But I guess you've forgotten that. Kind of like how you often forgot your marriage vows."

The doctor cleared his throat again - loudly.

"Yes, well, I think that arrangement would be just fine. Since you were a nurse, you're exactly the kind of caregiver this young man will need. Before he leaves the hospital, I'll go over a detailed care plan for him. Go home, Millie. Rest. You're going to need it. I'll leave a message for the nurses to call you when he wakes up."

"Thank you, doctor," she said, shaking his hand before he left.

"Millie, you can't!" Hal exclaimed, grabbing her by the arm to turn her around to face him. "You can't take some strange man into your house. You don't know anything about him. He could be a rapist or a killer. Besides, how will it look to everyone?"

"Are you being serious right now?" she scoffed, wrenching her arm out of his grip. "Did you ever stop to think how it would look when you were running around with Beth or Vera or Sateen? Sateen? Really, Hal? Just the name the alone conjures up images that just...ugh!" she growled, shaking her head. "Anyway, you have no right to tell me what to do. Besides, who else will take care of him? And this is my fault."

"Yeah, but - "

"But nothing! Your opinion no longer matters. I'm not your wife, and you're not my problem."

Bo entered the waiting room, glimpsing at each of them in turn. He could feel the tension. Without saying a word, he handed Millie a black wallet.

"We found this on the guy," he said.

Hal attempted to snatch it away from her, but she pivoted on her heel and turned her back to him while keeping the wallet in her possession.

"Hey! I need that so I can contact his next of kin and get him the hell out of here," he said.

The wallet contained an ID she couldn't read and a few paper bills of Japanese currency.

"Well, this is no help," she muttered, sticking it in her back pocket.

"His name is Subaru Natsuki," Bo helpfully supplied. "He's twenty-five years old. That ID was made when he was seventeen. Where the hell has been for eight years? Why did he suddenly drop out of the sky and here? He's Japanese."

"How do you know all that?" Hal asked.

Bo shrugged.

"My buddy Kaito at the fire house is half Japanese. His mother made him learn her language, both written and spoken, growing up. He translated it for me."

Millie's head ached. She could hear her pulse in her ears.

"Why can he speak perfect English?" she asked in return.

"He talked to you?" Hal interjected, obviously feeling left out of the conversation.

"Yeah. Right before Bo got there. He called out for something, or maybe someone, named Rem. None of this makes any sense," she mumbled, pressing her fingers to her pulsating temple.

"I'll take you home," Hal offered, reaching for her. "We should talk more about you taking this guy in. It's not gonna happen."

"Go away, Hal," she muttered, stepping further away from him while taking her phone out of her pocket.

Bo stepped in between her and the ex husband when Hal acted as if he would make another grab for her.

"She's got this handled. You should leave," Bo warned him. "She doesn't need you anymore."

Although shorter than the imposing cop who stood over six feet tall, Bo was wider and stronger. He adhered to a strict daily body building routine in order to easily lift patients of any size for transport. Hal conceded with a nod and left.

"Thank you," she mouthed to Bo while her sister yammered in her ear.

Bo had always been a good friend and her self-appointed protector since high school. The only person he couldn't protect her from was Hal. That was her fault for being unwilling to listen to his repeated warnings about the serial cheater.

"I'll help you get the guest room ready for him," Marianne volunteered.

"Please, just come get me, and take me home," Millie begged, tears filling her eyes. "When I fall apart, I don't want to do it here."

~\\..'../~

* * *

Around ten o' clock the next morning, while she and her sister were preparing the second bedroom in her small two bedroom house, Millie received the phone call. Still too apprehensive to get behind the wheel, not trusting herself, her sister drove her to the hospital to see the man she had almost accidentally killed.

"Are you okay?" Marianne asked her outside the door to his room.

"Yeah, as good as I can be," she replied, hesitating and breathing deeply.

"I'll be here if you need me," her sister returned, patting her shoulder.

Millie inhaled a gulp of air as if going underwater and walked into the room. The mysterious stranger named Subaru was sitting up in the bed gazing out of the window. When he did not look at her or acknowledge her presence, she followed his line of sight to see what he held his attention.

Two birds, a brightly colored male bluebird with a sapphire head and back and a brown and white chest, along with his female but more mutely colored counterpart, flitted through the branches of the tree outside. The female appeared to be flirting, or performing a mating ritual perhaps. She would sit quietly, allowing him to approach, then flying to another branch when he got close to her. There she would repeat the process, occasionally hopping away when he neared her, before flying away.

"They're bluebirds," Millie said, not knowing how to begin a conversation and not wanting to startle him.

"They're pretty," he returned, continuing to observe them.

"Do you...do you remember anything that happened?" she questioned him, fearful of the answer.

"No," he responded curtly, turning his head to look at her. "The nurses told me I was in an accident. I was hit by a truck. But I don't remember it."

"Yes, that's right. I hit you," she confessed. "You appeared out of nowhere. I don't know where you came from."

"I don't know where I came from either."

His face appeared to fold in on itself. All at once he expressed sorrow and rage, regret and fear, a gamut of emotions that she did not understand - and neither did he for that matter.

_Oh, my god, this poor guy is so messed up. It's all my fault!_, she screamed at herself inside her head.

"Well, I'll be taking care of you until your body heals and you get your memory back. You'll stay at my house and - "

"Do you have any idea how weird it is that the woman who almost killed me will be helping me recover?" he interrupted her.

"It was an accident." Her face turned the darkest shade of red in shame. "Honest to god, it was as if you appeared like magic."

"Like magic?" he repeated, more confused than ever.

He stared at her, eyeing her thoroughly from head to toe; not in a perverted way but from curiosity. Dressed in a green t-shirt and jeans, the only skin he could see besides her face and neck was her lightly tanned arms. Her dark auburn, almost brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail making it impossible to determine the length which was just below her shoulders.

She looked as if she might burst into tears at any second. Her eyes were green except for a brown ring around the iris. Freckles dotted her nose and cheeks that had lightened to a fuchsia pink color.

She didn't appear to be crazy. He believed her about everything she said.

He could only recall random bits of information, flashes of a place that didn't seem to be real. It was more like a fantasy world filled with mythical creatures and magic. Had this 'other world' only been a dream or a real place located on an entirely different plane of existence?

Faces in his dreams sparked recognition, but he could not remember the names. Each one of those people elicited feelings, stirring up phantoms of emotions like ghosts haunting his mind. They all meant something to him but the meaning was lost because ultimately so was the memory of them.

His mind was like a puzzle that had been dumped out of a box. The pieces were scattered. The big picture of him and his life could not be fathomed. He knew they all fit together, but he had no clue as to how they fit together.

"Just to be clear, you're not my girlfriend?" he queried.

"No!" she replied a little to quickly and vehemently. When his face collapsed in disappointment and possibly humiliation, she swiftly added, "No. You don't know me, and I don't know you. We don't have any kind of a relationship. We just met for the first time yesterday...when I hit you with my truck."

"Sorry, but I don't remember any of that. Accidents happen. I'm sure you couldn't help it," he sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "So...what happens now?"

"You're going to stay with me until you get better. Hopefully you will get your memory back soon. Things are going to be fine," she said, her cheerfulness sounding as forced as it really was.

"I don't know. I don't know if things will ever be fine again," he muttered.

She shared his overwhelming sense of unease and pessimistic view on life.

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

"I have the feeling you really do understand."

"I'll do everything I can to help you get better and regain your memory. At best, the memory loss is temporary, caused by the trauma of the accident."

She silently prayed he wouldn't ask about the worst case scenario.

"By the way, what's your name?" he asked her.

"My name is Millie Castleberry."

"Aaaaannnd what's my name?" he inquired in an obvious attempt to be funny to add levity to the heavy conversation.

"You're Subaru Natsuki," she responded with a smile.

Extending her hand to him in formal greeting, he took it. He flinched at the touch of her rough hand, calloused from manual labor. Her eyes lowered from his, her dark eyelashes fluttering against her pink cheek.

"You're really cute, Millie. Adorable in fact," he complimented her a bit too boldly, making her blush again. "How old are you?"

Her face reddened to a dark crimson, and her indignation rose. She kept a tight rein on her temper as she observed him visibly shrinking into the pillows in retreat.

"Mr. Natsuki, it is not proper to ask a lady her age. I must politely decline to answer," she said in the sweetest drawl, her voice lilting and the words almost hypnotic in the way she spoke them. "I will say, however, we are about the same age."

"How old am I?"

"You're twenty-five," she replied, standing up. She pulled a wallet from her back pocket and handed it to him. "Your identification is in there, but I can't read it. A friend told me what it said"

"Twenty-five! Damn," he muttered, staring at the ID. "Where the hell have I been for eight years?!"

"I'd settle for knowing where you popped in from yesterday."

"Am I older or younger than you?" he brazenly ventured.

"Nice try. We're close in age is all I'll say," she answered vaguely with determination not to reveal her exact age.

"Will I be staying with you?"

"Have you forgotten already?"

"No. Just making sure I understand all of this."

"You'll have your own bedroom and everything. I used to be a nurse, so I assure you, you'll be in good hands."

"I have no doubt," he murmured, smiling broadly at her. When her eyebrow shot up toward her hairline, dubious of his intentions behind that statement, he added, "I'm just glad that you're a nurse. I'm guessing this is a pretty serious condition. Not being able to remember and all."

"Yes, indeed. It is," she agreed, sitting back down.

"You're staying for a while?"

"The least I can do is stick around a bit and keep you company."

"Thank you. I don't want to be alone," he admitted, fiddling with the frayed edge of the blanket.

His eyes met hers, and she smiled. His eyes were so big and sad, giving him a lost puppy look.

Millie could feel her heartstrings being plucked. She felt sorry for him that was all. She stood up, walking around the bed to peer out of the window. Pretending to search for the bluebirds, she avoided looking at him.

"Besides, something might trigger a memory," she said. "A single word, a scent, a color, a sound...who knows what could help you remember something."


	2. A New Home

Author's Note: Thank you Darius red and TheGenesis for your reviews. Thanks to those who favorited and followed as well. Here's the second chapter at long last. Hope you like it!

~\\../~ This symbol notes a shift in scene or point of view.

* * *

Small, soft hands caressing his face. A warm pillowy bosom under his cheek supporting his head. Humming, light and melodious, soothing him as the woman stroked his cares away.

"Don't worry," she said. "Everything will be all right."

Blue hair the color of the sky. Blue eyes the color of the sea. A smile as gentle gentle and comforting as her touch.

"I love you, Subaru."

A spark of recognition tried to light within him, then died away leaving him feeling confused and alone.

"Who are you?" he asked. "I-I can't...I can't remember. I'm s-sorry."

The kind blue eyes dulled, growing devoid of emotion. Her image started to fade away, her face growing transparent before he could see it clearly.

"No! Don't go! Don't leave me! Please!"

Subaru awakened, startling himself out of the dream that turned into a nightmare. Blinking rapidly to rid his eyes of the tears blurring his vision, he sat up looking around.

_Where am I? How did I -_ then, he remembered. He was in a hospital after being in an accident.

Laying back on the pillows, he tried to relax. Why did it feel like he shouldn't be here? Apart from the obvious reason that his ID said he was from Japan, he had a bizarre feeling he did not belong in the world. He had no idea where he had been for eight years, but it seemed like a place apart from this very plane of existence.

He pressed his hand to his heart, massaging as if to rid himself of the literal heartache. An unmistakable sense of loss, of mourning someone precious he left behind, would not leave him. It hurt. It also made him angry that he couldn't remember her.

"Dammit," he grunted, punching the bed.

There was a cautious knock on the door.

"Come in," he bid the person.

The woman from yesterday came in. She smiled at him. She had a great smile; friendly and sincere. The dimples in her cheeks made her smile even prettier.

"Hi," she greeted him cheerily.

"Hi," he returned, sitting up straighter as she walked toward the bed.

Although she was still a stranger, seeing her dispelled the sense of unease inside of him caused by his inability to recall any of his past. Obviously the woman in the dream was someone important to him. The ache in his heart told him so. However, looking at the woman in front him the ache didn't hurt so much.

Despite being a grown woman, her dimples and her freckles, not to mention her small stature, gave her a childlike cuteness. In the bright sunlight, he could see her color was actually a dark auburn rather than the plain brown he previously thought it to be.

Her hazel eyes were more green, glittering like emerald gem stones. She appeared to have been crying. Those eyes showed her profound sadness and regret. Somehow he did not feel all of that pain was from the accident.

"How are you feeling today?" she asked, sitting down in the chair beside his bed.

"I'm all right. There's no pain today," he said.

He wasn't exactly lying since he was referring to physical pain rather than emotional.

"Oh, that's very good," she returned, her eyes lighting up with happiness for a split second.

Seeing that brief moment of happiness in regard to his health lifted his spirits. He did not feel quite so sad anymore. Although they did not meet under good circumstances, he was glad he had met this woman.

For the last three days, she sat in that chair for hours on end. She would talk to him, politely avoiding asking questions about his past because she knew he could not remember anything. Mostly she talked to him about her small town and the people she knew - the place and people he would have to get to know until his memory returned. _If_ his memory returned.

Sometimes they didn't talk at all. They watched a lot of television together. In those moments, he would steal glimpses of her. Other times she would read to him just to fill the silence. He liked hearing her voice.

"Oh!" she exclaimed as if suddenly remembering something.

Her eyes widened into big circles that matched the circle her lips formed. She set the backpack she had carried in on the bed.

"These are clothes for you. I'm afraid your other clothes had to be thrown away because they were cut off to assess your injuries. I used them to guess your size. I hope you like them. I got just a few basics. We can buy more later. If you don't like them we can - "

"I'm sure they're fine," he assured her, interrupting her nervous rambling. "Thank you...uh...uhm..."

Subaru had wanted to say her name but couldn't recall it. He was mortified. She had just told him her name again yesterday.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, prefacing his next question which he hated to ask. "What was your name? I forgot it."

"Millie. Millie Castleberry," she told him, giving him one of her brilliant smiles. "No need to be embarrassed. I understand. You have no idea how sorry I am about what happened. It's my fault you can't remember."

_Maybe not_, he thought. _Perhaps something else had caused his memory loss. But he couldn't remember what that thing was!_

"Millie, don't worry about that. They're called accidents for a reason. You didn't mean for it to happen," he said.

There was another knock on the door. This time the doctor and a nurse entered before anyone said anything.

"Mr. Natsuki, are you ready to leave the hospital?" the doctor asked, pressing the stethoscope to his chest.

_What sound does a broken heart make, Doc?_, he wanted to ask, but decided not to. They might not enjoy his humorous quips at this time.

"Yes, sir. I'm definitely ready to go," he answered far more cheerfully than he felt.

He was apprehensive and downright scared about being in an unfamiliar place among strangers. Knowing he was going home with the pretty and kind woman named Millie gave him a small degree of comfort, but he still not know her well and would be alone in the end. Somehow these feelings of isolation and loneliness were terribly familiar.

"Millie, I need you to come with me while the nurse assists Mr. Natsuki with getting ready to be released," the doctor announced.

"Are you ready?" the pleasant blond nurse asked Subaru.

Oh, well...all friends were strangers once. Millie Castleberry seemed to be a genuinely nice person who was willing to help him. What other choice did he have?

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

~\\../~

* * *

The doctor took Millie to his office down the hall. Instead of sitting behind his desk, he sat down in one of the chairs flanking a coffee table while indicating she should sit in one as well. The informal set up was far more comforting than having him peer across his great big oak desk to give her grave news.

"Millie, are you sure you want to take on the responsibility of taking care of this man?" Doctor Jamison asked her.

She sighed and rolled her eyes, sinking back into the chair. She had worked with him during her time as a nurse here. He was a kind man and a great doctor; one of the few left who actually cared about his patients, taking a vested interest in them. He was also a friend of Hal's.

"Did Hal talk to you about this? Ask you to do his dirty work by talking me out of this?" she asked, her eyes narrowing with suspicion.

His red face pretty much gave her the answer.

"Well, he did," he confessed, clearing his throat. "But I'm asking this on a personal level. Out of concern for you."

"Why? What do you mean?" she inquired, straightening her back as apprehension gained a foothold. "What's wrong with him? Is Subaru crazy?"

"No. And you know Doctor Burns would never use that word."

Doctor Burns is the resident psychiatrist and mental health expert. Of course Doc Burns had been consulted and had been evaluating Subaru due to the memory loss.

"However, Subaru Natsuki does seem to have suffered some severe emotional and physical trauma, possibly over an extended period of time," Doctor Jamison explained. "He has severe night terrors. So extreme he wakes up screaming, combative. He punched one of the nurses and broke her nurse during one of these psychotic episodes. We had to give him several injections of Valium to calm him down. I was afraid we might kill him by overdosing him. I don't know what he has gone through but it's bad...real bad."

_Duh! You don't say_, she wanted to mutter like a smart ass but did not to because now was not a time for snide remarks.

"Maybe it's best he doesn't remember. I fear what might happen if these memories come back into his conscious thoughts since they're effecting him this drastically from his subconscious," Doctor Jamison continued. "I'm worried about you. What if he hurts you? Not on purpose but during one his episodes like the nurse. He's apparently suffering from acute post traumatic stress disorder. Like a soldier after war, he's still in that war, fighting those demons in his head."

"I'll be fine. And so will he," she insisted, feeling a bit over optimistic and stupidly naive even as she said the words. "I'm sure Doc Burns will want to set up counseling sessions, and Subaru will be coming back for regular check ups at your office. So he will be fine."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" the doctor with prematurely graying brown hair asked her as he gazed at her skeptically over his half glasses poised at the tip of his thin pointed Roman nose. "You're a kind woman to a fault, Millie. You always have been. Taking in injured and sick stray animals. Dealing with Hal and his bullshit as if your love alone would change him."

Heat washed over Millie's body as humiliation covered her from head to toe. Yet another reason she hated small town life: the whole damn town knew about Hal's indiscretions and poor, clueless Millie's willingness to forgive him in a pathetic attempt to make their broken marriage work.

"Don't make this Subaru Natsuki another project of yours. We know nothing about him. He might not even be who it says he is on that old ID. Where the hell has been for the last eight years? What happened to him to cause so much mental and physical damage?"

"Physical damage?" she inquired.

"There's evidence of previous injuries that we found through x-rays and tests. He's broken virtually every bone in his body, some more than once. Most of his organs are severely scarred yet there is not one single scar on his skin anywhere. Maybe he was held prisoner and tortured. If he was tortured by a professional who wanted to hide his crime, that would explain why there's so much internal damage with a lack of outer scarring. I can't even begin to hazard a guess as to what happened to him. "

"Then don't," she snapped defensively. "Maybe we will find out one day when he remembers his past. If he never remembers..." She stood up, inhaling a deep breath before blowing it noisily out of her nose. "Then he will probably be all the better for not remembering."

"We have no idea where this man came from, who he really is, or what trauma he has been exposed to. Millie, don't be - "

"Naive? Stupid? Well, whatever you're going to say, save it. Besides, what other option does he have? To be committed to a mental hospital? He wouldn't be in this mess if I hadn't hit him. Can we leave now?" she asked, squaring her shoulders and standing tall at all of her five foot three inches as the doctor stood up to his six three to tower over her.

"Don't allow your sense of duty to get you into more trouble, Millie. You know, that inordinate sense of responsibility made you a great nurse...and a wife who was far too long suffering with a broken man. Don't suffer at the hands of another," he stated in a warning tone that made her shiver.

"Well, Subaru Natsuki may be broken but he knows it. Hal never admitted he had a problem. I was the problem. But since Subaru knows he needs help putting himself back together again, that's where you, Doc Burns, and myself come in. I'm still a nurse, Harry," she said, using the doctor's first name since had dared to get so personal, surpassing his position as doctor at the moment. "I will fulfill my duty as a nurse. You fulfill yours as a doctor."

Doctor Harrison Jamison, Harry to his friends, went to the door, opening it for her. He knew he had lost a battle of wills with the irritatingly determined woman. She was hell bent on taking responsibility for this man so he gave up trying to talk her out of it.

~\\../~

* * *

Millie slid in behind the wheel of her sister's car, her stomach lurching. Driving here had been an anxiety riddled experience filled with cold sweats and controlled breathing to keep herself from hyperventilating.

Marianne had insisted she drive since she had not driven since the day of the accident. Trading vehicles, allowing Millie to use her car to pick up Subaru from the hospital and taking Millie's 'monster truck' as she called it, had left Millie with no choice. At least she had been nice enough to let her borrow the car instead of making her drive the truck which might have proved to be too much at this time.

Subaru twisted his upper torso to reach for the seat belt, grunting in pain when the muscles pulled on the injured ribs.

"Let me help," Millie said, unfastening her own.

She leaned across him, careful not to press into him as to the move the ribs again. Grabbing the belt, she pulled it out then carefully lay it across his chest and hip before snapping the metal piece into the buckle.

"There. Is that okay? Not hurting anything?" she asked as if she were talking to a child.

"No. It's good," he responded. "Thank you."

Millie inhaled deeply before turning the ignition to crank the luxury sedan with leather seats and all of the bells and whistles the manufacturer could cram into the vehicle. She turned on the radio hoping the classic rock songs would give her a distraction as she tried to sing along, screwing up half of the words.

Her attempt at singing seemed to amuse Subaru giving him a reason to smile and even chuckle a few times when she hopelessly messed up the lyrics in a funny way. Then she began to do it on purpose, making up her own silly songs to the music to make him laugh.

As they neared her country road, she grew quiet, turning off the radio. Her skin grew cold but sweat formed little beads across her upper lip and forehead. She gripped the steering so tightly her knuckles turned white, and her fingers grew numb.

As if sensing her abject terror, Subaru reached across, ignoring the agonizing pull on his ribs, to place his hand over hers on the steering wheel.

"It's okay. I'm here, and I'm going to be okay," he assured her. "It was just an accident."

Millie stopped the car to take a moment to stare at him.

"Do you realize how odd it is that you're the one comforting me?" she asked, her eyes meeting his.

His eyes were a pleasant, warming golden brown; darker than honey but lighter than chocolate. Why was she comparing them to food?

Then her tummy growled as if to answer her question. Glancing at the clock on the dashboard, she saw that it was after two. She had not eaten breakfast, and it was well after lunch.

Thank goodness she had thrown the ingredients for chicken soup in the crock-pot. The food would be ready and waiting for them. Although it was a hundred degrees outside, chicken soup was the perfect food for any kind of ailment.

A classic Southern remedy for everything, she had been raised to think it had the power to cure colds, fatigue, broken bones, and even a broken heart. Although common sense and medical school taught her differently, comfort could be found at least for the belly in a bowl of hearty, homemade chicken soup.

"Are you hungry?" she asked, removing her foot from the brake and putting her eyes back on the road.

"Starving," he replied, patting his flat belly.

"Good. The house is just up ahead a little ways and food awaits."

Millie drove at a snail's pace down the long, winding dirt road sheltered by a canopy of leaves and branches that had grown together from the trees lining both sides to form a tunnel. At the end, the line of tress ended and opened up into an expanse of land.

To the right of the driveway, there was a big red barn trimmed in white along with several other small buildings including a chicken coop. A few cows gathered under a giant oak tree in the middle of the fenced area behind the barn.

To the left, a small, white two bedroom house sat in the middle of a maintained plot of grass. A white picket fence surrounded the little cottage. A white trellis covered in bright green leafy vines served as an entrance to the yard with a cement walk way to the front steps.

Millie got out of the car to retrieve Subaru's backpack from the trunk. She slung it over her shoulder before walking around to his side of the car to assist him with getting out.

"Turn your entire body. Place your feet on the ground," she coached him to ensure he keep from hurting himself unnecessarily.

She leaned down, picking up his hand to place his arm around her neck. When he inhaled sharply, she looked at him, coming nose to nose with him.

"Are you okay?" she gushed breathlessly, afraid she had hurt him.

"I'm okay," he said, his face turning red.

"Hold onto me. I'll help lift you up so you won't pull those ribs out of place," she explained. She placed her hand on the back of his head, pulling it forward as she pulled his torso forward then up. "Don't bump your head."

Once he was standing up outside of the car, they both breathed a sigh of relief. No pain in his ribs and no bump on his head. His arm was still lying across her shoulders. The oppressive heat around them made the heat of their closeness unbearable.

"You can...you can remove your arm now," she told him, lifting his fingers from her left shoulder.

"Oh, sorry," he apologized, unwinding his arm from around her.

Millie trotted through the opening of the trellis covered in lush green vines and big leaves.

"In the morning, pretty purple flowers will bloom on that vine," she babbled, on her way up to the gray painted porch that surrounded the house. "They're called Morning Glories for that reason. They bloom in the morning then disappear during the heat of the day to open back up the next morning."

"That's interesting. I would like to see them," he said, going inside as she held the door open for him.

"I come out every morning. Sit on the porch swing and look at them while I drink my coffee. It's peaceful. A great way to start the day," she said, leading him through the short entrance hall to the room that would be his.

There were only four rooms in the entire square house: the two bedrooms, each with their own full bathroom, a living room and a kitchen. The house was tiny but cozy, and she loved it.

She opened the door, tossing the backpack from the door onto the white iron bed covered in a brilliantly colored patchwork quilt in a wedding ring pattern Hal's grandmother had made.

The lovely woman Millie adored passed away soon after their wedding. It had been a blessing the woman had not been around for the ensuing heartbreaking events and the subsequent divorce. Although she had gotten rid of the husband, Millie kept the quilt because she loved his grandmother and the emotions that had gone into making the beautiful quilt.

"This is your room," she announced. "There's a chest of drawers for your clothes. There are a few things already in there. There's a trunk for whatever you might collect in the future. The bathroom is behind that door. My bedroom is across the hall if you need anything during the night."

The kitchen was through the alcove to the right in front of her bedroom and the living through the opening to left in front of his room. And that was the entire layout of the house.

"So let's eat," she suggested, going to the kitchen.

Subaru took a seat at the round white pine kitchen table in one of the straight spindle backed chairs to match. There was a thick, fluffy cushion covered in sky blue material on the hard seat of the chair.

Millie ladled up the soup into the large white bowls, sticking a spoon in each. As she walked toward the table, she stared at the man sitting there who stared blankly out of the window ahead of him covered by a gossamer, lacy curtain. He was the epitome of the idiom "The lights are on, but nobody's home."

She sat the bowl down in front of him, taking the chair to his left. Keeping quiet, she watched him, noting the slight twitch in the facial muscles around his eyes and mouth. What was he remembering?

Whatever it was, it made him sad enough to cry. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes, then rolled down his cheeks.

Before her brain shifted into gear, her body acted, prompting her to reach across the table, covering his hand with hers the same way he had tried to comfort her in the car.

When he jumped, snatching his hand away from under hers, she gasped and recoiled. Her chair screeched across the oak floor she pulled back so violently. Her discussion with Doctor Jamison had set her on edge.

Subaru's eyes met hers, gradually brightening as rational thought returned.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he apologized, covering his face with his hands.

Subaru pulled them back, studying them before touching his cheeks with his fingertips. He did not know he had been crying until he felt the tears on his face.

"Did you remember something?" she tentatively asked, scooting her chair back up to the table.

"There's a girl...a woman. She has blue eyes. Blue like sapphires. And blue hair. Light blue. Like the sky," he said, speaking in broken sentences as he strained to remember. "My girlfriend? My wife? I don't - I don't know. But I think...I think I loved her. I know I cared for her a lot."

Millie's belly tightened as she listened. Her heart dropped to her toes as a profound sadness gripped her, surrounding her in a clammy, gloomy cloud of despair.

_How sad_, she thought, stirring her rapidly cooling soup. _He was torn away from someone he loved. It's cruel that he can't be with the one he cares about. And I can't escape the person I dislike more than anyone in this world._

Subaru sighed despondently, frustrated with his inability to recall more details.

"Hey, it's okay. You'll get there. Take your time. Just let the memories come back as they will. Be patient with yourself," she said.

"This is going to sound dumb," he began, picking up his spoon. "But I'm glad out of all the people in this world, you're the one who found me."

"Yeah, I just wish it hadn't been such a drastic and violent meeting," she muttered, bringing a spoon full of food to her mouth.

"Well, some things can't be helped I guess. You really need to forgive yourself. I'm not holding anything against you," he said, slurping at the broth in his spoon.

"Thank you for that," she returned. "Hey, after we eat, you want to take a look around outside. It's hot as hell but that's something you can't escape here during the summer. I have a small pool out back. It's good for cooling off and that's about it."

"Sounds fun to me."

After eating, Millie placed the dishes in the sink. She led him around back to show him the above ground pool about ten feet across and three feet deep surrounded by a small deck. A mishmash of flowers and bushes with no real rhyme or reason behind the groupings, surrounded the backyard along the fence creating a natural barrier.

Outside of the fenced in yard, beside the barn, there was shed where the washer and dryer were located since there was no laundry room in the tiny house. Another shed with an air conditioner in the window had served as Hal's temporary house until he found one somewhere else. The only things that remained inside was a small refrigerator and an old, beat up couch.

"Does someone else live here?" Subaru asked.

"No. Not anymore," she answered curtly, her voice gruff. "The barn is over here."

The barn was extremely neat and tidy with clean stalls full of fresh hay where she milked the cows. One stall was full of feed bags, food for the cows and chickens. A tractor and other large farm implements lined the opposite side of the barn. There was a hay loft up top.

Millie filled a bowl with chicken feed since now was as good a time as any to feed them though it was a bit early. They scratched and clucked inside their enclosure, getting excited and flapping around when she neared with the bowl. She tossed the feed through the large holes in the wire of the completely enclosed area with a small wooden coop that looked like a child's playhouse in the corner.

There were three standard brown and four plain black chickens along with a couple of silky chickens who appeared to be wearing fluffy little wigs on their heads. She told him that some of the chickens laid what she called Easter eggs because the shells were naturally a pastel blue or mint green color.

"I'll gather eggs tomorrow morning. They typically lay about one a day. I don't have a rooster because I don't want them to be fertilized. Thankfully I don't have much of an issue with coyotes or foxes. I don't have any close by neighbors so I don't have to worry about dogs getting after them," she explained, tossing the bowl back inside the barn as they walked past the open door.

A cat ran out of the barn, meowing at her. The black cat had short, smooth, shiny black fur and large yellow eyes.

"What's up, Smut?" she asked, bending down to pet the cat. "Did you and Bluebell catch any mice today?"

Smut meowed and purred, pushing his head into her palm before she ran her hand down his long back. Another cat appeared, a tabby with gray and black striped fur and light blue eyes coming from around the side of the barn. The one called Bluebell ran over to Subaru, winding between his legs and rubbing against his jean clad legs.

"They're barn cats, but they're friendly. They're great mousers. Fat and happy girls," she said, thumping Smut's belly which made a deep sound like a drum.

The next thing they did was walk over to the fence to see the cows. There were four black and white cows and a singular brown cow. Upon seeing Millie, the creatures ambled over to be petted. Apparently she spoiled all over her animals and treated them as pets.

"Mr. Natusuki, I do believe you're the only male on this little farm. You're completely surrounded by females," she warned him, giggling as she patted the white starburst in the middle of Brownie's forehead.

"I don't mind," he said, getting a nudge in the arm from Eclair when he did not immediately pet her.

He swayed uncertainly from side to side from the gentle push. His cheeks were blushed from the heat. Sweat dripped from his chin and further soaked his drenched shirt.

"Are you ready for that swim?" she asked, swiping her arm across her forehead. "Are you feeling okay?"

"It's just so hot," he said, lifting the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his forehead.

Millie couldn't help but notice his smooth, flat belly before he dropped the shirt to cover it back up.

"I bought you a pair of orange swimming trunks. They're in the chest of drawers in your room," she said as they walked back to the house.

Millie quickly changed into her magenta colored swim tank and black bikini bottoms before retrieving the beach towels from her closet.

Subaru walked out into the hall at the same time she did, causing them to have a slight collision. He moaned in pain and grabbed his tender sides after she bumped into him, chest to chest. Well, more like chest to upper abdomen considering their height difference.

"Oh, my god! I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, barely resisting the urge to reach out and grab him which would have hurt him worse.

"It's okay," he groaned, his face red. "It's just a bit sensitive."

"Yeah, those broken ribs are still healing and can move around a little bit because they haven't quite fused. The completely fractured ribs were screwed back together. They didn't wrap you in bandages because that could actually push the ribs with hairline fractures out of place keeping them from healing properly," she said. "We'll have to be careful getting you in and out of the pool."

Millie led him to the back door in the kitchen. They only had to walk a few steps across the ground from the back porch to the steps leading up to the pool deck. She dropped the towels onto the wooden deck and jumped into the water that was as warm as bath water after being heated by the sun all day.

She walked over to the ladder, reaching up to him. Her eyes skimmed over him from head to toe. His skin was tanned a healthy peachy tone. He was thin, but the hint of muscles bulged in his upper arms and chest as if he had just begun to perform hard labor for the first time in his life and relatively recently.

Dr. Jamison was correct. There were no scars visible anywhere on his body which was almost disconcerting considering the amount of injuries the doctor said he had endured. Her eyes moved up to his forehead where the ugly black stitches stood out against his otherwise flawless skin. There would be a scar there for sure.

"Come on," she said, waving her hands as if beckoning a resistant child to get in when he hesitated.

"Is it cold?" he asked, folding his arms over his chest as if anticipating frigid temperatures.

"Not at all. It's quite warm. Almost too hot really," she said.

The early evening breeze cooled off her wet skin above the water while her lower half stayed warm below the surface.

"Come on," she repeated, wiggling her fingers.

Subaru took her hands, cautiously descending the ladder into the pool. His hands were soft and smooth; probably softer than hers which embarrassed her a little. As soon as he placed his feet on the bottom of the pool, she let go and backed away.

Sinking under the water up to her chin after placing her arms on the deck surrounding the edge of the pool, she watched him walk around in the waist deep water, splashing the top lightly with his hands.

Although he was a grown man, there was something quite childlike about him. Not really immaturity, at least not that she knew of yet, but more of an innocence, a naivete. It was as if he was seeing everything for the first time. Or perhaps reacquainting himself with familiar things.

"What do you feel when you remember that woman?" she asked.

Subaru sank down to his knees, moving his arms in a breast stroke motion as he maneuvered across the pool to her.

"I get this warm, fluttery feeling in my chest and belly. I feel happy, then sad. I have this awful feeling I'll never see her again," he said, leaning against the side of the pool beside her.

"Can you recall anything, anything at all, about where you were at?"

"No. Not yet. So far it's just random bits and pieces of her. Her eyes. Her hair. Her voice. All these feelings come. Feelings I don't understand. It just makes me feel more confused and lost."

"Lost, huh? Hmmm," she murmured thoughtfully.

Millie glanced at his forehead. The skin around the stitches was beginning to swell and redden, most likely from the sweat that had gotten into them. It probably stung too, but he had not complained.

"We should go inside. You should take a shower, and I'll clean that wound really well. We can't risk an infection. Speaking of that, I'm sure it's time for your medication. You need the antibiotic."

Millie made him get out of the pool first, making sure he placed each foot solidly on the narrow steps of the ladder and moved slowly to avoid faltering or tripping. She took a hurried shower, drying off and dressing in a simple loose sundress she pulled over her head.

Placing her ear against the door of his room, she listened for sounds on the other side. The shower was not running, but she hear him shuffling around in the bedroom, most likely searching for clothes.

Going to the kitchen, she dumped out the bag of medication on the counter. The doctor prescribed him an antibiotic, a pain killer, and a sedative. He had also given her pre-filled morphine syringes to both dull his pain and sedate him. Those were in her nightstand, stashed close by for emergency use during the night.

On the table, she placed packaged sterile gauze pads along with hydrogen peroxide and antibiotic ointment for the purpose of cleaning the wound. When he came into the kitchen, she asked him to sit down and got to work with clinical professionalism. Not once did he balk, hiss or pull away from her.

"You're a very good nurse," Subaru complimented her when it was over. "That didn't hurt one bit."

"Good," she returned, gathering up all of the medical supplies to place them in a container for future use. "Hope you don't mind sandwiches for dinner."

"That's fine. I'm not too hungry," he yawned. "Just tired."

"I hope I didn't wear you out after you just getting out of the hospital," she said, grabbing the loaf of homemade bread.

"I enjoyed the fresh air and being outside. I was getting sick of seeing the same four walls for almost a week."

"After dinner, I'm going to watch a movie. Would you like to join me or go to bed?"

"A movie?" he mumbled to himself, as if straining to recall what that word meant. "Oh, yeah, a movie! I wouldn't mind watching a movie."

_God, where has this man been?_, she wondered to herself. _On another planet? In a different world?_

Millie layered the wheat bread with ham and turkey and all of the trimmings successfully creating a sandwich of proportions that would barely fit into their mouths. When cutting them diagonally, she smooshed down the picture perfect sandwich out of necessity to enable them to bite it.

"I bought you a journal and some pens. They're in the nightstand by the bed. That way if you have a dream or recall something in the middle of the night, you can write it down. There's also notebooks and other journals if you want to carry one around during the day to write down any random thoughts or memories. That's up to you. Always feel free to tell me anything as well. I'm here to help you get better. Don't forget that," she said, taking a big bite of her sandwich because there was no other kind of bite to take.

"Sure thing," he returned. "And thank you for being so nice to me. The doctor told me that you were a really nice person, that I could trust you. He also said he'd kick my ass if I hurt you."

Millie forced down the half chewed bite of food before choking on it. The ball of food got stuck anyway, but she was able to wash it down by drinking half a glass of water while pounding on her chest like a one armed gorilla.

"Are you all right?" Subaru asked, pausing before taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Millie had about come to the end of her patience with the good old boy brigade hell bent on protecting her. She was a grown woman who could take care of herself.

Besides, she thought herself to be a good judge of character, barring Hal - being blinded by love notwithstanding. She believed she had nothing to fear from the man sitting at the table with her. She couldn't figure out what in the hell all of these well intentioned but exceedingly annoying men were so up in arms about.

"Go on in the living room," she urged him when they were done. "I'll do these dishes and be right in."

"I can help," he volunteered. "It's the least I can do."

"If you're not too tired or feel weak, I don't mind the help. I don't need you fainting and hurting yourself again," she said, taking the plates to the sink. "I'll wash. You rinse and stick them in the dish drainer."

"Okay," he agreed, standing beside her. "So the person who lived here before - "

"He was my husband. We're divorced now," she said to answer his next question.

She flipped on the tap, squirting soap into the sink. _Please, don't ask what happened_, she begged him silently as bubbles formed from the soap she poured under the stream of hot water.

"I wish I could remember if I was married," he mumbled. "Did you enjoy being married?"

"When things were good, they were really good. But when they were bad, well..." She scrubbed the already clean dish as if she meant to rub the glossy finish off of it. "Let's just say there's a good reason, several of them, that I'm divorced. He had a gaping hole inside of him I couldn't fill. Two halves don't make a whole when those halves are hurting so much they can't love each other like they should."

"I don't understand," he murmured. "I'm sorry. But I can tell whatever happened, it really hurt you."

"Yeah, well, time heals all wounds they say. We shall see, won't we?" she questioned him, turning her head to look at him. "You've got your own wounds to heal, both physically and mentally. We can get through this together. And hopefully, get better together."

"Is that why you're so willing to help me? Because you have an idea of how bad it hurts?" he asked without looking at her.

Subaru gazed intently at the dishes as he rinsed them off, slowly, one by one, before placing them in the rack.

"I have a confession to make, Subaru," she said, turning off the water and snatching a towel from the hook on the cabinet door. "My reasons behind helping you might not be as altruistic as everyone thinks. They're born from guilt and selfishness. I'm trying to atone for my sin of running you down with my car. Plain and simple. I'm also being selfish by thinking maybe if I focus on you, if I spend all of time on taking care of you, I won't think about my own pain, and I might even be able to escape it."

She handed the towel to him, his fingers brushing across hers as he grasped it and took it from her hand. Her entire body stiffened from the brief, meaningless contact.

"I'm sorry if you think less of me for being totally honest with you," she said, chewing on her lower lip.

Millie studied the sorrowful expression in his warm brown eyes as he dried his hands. He appeared bewildered and lost as if he wished he could leave but there was no where for him to go.

She knew that 'lost' feeling all too well. That's where she had floundered for months, almost drowning in her own emotions at times, before finding direction and deciding on getting a divorce.

"I don't think you're a bad person, Millie," he murmured. "In your case, I don't think being selfish is such a bad thing."

Millie inhaled sharply, holding her breath when he leaned close to her, reaching behind her to hang up the towel. She exhaled slowly as he stood back up straight but remained standing close to her. Although he was not touching her, she could feel his body heat reaching out to her, practically stroking her skin.

The clean scent of the soap mixed with the strong herbal scent of the deodorant she had bought for him tickled her nose. He smelled so good. The warmth of his body made the scent even more potent and heady.

It had been a long time since she had been this close to a man. Maybe his mere closeness was making her a little light headed. She could hear her pulse thrumming in her ears, the sound like waves rushing to the shore at the beach.

"So, uhm," she croaked, clearing her congested throat. "Are you ready to watch that movie?"

"I think I should go to bed instead. I'm really tired," he said, backing away a step. "Movie, tomorrow night?"

Suddenly, he looked pale. Exhausted. He appeared as if he had aged before her very eyes due to the wrinkles that folded his forehead like an accordion and pinched together his eyebrows.

He appeared spooked. Maybe a ghost from his past had floated through his memory at an unexpected time.

Somehow she knew not to ask about whatever had happened to him. Weariness settled on her shoulders like a crushing weight.

"Yeah. Tomorrow night. I think I might go to bed too."

Millie followed him to the short hallway, keeping a watchful eye on him as he shuffled toward his room. At the door, he lifted his hand in a little wave before resting it on the doorknob.

"Good night, Millie."

"Good night, Subaru."


	3. The Power of Touch

Author's Note: Rewritten and republished! I decided to revisit this chapter and change a few things. I jumped the gun and published too fast without thinking things through. I realized I went too far too fast, venturing into certain territory before it's time had come.

Thank you for the review on last chapter Darius red! I am grateful to those who have followed and favorited. Thank you also to LoverofArtemis who added my story to your community archive named _The Great Library of Fanfictions. _I

Please enjoy the new chapter.

* * *

Subaru found himself in the dark, fog and wind whipping around him. He was sitting on the wooden seat of a wagon, bumping along a narrow mountain road. The hard seat and big bumps made his behind hurt. Not hearing the hoof-beats of a horse, he looked in front of him to see what appeared to be a dragon.

"What the - "

His exclamation of surprise was cut off by a mournful moan, so loud it was deafening but so low in frequency it vibrated the air around him. Abject terror seized him, throttling him which prevented him from crying out. Sensing a presence to his right, he stared straight ahead, not wanting to know what instilled fear in his heart without seeing it.

The baleful, lingering sound like the saddest and most ominous song ever written sounded again, shaking him down to his bones. Sliding his eyes to the side, gazing out of his peripheral vision, he saw an eye open up - massive, bigger than his head, dirty yellow in color, and full of hate and malice.

"I must leave you now, Subaru. I have to save you," a strangely familiar voice said.

"What?"

Subaru turned around to see the woman with the blue air. She was dressed in a maid's uniform, the short skirt flying wildly in the intense wind blowing around them. In her hand she held a gigantic spiked, metal ball attached to a long chain.

"No! Don't go!" he yelled as she moved to the back of the wagon.

The white whale flying through the air beside him dropped back, appearing at the side of the back of the wagon. The woman with the blue hair jumped out of the back.

"REM! NOOOOO!" he screamed, his heart shattering to pieces inside his chest.

~\\../~

* * *

"Rem, don't leave me!"

His scream startled her out of her light, fitful sleep. Without turning on the lamp, Millie flung open the drawer of her bedside table grabbing one of the pre-filled syringes and an alcohol swab packet.

Horrific screams continued to emanate from Subaru's room. The shrieks were so riddled with terror, the sound made her afraid for him. Whatever was happening in his nightmare, she believed he or someone else was getting murdered.

Opening the door, the room illuminated only by the dim light of the breaking dawn, she could see him thrashing around on the bed. The pillows had been flung onto the floor at the end of the bed as if he had tossed them at whatever he was presently fighting. Tangled in the sheet and the quilt, he fought his demons valiantly, but they seemed to be winning by the drawn and fear filled expression on his pale face.

He looked so old in his present state of mind numbing terror. His eyes were squeezed shut, the inner ends of his eyebrows drawn together over his nose and the middle arched upward on his forehead, forming a seagull like shape under the ripples on his forehead. His skin had turned pasty white as if he had seen a ghost and become one himself by being scared to death.

Millie ripped the packaging off of the syringe, pulling off the plastic cap with her teeth to reveal the needle. She spit the cap over her shoulder before placing the corner of the foil packet between her teeth to tear it open. The smell of the alcohol stung her nose and made her eyes water.

"Subaru! Hey, Subaru! Come back to me!" she yelled.

Desperate to bring to him out of his stupor, Millie drew back her arm, delivering an open handed slap to his cheek. He continued to shriek like a banshee and punch the air. His legs kicked and flailed until he threw off the covers to join the pillows on the floor.

Jumping on the bed, straddling his chest to avoid his ribs, she tried to get a grip on him. She pressed her knees into his shoulders to hold him down, her legs lying along his arms to pin them to bed so he would not hit her.

Leaning forward, she pushed his shoulders down into the mattress, shifting her weight more to the right since that was the arm she was going to inject. She swabbed his outer bicep with the alcohol wipe, and taking great care not to stab herself, she jammed the needle into the thickest part of the muscle.

After the initial shock of pain from the needle piercing the muscle, his maniacal shrieking devolved into vicious growls and yelps of frustration. He continued to buck like a rodeo bull, trying to roll over in his attempt to knock her off. Flexing her thighs and bearing down with her knees, she held on, hoping she was not hurting him as she pressed down on the plunger to administer the medication.

Pulling out the needle, she held the syringe above her head to keep from accidentally pricking either of them as she waited for him to stop moving. When he stilled under her, she dismounted his chest, placing the syringe on the bedside table.

"Subaru? Subaru?" she called, patting his face gently.

A perfect, complete hand-print glowed red and hot on his cheek. He gradually opened his eyes, blinking rapidly. His eyes were wide and round, bleary and unable to focus. They moved back and forth, almost rolling around in his head in his stupefaction. Large beads of sweat rolled down his forehead and cheeks. A layer of moisture covered his neck and bare chest.

Millie held his face between her hands, forcing him to make eye contact with her. His eyes cleared and focused on hers. She smiled.

"Hey...hi...welcome back," she said, pushing away the hair plastered to his forehead with sweat.

"Damn," he panted, closing his eyes. "I had another bad dream, didn't I?"

Bad dream was a gross understatement.

"Yeah, another bad dream," she confirmed, touching his cheek bearing her hand-print.

"I'm so sorry." His eyes flew open, and he sat up in a panic. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, I'm okay," she assured him. She leaned over, flicking on the lamp. "See."

Subaru breathed an audible sigh of relief, swiping at the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand.

Millie stood up, going around to the end of the bed to pick up the pillows. She put them behind his back, then placed her hand on his shoulder to gently push him back. After untangling the sheet from the quilt, she spread the sheet over him then straightened out the quilt over his shivering body.

"I would ask if you're all right, but that's a stupid question," she said, walking into the bathroom.

She dampened a washcloth with cold water and returned to the bed, sitting down on the side. She pressed the cold cloth to his cheek marred with her hand-print.

"Hmmm," he hummed in gratitude. "That's nice."

"I'm sorry I had to slap you," she apologized, patting his sweaty face with the cloth to cool him off.

"You only did what you had to do. I'm glad I didn't hurt you," he said, his voice soft and his breathing ragged. "I hate this."

"I know," she murmured. "Do you want your notebook to write down the dream?"

"I suppose I should while I can remember it."

Millie got up, walking around to the other side of the bed. Opening the drawer to the bedside table, she pulled out the spiral bound notebook and a pen. She handed it to him, then returned to the bathroom to rinse out the cloth.

"Would you like some water to drink?" she asked, handing him the washcloth.

"Yeah. Thanks."

Millie picked up the syringe to take it to the special disposal container in her room. On the way to the door, she found the plastic cap by stepping on it.

In the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of water, drinking the whole thing down. Her hand shook as she filled the glass second time. In a crisis, she worked like a robot: emotionless, methodical, and efficient, doing what she needed to do to handle the emergency situation. But when the crisis passed and the adrenaline dump ended, she fell apart.

Subaru's scream, that awful sound he made, had been the most disturbing thing she had ever heard. And she had heard many and varied screams in her life as a nurse. She had heard patients bellow like beasts due to pain or anger. She had heard family members howl in anguish after being informed of a loved one's death. But never before had she heard such a gut wrenching, fear inducing sound like his.

After getting his morning medicine, the antibiotic and the anti-anxiety pill, she poured him a glass of water and went back to the bedroom. For a minute, she stood at the door observing him documenting his dream.

Subaru leaned against the pillows, his face screwed up in deep thought and recollection. The pen scratched across the paper as he wrote as quickly as his hand would allow. When he glanced up to think, seeing her at the door, he smiled.

"Here. Go ahead and take this," she said, handing him the pills then the glass. "I skipped the pain pill since I gave you the morphine injection."

"Okay," he returned, popping the pills in his mouth and washing them down with the water.

"I'm going to go cook breakfast. You stay right here and rest," she ordered him.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, giving her a big, sincere smile of gratitude.

Millie smiled back at him, wondering how he found the will to smile at a time like this. After her divorce, and even before it actually, she had found it impossible to smile at all much less genuinely. It had taken her longer to be able to laugh again.

Maybe they should watch a comedy movie tonight. They could both probably use a good laugh.

"Let's see. What's for breakfast?" she asked herself, opening the refrigerator. "Fruit, bacon, and...oh, no eggs. Damn."

Millie had taken every single one to Loretta at the general store the day before bringing Subaru home. Grabbing the basket off the counter, she went to the coop to gather eggs since it needed to be done anyway.

"Shoo, ladies, shoo," she said, waving the chickens away from the nests amid clucks of protest and flying feathers. "I won't be but a minute."

She picked up the two green eggs, one blue, and one brown, complimenting the chickens on what a good job they did. People would think she was crazy to hear her talk to her animals. But she would swear they produced better when given words of encouragement and affection.

Before leaving the coop, she petted each one, taking them into her arms and stroking their silky feathers. Treating them like pets was also therapeutic for her.

When Subaru healed, gaining more strength, she would bring him with her to perform the daily chores. Not only would she appreciate the help, being around the animals would also improve his mental and emotional state.

Bluebell met her on the porch at the front door, begging for food. Smut soon appeared, joining in on the chorus of pleading meows.

"Fine, fine. Give me a minute and I'll cook you a special treat," she said, going into the house.

First she scrambled an egg with no seasoning, delivering it to the cats on their special chipped saucer. She must have the most spoiled barn cats in the country.

Millie put coffee on to brew before beginning their breakfast. By the time the food was cooked, the coffee was ready so she set the plates on the table. Stepping out into the foyer/hallway area, she hollered for him like any good Southern woman announcing a meal.

"Subaru! Breakfast is ready!" she yelled, stepping back into the kitchen.

Millie busied herself with the final touches on the meal, pouring orange juice and drizzling milk into her coffee.

"It smells great in here," he commented cheerily as he walked into the kitchen. "I'm starving."

Subaru stood beside the table dressed in long black denim shorts and an orange t-shirt. She had used the colors in the clothes he had been wearing when picking out the colors of all of his new clothes.

"Have a seat and get started," she invited him, setting the glass of orange juice in front of his plate.

"You don't have to tell me twice," he remarked enthusiastically, taking his seat. He placed his palms together, bowing his head. "Thank you for the food."

Millie smiled as he dug into the food with gusto. She picked at her eggs, eating half of them while he wolfed down his breakfast. Picking up one piece of the toast, she pushed her plate over to him when he finished his last bite of bacon.

"Here. You can have this too," she said, sipping her coffee with a little bit of cream.

That reminded her. The cows needed to be milked today. So the to do list begins.

"Are you sure? You haven't eaten very much," he said, glancing at her face. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I'm just not very hungry. I didn't sleep well."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I typically don't sleep great anyway."

Her inability to sleep well began with working the night shift in the emergency room in the hospital. It got worse after years of sleepless nights spent anxiously waiting for her police officer husband to come home alive from work. Then there were the many nights spent awake, alone and crying when her husband was at his girlfriend's house after he had told her he had an emergency call from work.

Millie had not had a good night's sleep in...well, she couldn't remember how long. Probably since high school when life was easier, and she was carefree. The biggest stresses in life then were who was dating who, what to wear to the Friday night dance, and Mr. Thompson's infamous pop quizzes in history class.

Millie sighed, picking up her coffee cup to take a drink.

"So what are we going to do today?" Subaru asked eagerly.

"I'm going to do farm work. Milk cows, clean out stalls, feed cows and chickens and cats... all sorts of fun stuff. You, Mr. Natsuki, are going to stay here and rest," she informed him. "Those ribs need to heal and you need to get your strength back. Enjoy it while you can. You're going to be my helper soon."

"I don't mind helping. I'll do the dishes. I can at least do that much," he said.

"I certainly won't say no to that. I'll be back in around noon for lunch. It will be too hot to do anything after that anyway."

"I can join you for a swim."

"Sure. That sounds like a plan. I better get going to get these things done."

Millie changed into her jeans and long sleeved Western style shirt. Despite the heat, she had to protect herself from the sun and bugs. Once her cowboy boots were on, she was ready to go.

Subaru met her at the door. He looked like a lost child, apprehensive and acting as if he wanted to ask her something. His cheeks were bright pink.

"What's wrong?" she asked, pressing her hands to his cheeks to check for fever. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," he assured her, taking her hands in his to pull them away from his face. "I just...I wanted to...Can I at least come with you to talk to you?"

"Sure," she laughed.

How could she resist his childlike innocence and tell him no? She could explain things to him and show him what to do while she worked so maybe when the time came for him to help her out things would go a bit smoother.

Besides, the companionship would be nice. She had been by herself for quite a while, almost two years. The anniversary of her divorce was coming up in three months. She sighed sadly.

As soon as Millie approached the fence, the cows came ambling over. Subaru immediately began petting Eclair, not waiting to be nudged into giving her his attention.

"I think you've become her new favorite person, Subaru," Millie said, climbing over the fence. "I'm taking Cupcake to the barn for milking. You can join me or stay here and get to know the rest of the girls."

"What are their names?" he asked.

"Brownie is the brown one, of course. The one you're petting whose mostly white with the black down her back is Eclair. This one is Cupcake," she said, scratching behind the ears the white faced cow with a completely black body. "Those two are Muffin and Chip."

"As in chocolate chip, right?" he inquired, glancing at the black and white mottled cows.

"Yeah, I named them all after sweet things I like," she admitted, blushing lightly.

"Cute," he chuckled.

Millie took the cow in through the back entrance of the barn which was accessible from the field. After leading her to a stall, she opened the front door of the barn not only so Subaru could enter but also to allow air to flow through the hot and stuffy building. Grabbing the stool and one of the clean, sanitized buckets from the sealed cabinet, she set to work.

Cupcake filled the bucket with rich, fresh milk. She was the best producer of the group. Brownie was second best. Eclair was old and would be retired soon. Muffin and Chip would need to be bred again soon to improve their milk production. Always so much to do.

Millie led Cupcake back out of the barn, patting her on the behind to bid her farewell and a job well done. She whistled to call over Brownie. Muffin and Chip were now at the fence begging for Subaru's attention.

He appeared content and relaxed as he scratched heads and patted necks. A far departure from the pinched, pained expression on his face this morning. She knew visiting the animals would be good for him.

Upon seeing her, Subaru smiled broadly and waved. Millie waved back. She felt content - and a little bit happy.

Once she settled down on the stool in preparation to milk Brownie, Subaru and the two kitties arrived to keep her company. The cats circled around him, weaving in and out of his legs as he stood by the open stall to watch.

"Is it hard to do that?" he asked.

"Not really. There's just a very specific technique, and it requires a gentle touch. Hey, watch this," she said, aiming one of the teats at Bluebell who had come over to her.

Millie shot a stream of milk at the cat who licked her lips then tried to lap at the constant stream aimed at her. Smut immediately ran up because she wanted a snack too.

Subaru started to laugh as she shot milk at the cats in turn while they tried to lap it out of the air.

"All right, girls, that's enough. I don't want to give you upset tummies," Millie said as if the cats could understand.

They actually did seem to understand as they sat down and commenced cleaning their paws and faces, ridding themselves of all of the milk remnants.

"Can I try milking her?" Subaru inquired.

"I guess so. It's not like you can strain yourself doing this. Come here," she said, waving him over and rising from the short three legged stood made specifically for milking.

Subaru carefully lowered his tall frame down onto the low stool with her help so he wouldn't fall on the hay covered floor.

"Take hold of the teat here at the top. Like this," she coached him, folding his fingers around the very top just below the udder.

"It's soft and squishy like a woman's - " He stopped speaking, blushing violently.

_Of all things for him to remember_, Millie thought as she snickered in amusement.

"Well, it is like a woman's breast. Except a cow breast. With extra long nipples," she added which made his blush deepen to a purple.

Unfazed by the breast comparison, she compressed his hand around the teat with light pressure, pulling down slightly to work his hand down the teat. Milk shot out into the bucket.

"Just like that. Try by yourself." She lifted her hand and stepped back.

"How can you talk about breasts without being embarrassed?" Subaru asked her, genuinely curious.

"I was a nurse. I had to get over being embarrassed easily real fast in order to do my job well," she explained. "You're doing great, Subaru. You catch on quickly."

Millie stood back, watching him. His blush gradually began to lighten as he focused on the mechanics of accomplishing a task. A smile touched her lips. His quickness to blush was precious.

"And that's that," she proclaimed when the bucket was full. "Good job, Subaru. I think I might actually be able to make a country boy out of you."

"I like it here," he said, picking up the bucket to hand it to Millie.

As if he had been doing this for a while, he led Brownie out of the barn by placing his hand on her neck and walking a little bit ahead of her so she would follow.

"Wow, an expert already," Millie complimented when he closed the gate and barn door behind the cow. "Will you carry that bucket for me?"

"Sure. What's next?" he asked as they carefully walked to the house to avoid spilling a drop from the full buckets.

"You are going to drink a big glass of water and sit on the porch swing. I'll clean out the stall and feed everyone. I might take a quick dip in the pool then I'll fix lunch to feed us."

"Are you sure I can't help?"

"I'm sure. I don't want you to overdo it. A nap would be a good idea too. Stay put at the house like I asked you to. Okay?"

"Okay," he reluctantly agreed, poking out his lower lip in a pout.

Millie set about accomplishing her tasks, occasionally checking on him to make sure his behind was planted on the swing and his water glass stayed full. She used the pretense of taking a water break for herself to check up on him.

By the time she was done, she was drenched in sweat and panting for air due to the heat. Seeing that Subaru had gone inside, retreating from the heat and possibly to take a nap like she had urged him to, she went to the pool.

At the stairs, Millie kicked off her boots and stripped off her socks stuffing them inside her boots which she left on the bottom step. Standing on the deck, she peeled her soaked shirt from her body. Glimpsing at the house to make sure Subaru wasn't close to any of the windows, she took off her jeans which was no easy chore because they were virtually glued to her legs with sweat.

"Yuck," she muttered, pushing them off of her feet.

Clad only in her pink cotton panties and plain white bra, she already felt much cooler. Without bothering to check the temperature, she dove into the water, skimming across the bottom of the shallow pool. After coming up to the surface, she wiped the chlorinated water out of her eyes and flipped over on her back.

"Ah, sweet relief," she sighed, floating around on her back.

Millie closed her eyes, drifting around the pool. Her mind also drifted, thinking about the man who had entered her life in the most unexpected of ways.

Subaru was thoughtful and caring, gentle and unassuming. It was difficult seeing him in the throes of that night terror. After experiencing that violent outburst, she could understand how he broke a nurse's nose. But he wouldn't have done that had he been awake and in control of senses.

"Millie?"

Millie opened her eyes to see Subaru standing above her on the deck. He was wearing his swim trunks, and she was wearing nothing but her bra and panties. Oh, well, it covered up more than some bikinis.

"Want to join me?" she asked, placing her feet on the bottom of the pool to stand up.

"Well, yeah," he responded with a 'duh' tone in his voice. "Of course I want to join you. I put on my trunks and everything."

Millie walked over to the ladder to help him. She extended her hands up to him, taking his hands in hers to steady him while he traversed the ladder. Noting the reddening of his cheeks, she wondered if it embarrassed him being treated like a helpless old man.

"It's cold. I didn't expect it to be cold," he remarked, splashing around lightly.

"It feels great! Perfect for cooling off."

Millie returned to her back to resume floating around the pool. She felt droplets of water being sprinkled on her then a small wave of water washed over her. She looked over at Subaru who smiled like a Cheshire cat at her, the expression of shameless mischief afoot. He splashed her again, sending up spray of water that hit her in the face.

"Why, you little -"

Millie stood to her feet, flinging water back at him. The water fight was on, both of them trying to douse the other despite already being immersed in the water. Unable to contain the giggles bubbling up from deep inside of her, she set them free, laughing loudly.

Her arms grew tired so she stopped, begging him to cease as well when he continued to hit her with walls of water. While she was looking at him, still giggling, his mouth lifted on one side giving him the most devious expression.

Subaru gradually disappeared under the water. She watched as he swam toward her, standing to his feet when he was right in front of her.

"I like being with you," he said, pushing her wet hair away from her face with his fingers.

"I like you being here," she responded, lightly resting her fingertips on his chest.

"Can I...can I...hug you?" he asked.

Not the question she expected. He requested a hug; not a kiss, not sex, but a hug. She found the bizarre mix of his awkward bluntness irresistible. Biting her lower lip to keep from grinning like an idiot, she nodded, giving him her approval for a hug.

Millie closed her eyes and held her breath as his arms enclosed her body, gently pulling her forward to press her body to his. Her hands glided over his chest to his arms, her fingers gripping his biceps while he held her. Never before had a simple embrace been so stimulating, so fulfilling, and more anticipated than a first kiss.

After standing in the pool for several long minutes, locked in an embrace, the temptation to push for more crept over Millie. She wanted to turn her head, allowing her lips to brush over his pectoral muscle where her cheek presently rested. Or she could lean her head back, enticing him to kiss her. Yet she stayed still.

"Subaru, you can let me go," Millie said, although she was not entirely uncomfortable being in his embrace.

"What if I don't want to?" he questioned her, flexing his arms around her.

"We can't stay like this forever."

"I know. Just another minute. This feels good, comforting. I think I need this."

Maybe she did too.

Millie closed her eyes again, allowing herself to fully sink into his warm embrace. Touch had the power to soothe and heal both physically and mentally. Perhaps this embrace was exactly what they both needed in this moment.

She tried to remember the last time she was hugged in such a way. Probably never. When was her last kiss? Her last sexual encounter?

Almost two years had passed since the divorce was final. She had stopped allowing Hal to touch her in any form or fashion, even a hug, way before that. Three years? Three and a half? Too damn long.

Millie held her breath when his fingers slid up her back, tracing her spine. She exhaled a quivering breath when his fingers lingered on the strap of her bra as if debating if he should take the chance of unhooking it.

"Subaru, we should go inside for lunch," she said, leaning back from him.

"Okay," he agreed, withdrawing his arms reluctantly.

They went inside, going their separate ways for showers then meeting again in the kitchen. Subaru assisted her with making sandwiches which they ate with the rest of the leftover chicken soup.

"You want to watch that movie now?" Millie suggested. "It's too hot to go outside and work."

"Sure. Why not? You pick though. I have no clue what I would want to see. I haven't seen a movie in..." Subaru paused, struggling to recall then sighing dejectedly. "Hell, I don't know why I bother."

"Well, if I had to guess, I'd say at least eight years because that's how long you've been off the grid taking into account the date on your identification card."

Millie sat down on the floor in front of the TV cabinet, opening the doors underneath to search through the movies. The movies were organized by genre, then alphabetized by title.

"Comedy? Romance? Definitely not drama," she mumbled to herself. "Fantasy? Horror?"

"God, no. Definitely not horror. I live that every night," he muttered, plopping down on the couch.

"Sorry. Comedy it is," she said, picking a movie at random.

She slid the movie disk into the gaming system which had become her extremely expensive DVD player. Out of spite, she had kept Hal's gaming console even though she hated video games. She had kept the games as well which occupied an entire shelf hidden behind a row of movies.

"Do you like video games, Subaru?" she asked, sitting down on the opposite end of the cushy dark brown leather sectional.

"I don't know."

"Well, you're more than welcome to find out by playing them. There's a ton on that bottom shelf. That will be a great way to entertain yourself while recuperating. Then you won't be so bored," she said, pressing the play button.

"I'm not bored," he yawned.

Maybe not bored but sleepy without a doubt.

"You can put your head in my lap if you want."

Millie sat in a cross legged position, putting one of the soft, furry throw pillows in her lap to encourage him to lie down. After he put his head in her lap, making himself comfortable, she ran her fingers through his hair.

"That feels so nice," he murmured, his eyes opening and closing slowly as he tried to watch the screen.

Millie put him to sleep before the opening credits finished. She continued to stroke his head, massaging his scalp with her fingertips.

"Please, have a sweet dream."

~\\../~

* * *

Subaru dreamed a pleasant dream. He dreamed of the woman with the dark red hair and light brown freckles sprinkled across almost every inch of her creamy white skin.

Millie was so natural and pure, easygoing and unassuming. She had the most amazing laugh. He loved hearing her laugh. The sound made him happy.

"Subaru."

The sound of his name on her lips calmed him, soothing his rattled nerves.

Even in his dream, her gentle fingers combed through his hair and caressed his face. Her touch rid him of the anxiety and fear that plagued him.

Subaru did not know what his future held for him. If he could not recall his past or get back to where he came from, he could only hope to build a future with Millie.

Only time would tell what would happen which scared the hell out of him. Time always seemed to be his enemy.


	4. Shared Misery

Subaru floated in that ethereal space between wakefulness and sleep. His brain gradually began to form coherent thoughts, drawing conclusions about his present situation from the environment around him. A soft, warm blanket covered his body. A fuzzy pillow supported his head. A comfy leather couch pressed against his side.

He sighed, snuggling deeper into the soothing cocoon created by the couch and blanket. He had the feeling this was the first time he had not been startled awake by a nightmare in a much longer time than his memory would allow him to recall.

There were also other feelings that he had not experienced in a long time: a sensation of contentment and safety. Squeezing his eyes shut, he concentrated on those feelings. He was not quite ready to leave this wonderful comfort zone drifting in and out of a sometimes painful reality.

Inhaling deeply, reveling in complete well being and peace, a sweet smell filled his nose. He knew this smell. Keeping his eyes closed, he rolled onto his back to sniff the air.

Chocolate? He sniffed again. Chocolate chip cookies? He couldn't remember the taste, but he recognized the delicious smell. Why did everything he remembered seem so familiar yet so foreign at the same time?

Subaru sat up, holding his head in his hands. He was not sure which of his memories were fantasy and which were reality. He recalled falling asleep on the couch, his head in Millie's lap. That was reality.

At first he had dreamed about a possible future with her. Then his dream shifted to the past. He definitely had a romantic past with the blue haired woman who appeared in his nightmares. He was more sure than ever he had loved her dearly.

Subaru had dreamed of another life with the woman called Rem. The house they lived in was small and cozy with rustic log walls and a thatched roof. He didn't recall seeing cows or chickens but saw himself riding on the back of a dragon across the vast wheat fields. Had they lived on a farm? But was it all a fantasy considering the dragon steed he rode?

His fingers curled into his hair resisting the urge to rip it out in frustration. The details trickled in at a maddeningly slow pace. What was with the dragons that kept popping up in dreams? Were they symbolic or real? How could they be real?

Still not sure if Rem was his girlfriend or his wife, he unhinged his fingers from his hair to study them for signs that he had worn a wedding ring. There was no tell-tale line on the third finger of his left hand. How could he remember stupid things like on which finger a wedding ring would be worn but not if Rem was his wife?

Issuing a groan of exasperation, Subaru laid back down. He was not ready to get up yet. Placing his hands over his eyes, he rubbed them as if to clear the bleariness from his brain.

"Subaru?" Millie called. "Are you all right?"

He opened his eyes, glancing toward the archway where she stood gazing at him with concern knitting her eyebrows together. She held a plate of cookies in her hand. He sat up in excitement upon seeing the pile of sweet treats.

"I'm okay," he answered, swinging his legs down to the floor to make room for her on the couch.

"Did you have another nightmare?"

"No. Not a nightmare. But I did remember a little more."

"Oh, let me go get your journal!" she exclaimed.

To his great disappointment, in her excitement she rushed off with the plate of cookies in her hand. He did not stay downhearted for long when she ran back and shoved the plate into his hands.

"Eat these!" Millie commanded him, running back to the short hall.

"You don't have to tell me twice," he murmured, picking up a still warm chocolate chip cookie.

Subaru was cramming a third cookie into his mouth when she returned with the journal and pen, taking the plate away from him. She pushed the journal and pen into his hands, sitting down beside him.

"Wait! I'm not done with those," he whined, spitting crumbs everywhere.

"Here," she said, shoving another cookie into his mouth. "Write!"

"Yes, ma'am," he mumbled around the cookie, happily following orders since she seemed willing to continue feeding him.

"Today we're going into town to deliver the milk and eggs to the general store. Monday is your first appointment with Doctor Burns. Next Friday, Doctor Jamison will take your stitches out. Speaking of that..."

Subaru stopped writing to watch her. She set the cookies down on the couch next to him then hurried to the kitchen. He continued writing until she returned with a glass of water and his morning medication.

"I know a glass of milk would be better with the cookies but you can't drink it with the antibiotic. The milk will prevent your stomach from breaking down and absorbing the medication correctly," she explained when he attempted to give her puppy dog eyes to change her mind about the beverage choice.

"Are cookies a good choice for breakfast?" he inquired as she returned to the kitchen.

"Oh, those cookies are good for you. They're actually full of healthy stuff. Oat flour, honey, ground almonds, protein powder - "

"There are chocolate chips in here right?"

"Yes!" she yelled from the kitchen.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm pouring the milk into bottles and sealing them up. I've been up since before dawn pasteurizing it and getting it ready. I'm glad you were able to get a good night's sleep."

"Yeah, I can't remember the last time I didn't wake up from a nightmare."

Millie reappeared, coming to join him on the couch. She placed her hand on his cheek and smiled at him. Her hand was soft and warm. There was a faint scent of the lemon soap. Her beautiful smile made him feel warm inside.

"I'm so glad," she murmured, her eyes connecting with his. "Lift your shirt."

"Huh?" he muttered, blinking in confusion.

"I need to check your ribs. Pull up your shirt," she ordered him again.

Subaru grabbed the hem of his shirt. Instead of simply pulling it up, he yanked the shirt over his head.

"Oh, my," she gasped, her cheeks becoming pink.

He was pretty proud of himself for making her blush. For a minute she appeared pleased with what she saw before shifting into full nurse mode and put her hands on his sides. Her fingers were cold so he grunted and shied away from their iciness on his warm skin. Goosebumps formed on his skin and his nipples tightened as well.

"Did that hurt?" she inquired, her eyes catching his.

"No. Your hands are cold," he admitted, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"Oh, sorry," she apologized, raising her hands to her mouth to blow on them.

"Here. Let me," he said, taking her hands and holding them between his to warm them.

Rosy red spots of color formed on the highest part of her cheekbones under her eyes. The bright red made her eyes a brilliant shade of emerald green.

"Thanks," she said, pulling her hands from his to continue the examination.

Subaru watched her face as she carefully poke and prodded. Her lips puckered as she concentrated, making him want to kiss her. The very thought made him blush. How could he be thinking about kissing her at a time like this?

He continued to study her face, screwed up into an angry expression although she was only focusing her attention. Her fingers were a little rough, tickling him ever so slightly. There was no pain except for a tiny twinge at the lowest part of his rib cage where the deepest bruise had not quite healed.

When she lifted her hands from his body, he ached just a little. Selfishly, he wanted her to keep touching him. He liked it. He craved her touch. She was so gentle and sweet and...

"So...no pain?" Millie asked, pulling his t-shirt from the back of the couch to hand it to him.

"No, not at all," he answered, putting his shirt back on.

After his head popped through, his face was in incredibly close proximity to hers. His eyes met hers briefly then lowered to her lips. He watched as the tip of her pink tongue darted out, licking across her delightfully full lower lip.

Oh, how he wanted to kiss her. Giving in to the temptation, he leaned forward with the intention of closing the gap between them and pressing his mouth to hers. Just one taste...that was all he wanted.

"That's great," she said, shoving a cookie in his mouth. "Have a cookie for being such a good patient."

"Thank you," he laughed to cover his embarrassment.

If anyone ever died of embarrassment, he wished he could do it now.

"Go get dressed. We should leave soon," she said, standing up.

She practically ran away.

"Ugh," he groaned, spraying cookie crumbs from his mouth. "Way to go, dumbass."

"Did you say something?" Millie questioned him from her room.

For her to usually be so soft spoken, she sure could project her voice from another room. And had the ears of a bat. Of course the house was really small, but seriously.

"No. Nothing," he responded, getting up from the couch.

Turning into the hallway, distracted by his shame from being so presumptuous, he bumped into her because she was equally preoccupied as she walked out of her bedroom. Instinctively, he reached out to grab her, not wanting her to fall. After taking hold of her body, one arm around her waist and the other around her shoulders, he drew her into him.

Subaru held her, not wanting to let go. It felt right and comforting having her in his arms. He could feel her trembling.

"Subaru - "

"You weren't this nervous when I hugged you yesterday. What's wrong?"

"I just feel...I want...but I can't..." She continued to search for the right words but came up empty. Finally, she settled on, "It's just been a while. Honestly, I'm not sure how long it's been since a man has hugged me."

"Oh, I'm sorry," he apologized, letting her go.

"It's nice. I like being touched by you." She inhaled sharply, her fingers flying to her lips, when his eyes met hers.

"You do?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow.

Her blush deepened to a purple-red color.

"Oh, I-I didn't mean, well, I uh...uhm, I like b-being hugged by you," she stammered.

Millie backed up then took a step to the side to physically extricate herself from the painfully distressing predicament he had gotten them into by giving her a simple hug.

Subaru had a tendency to get so wrapped up in himself and his own thoughts and feelings he forgot about taking hers into account before he acted on his whims. Perhaps she needed a bit of time to deal with the nightmares of her past as well.

~\\../~

* * *

Millie managed to get her breathing under control as she packed the eggs into the cartons while she waited for Subaru to get ready. Her overreaction to his innocent gesture of affection shocked her.

His initial attempt to kiss her had offset her. She wanted to kiss him but couldn't, feeling as if she would be taking advantage of a vulnerable man. Also, what if Rem was his wife? She absolutely refused to be the other woman because she had been on the receiving end of that pain too many times. She would certainly not inflict that heartbreak on another woman.

Her phone rang, scaring the hell out of her and instantly pushing aside her racing thoughts.

"H-hello?" she stammered.

"What's wrong? Did he try something?" Marianne demanded.

"Shit," Millie hissed, wishing she had checked the caller ID. "What's up, Sis?"

"Bo and I are off tomorrow. We're coming over for a cook out and to spend time getting to know your new man," she informed her little sister.

"He's not my man," she muttered.

"I have to admit, Millie. Running over a man is definitely a unique way to find a new boyfriend."

"He's not...oh, god never mind," she growled. "What time will you be over?"

Millie rolled her eyes. She was accustomed to Marianne inviting herself over, but now she was bringing Bo into the picture since they had started dating two months ago.

Marianne had never been into younger men, although Bo was younger only by four years being the same age as Millie. Obviously her sister's biological clock had begun ticking louder since she was pushing thirty having turned twenty nine on her last birthday.

Millie couldn't blame her for taking an interest in Bo. Bo was a nice guy and good looking. He had always been a fixture in their lives from being Millie's friend in school and presently hanging out at the dispatch office where Marianne worked since he was an EMT on an ambulance. The only thing that surprised her was that the two of them had not gotten together much sooner.

"I also need to bring your monster home. I miss my car," she said.

"All right. I suppose I need to get used to driving it again anyway," Millie replied.

Maybe she should consider selling her truck or possibly trading it in on a nice car.

"Bo will bring his grill, and I'll buy the meat. How does ribs, hamburgers, and hot dogs sound?"

"Heart attack worthy and delicious. What do I need to make?"

"I know today you'll be heading to Corinne's so I want you to buy all the stuff to fix the sides. Potato salad, coleslaw, baked beans, all that good crap. Oh, and make your peach cobbler," Marianne told her rather than asked.

Millie turned on the speaker phone and tucked the phone into the front pocket of her shirt as they continued to discuss food. She wrapped her fingers around the handles of the wooden crate in preparation to pick it up.

"I'll take that," Subaru said, placing his hands under the bottom and lifting the box away from her.

"Is that him?" Marianne yelled through the phone. "Hey, Subaru!"

"Who's that?" he asked, staring at her.

"Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Hey! Millie! Subaru!" her sister bellowed.

Millie took the phone out of her pocket to show him.

"My sister, Marianne. Say hello or she will keep screaming until you do."

"Hi, Millie's sister," he said into the phone outstretched toward his mouth.

"Hi there, stranger who stepped out of another universe! You better keep your hands to yourself or I'll - "

Millie panicked almost dropping the phone as her sister rattled off the rest of her threat, promising bodily harm. Something about changing him from a rooster to a hen with one shot. Marianne didn't even own a gun much less know how to shoot one. She pushed the speaker button to turn it off.

"Text me anything else you think of. Give me a time. I'll call you later!" she shouted into the phone and hit cancel.

Millie gave Subaru a sheepish grin, feeling her face growing hot again. She was tired of blushing already.

"Don't worry about her. She's just being an overprotective big sister," she explained, picking up the padded plastic bin she used to transport the cartons of eggs.

"Your sister seems to be quite...outspoken. When will I get to meet her?" he asked, sounding cheerful about the prospect.

She felt like he was definitely more happy about it than he should be. Marianne could be kind of hard to handle sometimes in her free thinking and even freer speaking.

"Tomorrow," Millie answered bluntly, propping the bin on her hip to close and lock the door behind them. "You'll get to meet her boyfriend too. He's a friend of mine. He's a good guy. Hopefully you'll find an ally to ward off the barrage of questions and threatening remarks from Marianne."

"Like the one she just said?"

Millie growled and rolled her eyes.

"Yes, exactly. Don't worry. She's all bark and not bite. I'd never let her hurt you anyway."

"Thanks for that."

"It undo all my hard work babying you."

"Oh, ha ha."

After loading the boxes into the trunk, they got into the car. She dropped her phone into one of the cup holders in the console between them.

"Can I see that?" Subaru asked, pointing at her phone.

"Sure," she replied, unlocking the phone and handing it to him. "Did you have a cell phone?"

"I think so. But it was definitely not like this," he murmured, staring at the device as if mesmerized.

Hal or one of his officers must have kept the phone without telling her about it. Damn him. Thankfully though, she had not heard from him since the accident. Although she was curious about the phone, she was not curious enough to contact Hal about it. He would most likely lie to her anyway.

They entered the main part of the town which looked like a movie set it was such a stereotypical scene of small town America. A big white courthouse with a fountain dominated the square which branched off into many side streets which were lined with stores and restaurants owned by individuals - no corporate franchises here.

Millie parked in front of the general store that had been open since before the Great Depression and had always been owned by a local family though not the same one. It was an old A frame building with a tin roof. On the wide front porch full of rocking chairs, old men sat and drank coffee, played checkers, and gossiped all day long.

"Hello, Bernie," she greeted the man who always wore a hunting cap and jacket even when it was a hundred degrees out like today.

"Hey, sweetie, how ya doin'?" he asked, giving her a wide toothless grin.

"Who's your young man, dahlin'?" inquired another man with glasses so thick they made his eyes appear enormous.

Millie did not bother to correct him. They would believe what they wanted to believe anyway and spread a rumor according to their assumption. However, she was pretty sure most of the town had already caught wind of _her young man_ regardless. Hal was probably the first one to get the rumor mill cranking.

"This is Subaru, gentleman," she announced to introduce him to the crew of nosy but harmless geezers. She pointed to the man with thick glasses, "That's Arthur."

The two men on the end playing checkers and ignoring them all for the sake of their game were named Oscar and Bill. Two of their crew, Norman and Tim, were absent today.

"Go on inside, honey. Corinne is waitin' fer ya," Bernie told her as if she didn't already know.

Corinne Anderson, a sassy woman with skin the color of brown sugar who could be just as sweet or mean as a snake depending on what kind of person you were. She claimed she had a sense for a person's true character which Millie completely believed. She was the latest owner of the Putnam General Store having acquired the establishment fifteen years ago after her grandfather died.

"Morning, Corey!" Millie called as she set the box on the counter.

Corinne popped up from behind the counter giving her a thousand watt smile.

"Hey, girl! Oooh," she cooed, giving Subaru a once over with her inquisitive dark brown eyes. "So this is him, huh? He's a cutie. A little on the skinny side, but your cookin' will fix that right up. Hey, baby, how ya feelin'?"

"Better. Millie is a great nurse," he said, smiling so broadly he looked like a complete dork.

"You're right about that," she agreed. "She was one of the best at the hospital. Until - "

"I brought the milk and eggs," Millie interrupted. "We need to get these in the cooler. I'll help. Subaru, have a look around. If you find anything you want, just grab it. Okay?"

"Sure," he replied to Millie, giving her a questioning look. His attention moved to the other woman. "Nice to meet you - "

"Corey," she supplied when he seemed unsure of what to call her. She extended her hand, shaking his warmly. "My friends call me Corey."

"Nice to meet you, Corey. I'm going to look around."

"You do that, I'm sure you'll find something you like here."

Corey turned to Millie raising an eyebrow.

"He's a good boy isn't he? So obedient," she teased, picking up the crate of glass milk bottles.

"Stop," giggled Millie, following her to the long cooler covering the entire length of one wall.

"Has he already found something he likes?" she asked, as they stood side by side at the open cooler.

"Stop that," Millie muttered, nudging her in the ribs with an elbow.

"Have you made a move yet?" the other woman inquired, the bottles clinking as she shoved them onto the shelf.

"Corey, no! Of course not!"

"He's cute. Seems nice enough. Why not? Plus you have the whole nurse and patient thing going on. It's kinda hot."

"I'm acting professionally. As a nurse, not a porn star," Millie added when Corey opened her mouth to speak.

"Damn girl, you're no fun at all."

"Corey, I can't do that. He needs my help. Besides, I owe it to him. I'm sure you heard what happened," she said, opening the cooler door to begin stacking the cartons of eggs.

"You know I heard. I've heard all sorts of crazy things."

"I have no doubt. I love this place but sometimes I really hate it too."

"Gotta love small town gossips. The worst of the bunch are outside on the porch. Hal absolutely loves them. Comes by every morning to have coffee with them. I'm sure he will hear about your visit tomorrow."

Millie groaned irritably. Hopefully Hal wouldn't take it upon himself to give her a call.

Corey poked her in the ribs with her elbow, nodding her head behind them. The both of them turned around to peek over the shelf to stare at Subaru three aisles over. As if sensing eyes on him, he glanced up from whatever he was looking at to see them gazing at him. Giving them a big silly grin causrf both women to dissolve into a fit of snorts and giggles.

"Damn, he is just too cute. If you don't want him, I'll take him," Corey offered.

"Honestly, it's not that I don't want to something. I just can't," Millie sighed. "I feel like I'd be overstepping bounds...taking advantage of a helpless man. Now isn't the right time."

"Maybe you're right," her friend agreed with a grunt of aggravation. "But don't let an opportunity pass you by should it arise."

Too late on that one.

"Marianne and Bo are coming over for a cook out tomorrow," Millie said to change the subject. "Help me pick out the stuff I need."

They went around the store gathering items, discussing recipes for potato salad and baked beans. Subaru had found the snacks, choosing several to try. He loaded his arms with bags of chips, packages of cookies, and several different candy bars.

"Do you mind?" he asked, dumping the armload of goodies on the counter.

"Not at all. Besides, we could use the chips tomorrow too," she said, pulling out her wallet. "And I like chocolate."

"Put your money away. We'll call it even for the delivery," Corey said, loading the items into the boxes.

"But this is more than - "

"Call it even," she repeated with finality.

Millie felt guilty because it was an uneven trade, but she kept her mouth shut. She would make it up to Corey somehow.

"See you next week!" she called as they walked toward the door.

"Sure thing, honey! You remember what I said," her friend called back, waving good-bye.

"What did she say?" Subaru inquired as they walked to the car.

"She gave me some advice. That's all."

"Good advice?"

"Questionable advice."

"Oh...are you angry?"

"No. Not really. Just...frustrated," she admitted withholding on the word sexual.

"I understand," he returned.

"Yeah. I think you really do."

Once back at the house, they took in the groceries. Subaru assisted her with unloading them, placing items in the higher cabinets she couldn't reach. Afterwards, she poured them tall glasses of soda which they drank standing at the counter.

"What do you want to do now? Take a swim, watch a movie?" Millie questioned him.

"Take a nap," he suggested with a chuckle when she stifled a yawn.

"Okay what about this. We can take a swim, get our showers, watch a movie, then most likely we will fall asleep so there's nap time too."

"Sounds like a good idea to me."

They both went to get changed into their swimsuits then met at the pool. After paddling around a bit, getting into another water fight, and relaxing some, they went back inside.

While Subaru was still in his room, Millie went to the kitchen to prepare sandwiches and drinks. Loading everything onto a tray, including two bags of chips and a couple of candy bars, she went to the living room to wait.

"Oh, nice!" he exclaimed, joining her on the couch. "I'm starving!"

"I picked a fantasy movie this time. Magic, weird worlds, strange creatures...dragons and such," she said, pressing the play button.

"O-okay," he stammered.

"What's wrong?"

"N-nothing."

Millie eyed him suspiciously. He seemed upset at the mention of the content. What a bizarre reaction.

She observed him carefully as he watched the movie. He appeared fascinated by the lovely women, elves and dwarves and other fantastic fictional species, with hair and eyes in all kinds of colors other than those that naturally occur in humans. The dragons seemed to make him uncomfortable as if he was not sure how to process them especially the evil fire breathing ones trying to kill everyone. In other parts, he grew visibly disturbed.

"Are you okay?" Millie asked him at the end.

"Yeah. Of course. It was just a movie, right? It wasn't real," he said, sounding as if he was reminding himself of that fact.

"No. It's all made up. Just someone's wildest dream."

"Wildest dream, huh?"

"Subaru, would you like to go lie down for a nap?"

"I think I should."

Millie followed him as he walked to his room. She actually planned on retiring to her own bed for a nap as well. When he hesitated at the door, placing his hand flat against it, but not pushing it open, she instantly grew worried.

"What's wrong?" she inquired, placing her hand on his back.

"Would you...would you mind lying down with me?" he asked, his face filling with dark red coloration to show his embarrassment. "I feel stupid asking...like a child who is frightened of the dark. But being close to you seems to make the nightmares stay away."

"It's okay," she assured him, turning the knob and pushing the door open. "I don't mind being nightmare repellent."

Pulling back the covers, she signaled for him to get into the bed first. Once he was positioned on his side, facing away from her, she got into the bed, pressing her body along the line of his backside and fitting her body to his. His body shivered vibrating the entire bed. She draped her arm over his waist, holding him loosely.

"Don't be ashamed. You've been through something terrible. There's nothing wrong with feeling what you feel," she assured him, running her fingers through his hair.

"Thank you for that. I like being with you. You have a way of making me feel better." He sounded so drowsy suddenly, as if on the verge of passing out already. "With your touch...your words...your...your..."

His voice trailed off as he dropped into an extremely relaxed state moving toward sleep. Millie kept rubbing his head until his breathing deepened and became rhythmic. He even began to snore lightly. She knew she should move to her own bed but gave in to her own drowsiness feeling warm and safe under the covers with him.

~\\../~

* * *

When Subaru awakened, the room was dark, leaving him disoriented and confused. As fear rose inside of him, cold sweat breaking out over his face and goosebumps rising on his entire body, he realized he was with her when her pleasing vanilla and lavender scented shampoo reached his nose.

"Oh, Millie," he whispered, pressing his forehead to her soft skin.

Subaru realized he had turned to toward her at some point during their sleep. Her chin rested on the top of his head and her arms encompassed his head and shoulders, holding him close to her chest. His chin was propped on one of her breasts. His lips grazed the swell of her other breast every time she inhaled then fell away with each exhale.

"Holy shit," he murmured, a blast of heat replacing the cold that had overtaken his body.

He tried to pull away, to wiggle out of her grip. She groaned sleepily, pulling him more tightly against her, and burying his face between her breasts covered by a tank top. Only a thin layer of cotton material separated his face, his mouth, from her sizable but not overly huge breasts.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," he chanted.

"Subaru, shhhh," she hissed, throwing her leg over his waist.

He moaned when she raised her other leg, brushing against the pulsating bulge between his thighs. He grunted as her foot pushed between his knees, her shin gliding over his throbbing erection. The friction of the movement, her leg pushing against him, gave him momentary relief from the ache of sexual desire then made it worse when it stopped moving, resting against him.

"M-M-Millie," he stuttered, his lips pressing to her skin in an accidental kiss.

"Subaru? Are you in pain? Did you have a nightmare? What's wrong?" she asked in rapid succession, almost panicked.

"No, not a nightmare. Uhm...uh, I-I'm a little bit of p-pain," he confessed.

"Where?" She moved to sit up, inadvertently kicking him between the legs.

"OH MY GOD!" he yelled, rolling into a ball of misery.

His sweaty forehead rested on her thigh since she was presently sitting up and he was lying down.

"Oh, OH NO!" she cried out when she realized what she had done to him.

"Well, that's one way to kill it," he whimpered.

"I am so so sorry," she apologized, carefully moving out of the bed. "Would an ice pack help?"

"I think I'd rather just be alone," he moaned, keeping his injured pride and joy as a man covered with his hands.

"I'm really sorry," she apologized again before leaving.

Subaru slowly got out of the bed, stumbling to the bathroom to take a cold shower in hopes that would help with the pain and swelling.

~\\../~

* * *

"Unbelievable. How could you be so stupid?" Millie admonished herself.

She couldn't figure out if she was more angry with herself for falling asleep with him to begin with or for accidentally kicking him in her drowsy, confused state.

"Dammit, you moron," she berated herself.

Going to her room, she glanced at the clock on her bedside table. 3:05 in the morning. The witching hour. Supposedly supernatural activity heightened during the time between three and four AM. That's what her mama always said.

She plopped down on the bed, taking a moment to catch her breath. Flopping onto her back, she stared at the ceiling, meditating on the turning blades of the fan to steer her mind away from the man in the room across the hall.

Millie decided she might as well begin the preparations for the inevitable cook out so she went to the kitchen to begin peeling potatoes. Dicing the potatoes, she kept her mind on the movements of the knife to keep from cutting herself. Perhaps this was the best thing she could have done, getting busy and occupying her mind she would not have to lie in bed and stew in her guilt and embarrassment.

After placing the pot full of potatoes and water on the stove to boil, she moved on to cutting cabbage and lettuce, along with the rest of the ingredients for the coleslaw and green salad. Once she finished the salads, she could go outside to tend to the animals, further separating herself from Subaru and keeping her mind from fixating on him.

However, her thoughts returned to him, recalling the sensation of his soft lips pressing against her breastbone. He had been so close. If he had just turned his head, he would have kissed her breast. A tingling sensation spread from the deepest part of her belly, warming her insides.

"Oh, god," she murmured, putting down the knife.

"Are you all right?" Subaru asked her.

Millie gasped and jumped, startled by his closeness. He was so close his warm breath had drifted across the back of her neck.

"I suppose," she answered breathlessly.

"I can help," he offered, reaching around her to pick up the knife.

The front of his body pressed along her back as he leaned over, trapping her body between his and the counter. She closed her eyes, listening the steady chop, chop, chop sound of the knife hitting the cutting board as he sliced through the hard carrots. Her hand rested on his forearm feeling the sinews working under her palm as he moved.

"Millie," he whispered in her ear, his voice raspy, roughened by desire.

She backed against her, her behind pressing into him below his waist. She could feel him, long and hard, through the several layers of material separating them.

"Would it be so awful if we - "

Millie cried out when his hand cupped her breast, his thumb rubbing across her nipple which strained against the cotton wanting to feel his touch again.

"Subaru, I don't think we should."

Before she could finish the sentence, he turned her around, pressing his mouth to hers. She moaned into his open mouth as he thrust his tongue into hers for a messy, wet, but enticing kiss. Her hands flew to his face, pressing to his cheeks as he probed her mouth with his inquisitive tongue.

His fingers pushed between the waistband of her shorts and underwear, pressing into her belly before pulling them both down to the floor. She couldn't say no and wouldn't say no as his strong hands enclosed her waist, lifting her. Her legs automatically encircled his waist as he carried her to the living room to the couch. They never broke the kiss as he carried her or as he sat her down on the couch, kneeling in front of her.

Millie leaned forward, aggressively shoving her tongue into his mouth as she assisted him with pushing down his shorts. Her hand touched his erection, her fingers wrapping around the rock hard shaft.

"How badly do you want me?" Subaru asked, claiming her mouth in a dominating kiss.

Millie moaned plaintively as he teased her by slowly sliding his tongue in and out of her mouth mimicking the movements of sex. She ripped her mouth away, stroking his manhood she still held in her hand.

"You tell me," she ordered him, sucking on his teasing tongue briefly. "How much do you want me?"

He groaned, a guttural sound that excited her, making her want him more. It seemed he had forgotten she held just as much control over him.

"So much," he admitted in a sexy growl. "I need to make you mine."

Millie whispered his name, guiding him into her. She threw back her head, crying out with both pleasure and pain as he thrust into her tight body that had not known a man in several years.

Millie shook herself awake. She opened her eyes. The fan turned overhead, the four blades merging into one.

"Only a dream," she sighed not sure if she was relieved or disappointed.

A glimpse of the clock told her she had been asleep for thirty minutes and not gotten a damn thing accomplished, although she had been dreaming about the preparations - among other things.

Well, she was definitely not going to get to back to sleep now so she might as well get up and make part of that dream a reality. The other part, the more erotic, pleasurable part, would have to wait for a later, more appropriate time. If there was an appropriate time for such a thing.


	5. Romantic BS and Flattering Bluster

Millie completed the morning chores in record time. The excess nervous energy stemmed from being sexually frustrated after her shockingly erotic dream. She took a cold shower, mostly because of feeling like she was melting in the already oppressive summer heat and humidity. Thank goodness they planned on spending the day around the pool. Today would be a scorcher. After dressing in her sky blue string bikini with a ruffle over the top of each piece, she pulled on a t-shirt and short denim shorts.

Subaru had not yet emerged from his room prompting her to check on him. Lightly tapping on the door, she called his name. When she did not receive an answer, she carefully opened the door to peek inside. Despite having kicked the covers off, he slept peacefully, laying spread eagle on his back. His long arms and legs reached from corner to corner on the bed.

For a moment, Millie studied the serene expression on his face. He appeared relaxed and care free like nothing in the world bothered him. She was thankful for that. She was happy for him. He deserved to not be tortured by the awful dreams that had plagued him.

She, on the other hand, still felt a little bit disturbed and off kilter from that sexy fantasy about him. While trying not to recall specific details about the dream, a blush heated her face and flowed downward until her chest reddened as if she had been sunburned. Then a smile touched her lips.

Once in the kitchen, she set about preparing the side dishes. She felt like she was preparing them twice after having the far too realistic dream. Music played through her phone to keep her mind occupied. Humming along helped to soothe her rattled nerves. Apprehension over her sister's possible misbehavior at the upcoming cook out spurred her on to crank out the food at a swift pace while she worked at the fast beat of the music she listened to.

"Good Morning!" Subaru proclaimed cheerily.

"Yeep!" she exclaimed in surprise at the unexpected sound of his voice.

She nearly dropped the cut glass bowl full of potato salad she held in her hands. That would have been a tragedy for two reasons: she would have broken her grandmother's dish, and she had no ingredients left to make more. She carefully placed the dish in the refrigerator and closed the door.

Turning around to greet him, she saw him standing at the counter in nothing but his black swim trunks with the orange stripe down the side. Their eyes met, and she blushed. He chuckled, raising his hand to cover his mouth and hide his goofy grin.

"What?" she asked.

"What was that sound you made? A loud squeak of some sort. Eep?" he inquired, a toothy, impish smile on his face.

"It was yeep," she corrected him, laughing at herself. "That's an extra special eep to let you know you scared the hell out of me."

They both laughed at her definition.

"Hungry?" she asked.

"No. Not really," he replied, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously. "I had a dream that...well, never mind."

"You looked like you were sleeping so well. It wasn't a nightmare about the past was it? "

"I did sleep very well. It wasn't a nightmare about the past. It was...it was maybe...I don't know." His face turned such a bright red it almost glowed. "It might be a dream about the future."

"Future? What kind of future? What do you mean?"

"Never mind. Forget I said anything."

Millie hurried over to him to check for a fever. She pressed her hand to his forehead, then his cheeks.

"I'm fine," he protested, rolling his eyes but made no move to push her cool hands away.

"Do you feel sick?"

"It's not a fever. I'm good."

He averted his eyes from hers as she studied his face more closely.

"I need to clean those stitches. Come sit down," she insisted, pulling him to the table by his hand. After pushing him down into the chair, she quickly retrieved the kit of medical supplies needed, setting it on the table.

"The stitches are okay. Really!" he cried out as she picked up the brown bottle and gauze. "Ow!" he grunted she pressed hydrogen peroxide soaked gauze to his forehead.

"Don't be a baby," she scolded him good-naturedly using a tender touch.

Directing all of her attention to cleaning the stitched skin, she did not notice that his hands rested on her hips while she stood in front of him. The intent gaze of his eyes on her face as she tended to him finally garnered her attention.

"What?" she inquired, glimpsing down at him before returning her eyes to the scar waiting to happen. "Do I have something on my face?"

"The prettiest freckles I've ever seen," he said, his voice a bit breathy. "You're beautiful, Millie."

His astonishing sincerity when declaring the simple compliment caught her unaware, causing her to stop her fussing over him. Her green brown eyes shifted downward to look into his warm chocolate brown irises.

"Thank you," she croaked, clearing her throat. "You're very sweet, Subaru."

After gingerly patting antibiotic ointment on his forehead, she felt his hands fall away from her hips. There had been a certain comfort in his touch, but she also found it nerve wracking as well. She put away the medical items in the cabinet where she kept them with the other first aid supplies.

"I'll fix you some breakfast," she stated sternly not allowing for argument.

Five minutes later, Millie placed a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of him.

"It's not much, but - "

"It's perfect. Like you," he added, seizing her hand before she could walk away from the table.

"Subaru..." She placed her hand over his. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest, bumping against her ribs. "You're an absolute doll, but don't you think you're laying on the flattery a little bit too thick?"

His face darkened with embarrassment. He pulled his hand from under hers to eat his breakfast in silence.

Millie chose a ripe peach from the basket to begin peeling and slicing it. She pretended not to notice Subaru watching her. His complimentary words had been nice to hear, but she could not allow her heart to float away after hearing a few pretty words that stroked her ego.

"It's really not that interesting," she murmured, feeling self-conscious under his close scrutiny.

"I like watching everything you do," he returned, giving her his big silly grin that made him look like an adorable kid. "I can help you know. I think I can use a knife."

"Well, I'd rather not find out the hard way if you can't. You don't need anymore stitches before those come out," she said, sliding the super sharp knife under the thin, fuzzy skin of the fruit.

Millie turned the peach in her hand, holding the knife stationary while the peel came off in a single long spiral that folded onto the plate underneath. She sliced into the peach and juice ran down her arm.

"Oh, my goodness!" she exclaimed, bending her arms and leaning over the plate when the juice reached her elbow.

"Let me help," he said, seizing her wrist.

"But - "

Subaru pulled her arm forward, her body leaning half way over the counter, as he brought her arm close to him. He placed his tongue against her elbow to catch the drop of juice before it dribbled onto the counter or the floor. His first taste of sweet peach juice made him hum in approval. His warm, wet tongue glided up her arm, following the line of juice up to her wrist that he held in his hand.

"Mmmmm," he hummed again with satisfaction, licking his lips. "Delicious."

Millie gaped at him. Her entire body trembled. She felt hot and dizzy. Confused as to whether she should feel carnally excited or violated in some weird way, she continued to stare at him with a dropped jaw. Had that just really happened?

The doorbell rang to be immediately followed by an insistent rapping on the front door, snapping her out of her catatonic state. She put down the fruit and knife to go answer the door, wiping her hands on her apron as she went.

"Hi! We're here," Marianne and Bo yelled in unison

"So you are," Millie said, less than enthused. "Yay."

"What the hell is wrong with you? You're as red as vine ripened tomato," her sister quickly pointed out for everyone to see.

"It's hot in the kitchen," she offered as an excuse, closing the door after they scooted in past her.

Marianne spotted Subaru standing in the kitchen wearing shorts and a smile.

"Hi!" he greeted them, raising his hand in a wave.

"Oooh, I'd say it's hot in the kitchen," Marianne said, shamelessly staring.

"I'm right here," Bo reminded her, elbowing his gawking girlfriend in the side. "I can hear you. And see you."

"Behave," Millie hissed, pinching her sister on the arm to make her stop staring.

"Hey, Subaru, wanna help me unload the grill?" Bo asked.

"Bo, I don't think that's a good idea."

"I'm an EMT, Millie," he rejoined, despite her already knowing his occupation. "I won't let him get hurt. Besides, I'm sure you've been babying him like he was a fragile china doll."

"You know she has," Marianne chimed in. "Go on, Subaru. You'll be fine. If you get hurt, you have an EMT already there on the scene."

"That's comforting," Millie muttered irritably.

Millie and Marianne watched both men walk out to the truck. From a distance, the two appeared to be a skinny, gangly teenage boy walking beside a superhuman hulk of a man.

"He's really cute. A little thin for my taste but with good muscle tone. Not too bad body wise," Marianne commented, closing the door. "No wonder you want to hit that."

"I never said...okay you can stop that shit right now!" Millie snapped. "Because of you and Corey putting those thoughts in my head, I had a dream...a super sexy dream...about him last night."

"Ooooh, do tell," her sister implored her, plopping down in a bar stool and anxiously awaiting details.

"I will not," Millie returned, turning red again. "You perv."

"It must have been a good one," her sister said, waggling her eyebrows.

"Shut up and help," she ordered the lewd woman, sliding the bowl of peaches and the knife over to her. "Besides, why are you shoving me at him when you were afraid he was some kind of psychotic killer?"

"Mmph," she mumbled, shrugging. "I stand corrected. He certainly can't be worse than that last three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket that you married."

"Let's not ruin the day by talking about the ex-husband."

"Good idea."

"Hey, babe!" Bo called from the door. "You want us to blow up these floats for you and Millie after we get the grill started."

Millie glanced over to see Bo holding two limp and flat lengths of plastic, one pink and one white.

"Sure thing, Sweet Cheeks," Marianne responded.

"Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick." Millie feigned throwing up in her mouth.

"You're just jealous."

"Yeah, you're probably right. You two are sickeningly adorable together."

"Thanks."

After several minutes of silence while Millie set the baking dish on the counter and gathered the rest of the ingredients for the cobbler, Marianne finally spoke.

"I still haven't told Mom and Dad about Subaru. But they know," she added as a warning.

"How could they not? The General Store gossip crew?" she inquired, referring to the old men who took up space daily on the front porch of Corey's store.

"Yep. Of course. Loose lipped old farts."

"Ah, they're harmless. Besides, I should have already said something. I just don't feel like dealing with the questions and the parental concern...and the everything I've already had to hear over and over."

"You've got enough to deal with. I brought my special Sangria to help you. I'm sure the boys are already into the cooler. Let's go."

"But Subaru shouldn't drink."

"He'll be fine. Besides, Bo is - "

"Bo will be a useless drunk EMT so don't tell me that."

Once the cobbler had been slid into the oven to bake, the women went outside to join the men. They were under the shady tree where white plumes of smoke exited the vent holes on the top of the grill. Subaru worked the foot pump to blow up the ridiculous looking and massive swan floatie. The pink flamingo float was already in the pool. By the time both of the large, inflatable birds were in the water, there wouldn't be much surface area left for anyone else to swim around in.

Marianne pulled out the huge glass drink dispenser setting it up on the folding table the guys had put up and lined with grilling implements. She filled it with the two bottles of white wine, cut up peaches, and ginger ale which comprised her 'special' Sangria. Nothing fancy but it tasted fantastic. She poured herself and her sister a red plastic cup full.

"Here ya go, my lady," Subaru announced, handing her the fully inflated float.

"Thank you, sir," she returned with a chuckle at their mockingly formal exchange.

The two women went to the pool, wine drink in hand. They sat down on the wooden deck allowing their feet and legs to hang over into the cool water.

"This is nice. I'm glad you two came over," Millie said, sipping her drink.

"Me too," Marianne returned, holding up her red cup. "A toast to those who are about to get toasted."

"Here, here!" Bo yelled, raising his glass bottle of beer.

"I'll drink to that," Subaru joined in, raising his bottle.

"He's a grown up, he'll be fine, drink your Sangria," her sister ordered her when she opened her mouth to object to Subaru drinking.

Well, Subaru hadn't taken any pain medicine in about twenty-four hours. He would be fine since they weren't combining in his system. Otherwise he might be three sheets into the wind after one beer.

"So where do you see this going?" Marianne asked.

"What going?" Millie rejoined, pretending not to know what her sister was talking about.

"Dammit, Millie. You know what I mean!"

"I don't know. I'm not really hoping for or assuming anything. Wouldn't it be kind of weird if we became a...thing?"

"People have met under worse circumstances and _become a thing_ as you so delicately put it."

"Oh, yeah? Who?"

Marianne sat silent for a minute or more, drinking and thinking.

"Anyone?" Millie needled her.

"Well, maybe they haven't, but still..."

"I'm going in to get the cobbler out of the oven. Get me a refill will ya?" she asked her sister, handing her the empty cup.

Millie hurried into the house to retrieve the dessert before it burned. As she was sitting the pan on top of the stove, she heard the door open behind her. Assuming her sister to be the person coming into the house, she started talking to resume their conversation.

"Subaru is really sweet. Thoughtful and kind. He said some of the nicest things to me this morning. It just set me all a tingle."

"Oh, really?" Subaru inquired.

"Yeep!" she squeaked.

"There's that sound again. It's so cute!" he said, smiling broadly at her.

"Oh, god," she gasped wishing if she was ever going to die of embarrassment she would do it now.

"Set you all a tingle, huh? I like the sound of that."

Millie pressed her back against the counter as he walked toward her. Her eyes dropped to the floor, unable to look at him as her mortification turned her into a shy wilting flower. Her heart skipped a beat when he touched her, placing his hand under her chin. She refused to allow him to lift up her head, pushing her chin downward toward her chest.

"Look at me," Subaru implored her.

Millie reluctantly raised her eyes to his face.

"Why are you so ashamed for feeling good about yourself after I gave you a compliment? Why do you think I said it to begin with?" he asked her.

"I-I don't kn-know," she stammered, her eyes shifting back and forth between his.

Under different circumstances she would have admitted her first thought was that he was just after something, using poetic words and flowery compliments to get her into bed. But surely that can't be his motivation.

"I don't know what he did to you to hurt you so terribly, but I'm not him." His eyes held hers.

"Oh, yes. I'm aware of that."

"Is it so wrong if I like you?"

"No, but - "

"You're kind and pretty. You've taken such good care of me when you didn't have to do anything at all."

That wasn't really true, she wanted to argue but couldn't find her voice.

"How could I not be totally in like with you?"

"In like," she repeated with a wavering smile.

Millie was relieved he didn't say love because that four letter L word would have been too much for her heart and brain to take in this given moment - both might have absolutely exploded.

"Millie, I - "

"Hey, come on!" Marianne interrupted after bursting through the kitchen door from the back porch. "Bo is putting the burgers on the grill."

"I'll go help," Subaru offered, walking away from Millie and out of the door.

"Dammit," Marianne growled, rolling her eyes. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"You didn't interrupt anything," Millie assured her.

"Oh, I definitely interrupted something. I don't know what was going on exactly, but that was, without a doubt, _a moment_."

"You have got to stop with the romantic bullshit."

Millie sighed, walking over to the refrigerator. She opened the freezer and stuck her head inside. The cold air felt good on her hot skin. Her blood pressure couldn't take much more of this.

"Come on, Sis," Marianne said, pulling her sister's head out of the freezer and pushing her toward the door. "I've got an ice cold drink waiting for you outside."

After drinking their second cup of Sangria, the girls were ready to attempt getting on the floats - which was probably an epicly bad idea. Millie leaped from the deck onto the back of the swan float. At first it appeared she had succeeded in gaining her seat. When she attempted to maneuver into a more comfortable reclining position, the entire thing flipped, dumping her off into the water. Everyone laughed including her.

Marianne decided to take a more conservative approach by getting into the pool, and then trying to climb onto the flamingo's back. She hopped up, flopping onto her belly on the flat but moving surface. Waving her arms in the water, attempting to swim onto the floatie, the inflatable bird moved across the water as if trying to run away from her.

After several failed attempts in varying degrees of hilarity, both women succeeded at last in getting on the floaties to glide around the pool. Sunglasses on and drinks in hand, they found themselves tipsy and relaxed.

"You know you're going to be serving us drinks and food in here, don't you?" Marianne asked Bo.

"That's fine. Whatever makes you happy, babe," he responded, placing the hot dogs on the grill.

"Wow, you sure have got that one wrapped around your little finger," Millie commented.

"It's all in how you train them," she said only half joking. "Bo! I need a refill."

"I'll get it," Subaru offered.

"You're a good man," Bo said, turning the check the burgers.

The women paddled their way over to the edge to hand him their cups.

"Thanks, hon," Marianne said when he returned with a full cup.

"Wanna join us?" Millie asked, reaching up for her cup.

"Later. I like that swimsuit by the way," Subaru said with a wink.

"Oh, look at you two being all flirty and shit," her sister giggled drunkenly.

The two women watched the men as their floats drifted around the pool. The two men talked and laughed, sharing a joke that the women couldn't hear being several yards away. Bo handed Subaru the tongs to tend to the meat on the grill which was the Southern male's equivalent of passing on the torch to fulfill a sacred duty.

"Bo seems to really like him. I'm assuming that's one seal of approval," Millie remarked, pushing her sister's flamingo away with her foot and making herself sail across the water and bump into the edge. "What about you? What do you think of him?"

At first Millie thought her sister had fallen asleep. Her eyes were hidden behind mirrored sunglasses, and she lay flat on her back and not moving an inch. Then Marianne made an 'eh' sound and shrugged, taking a long sip of her drink.

"He seems pretty okay. More importantly...what do you think of him?" her sister questioned her pointedly. "I mean as a man...not as your patient."

"I don't know. I haven't really thought much about it."

"Except for a sexy dream about him."

"Shhhh!" Millie hissed, her temperature rising exponentially and having nothing to do with the blazing sun overhead.

"What if he was sent here for some very special reason? A man specifically brought into your life by fate or whatever. It's weird that he just showed up out of nowhere. We don't know where he came from or why. Maybe you need him as much as he needs you," Marianne suggested.

"Sounds like a movie of the week from one of those sappy women's channels. Romantic bullshit," she scoffed, finishing off her drink.

"You used to be all about some romantic bullshit."

"Yeah. And look where that got me."

Millie flipped off of the swan to cool down in the water, allowing herself to sink to the bottom of the pool. Beneath the water it was quiet. Her body was suspended but supported by the water at the same time giving her a sense of comfort and safety. When her breath ran out, she left her fluid cocoon, popping above the surface to breathe.

"Hey," Subaru called to her.

"Hey yourself," she replied, wiping the water out of her eyes.

Bo was assisting her sister with getting out of the pool by plucking her straight from the back of the flamingo float using the abundant strength of his brawny arms. He set her on her feet on the deck, taking the towel hanging around his neck to wrap it around her body.

"Take my hand," Subaru urged Millie, reaching down to her.

"You know you're going to fall in if I reach up and grab your hand. I'll just walk over to the ladder," she said, turning toward the ladder which was mere feet away.

"I'm stronger than you think. Try me," he invited her.

"Fine," she sighed, moving to the side of the pool.

Millie extended her hand, taking his. She noticed that he had set his feet on the very edge of the deck closest to the pool, his toes curling over the side. As he squeezed her hand and pulled, he leaned back rather inclining forward which would have caused him to take a header into the water. Placing her feet on the side of the wooden decking, using his full body weight, he pivoted her body up and out of the water. When he stepped back, she was able to come to a complete standing position in front of him.

"Ah, that was incredible," she said, excited by the fact that he had given no indication of being in pain. "Those ribs have healed wonderfully."

"That's all you can say? Not, oh what a strong, handsome man," he said, raising his voice to a high, feminine falsetto.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, you're that too," she chuckled.

He picked up the towel from the deck, unfolding it. Draping it over her head, he gently patted her face dry.

"I could do that you know," she murmured, but made no move to reach up to take the towel from his hands while he carefully rubbed it across her head to dry her hair.

"I know. But it's okay for you to let me to take care of you too. I'm not helpless. I lost my memories not all of my mental and physical abilities," he reminded her. "You've been working so hard. Let me do more to help you."

"I've just never..." Her words trailed off as his hands moved down her arms over the towel.

"As long as I'm here you don't have to do it alone," he told her, wrapping the towel around her body. His fingers brushed across her cheek then smoothed over her wet hair. "You don't have to be alone anymore."

"Let's eat!" Bo announced before entering the house through the back door with Marianne behind him.

"Guess we should go in," Millie said, reluctant to move to break the spell that surrounded them.

"Yeah. I guess so," he responded without moving.

"Hey! Lovebirds!" Marianne bellowed from the back porch like a mad mama when the kids won't come inside. "Break it up and come on! I'm starving!"

The two of them laughed, blushing lightly. Subaru took her by the hand, making her heart beat fast and hard inside the cage of her ribs.

_Set it free...set your heart free and love him_, a voice inside her head implored her. Then the voice of reason stepped in with a flat out denial of acquiescing to silly, romantic notions. _No! Not yet._

Millie pulled her hand out of his, pretending to need it to finish toweling off as they walked toward the house.

When they entered the kitchen, Marianne already had the food set out on the counter in a buffet style arrangement.

"Thanks," Millie said with genuine gratitude.

"It's the least I could do for inviting myself over. Dig in," she encouraged her sister. "You look tired. Are you okay?"

"Just the sun and fun, you know," she lied not wanting to admit in front of Subaru she had not been sleeping well at all.

"I'm afraid I've interrupted her sleep on quite a few occasions," admitted Subaru for her. "She's probably been a bit anxious every night, afraid of what might happen."

"What might happen, Subaru?" Marianne asked, gazing fixedly at him. Since he was being so forthcoming she wanted to know more.

"It's PTSD, Marianne, that's all. The nightmares. The flashbacks." She glanced at Bo who had served two tours of duty in the Middle East during his short but traumatic military career. "You know what that's like."

"I do," she sighed, giving Bo a big smile. "But when you love someone, you'll do anything to help them...to save them from themselves even."

Subaru and Millie both blushed, casting bashful glimpses at each other then turning their attention to the food to offset the awkwardness. Neither one of them knew if it was love quite yet but it was definitely something. His words returned to her: _i__n like - _that's it_._

After eating a delicious lunch, they took turns getting showers before settling into the living room to play board games. They laughed and talked, keeping the conversation and the mood light.

"Why don't you two play video games?" Millie suggested when she began to grow weary, finding it nearly impossible to think of words while playing Scrabble.

"Do you want to go lie down?" Marianne asked her.

"I can't," she replied, getting to her feet. She picked up the empty dessert plates and coffee cups. "I need to - "

"You need to rest," her sister cut her off. "I'll clean up the kitchen and put up the food leftover from lunch. The guys can take care of the animals and anything else that needs to be done."

"But I - "

"To your room young lady," her sister ordered her, taking the plates and cups out of her hands.

At this point, Millie was too tired to argue. She covered her mouth to hide a yawn.

"Okay. Thank you. Subaru - "

"I'll be fine," he assured her. "Just go."

Everyone keep cutting off her sentences that she was actually too exhausted to finish anyway. Since they were so insistent, she gave into her body's desire to lie down and sleep. 

~\\../~

* * *

Subaru kept his eyes on her as she disappeared down the hall. His brow furrowed with worry. For several weeks now she had been tirelessly caring for him while taking care of everything here on her little farm. Since his injuries had healed, he vowed to do more to help her no matter how much she protested.

"She'll be fine, dude," Bo said, opening the cabinet under the television. "That's just the way she's always been. She gets so busy taking care of others she forgets about herself. It made her an awesome nurse, but an awful patient when she would collapse from exhaustion."

"Yep, that's my little sister," Marianne sighed in exasperation. "I'm going to kitchen to get started cleaning. You two have fun but don't forget about what the chores you need to tend to."

"Yes, my dear," Bo calmly responded, setting up the gaming console.

"How long have you known Millie?" Subaru inquired.

Millie had not told him too much about herself. She not even gone into any detail about her connection with Bo other than he was dating her sister. She always shied away from discussing the topic of herself and her personal life, especially her ex-husband.

"I've known her all my life," he answered with a proud smile. "Our mamas were friends. We've been friends practically since before birth. They were pregnant at the same time. Millie and I were born only days apart. We went to the same school until college. Our families even went on vacations together every summer. She's more like my sister than a friend actually," he said, handing Subaru a controller.

"Marianne is not like your sister too?"

"Oh, hell, no, man. I was always this annoying little kid to her. Her sister's best friend forever. I think I fell in love with Marianne when I was around thirteen. Puberty struck and girls started looking good. Real good. Marianne was the best thing going. She was a senior in high school. Head cheerleader, Homecoming Queen, Class President, and Valedictorian. A strawberry blond and dark blue eyes. Gorgeous. God, she was perfect. I never thought she'd ever look my way."

"So what changed?"

"I grew up." Bo raised his arm, flexing his brawny bicep. "But I think the thing that really made the difference was we gained a common enemy in Hal. I guess I can thank that asshole for bringing us together. During Millie's divorce, we started talking...a lot. Two years later we realized we really cared about each other and started dating."

"Was Hal a friend of yours?"

"Both mine and Millie's. Hal moved here in second grade. Millie talked to him first. She always talked to the new kids first. She hated to see anyone alone Naturally I had to be friends with him too. We were like three musketeers. Hal didn't take a romantic interest in Millie until the beginning of our junior year."

"Did that bother you?"

"Yeah...a lot," he confessed. "Not because I was ever interested Millie like that, but because I knew how Hal treated women. He fell in love fast, pouring on the romantic charm, then he grew bored and moved on to the next girl. Sometimes without telling his present girlfriend. But with Millie...he was different. The whole time they dated, he never looked at another girl. On the night we graduated, she told Hal she was pregnant."

Subaru felt like he received a punch in the gut.

"She and Hal got married soon after graduation. I begged her not to do it. That there would be other ways to take care of the baby. Or maybe she could give it up for adoption. Unfortunately, she lost the baby at six months. Or maybe it was more fortunate for her and the baby, I don't know...it's hard to say if it's good or bad when something like that happens," Bo said in a low voice as if not wanting her sister to overhear in the kitchen.

Subaru pressed a hand to his chest. There was a physical ache in his heart. More questions about himself filtered into his muddled brain. Did he have a child? Did he and Rem have a family? Somehow he didn't think so but he had no way to know without a doubt - not until he remembered more.

"Her losing the baby tore them apart. But they stayed married. Hal went to the police academy. Millie went to nursing school. Hal changed after becoming a police officer. Or maybe he changed before that and no one noticed because they were too busy dealing with their own shit. I can't say for sure."

Bo paused, taking a deep breath before to look straight at him. The man's vibrant light blue eyes seemed to pierce through to his soul.

"Look, Subaru, I need you to keep this conversation between the two of us. Millie would probably kill me if she knew I told you so much," he said.

"I won't say a word. I promise," he swore.

"There's one more thing I need to tell you as well. If you dare to hurt her, in any way, whether it be harming her physically or breaking her heart, I will kill you," he threatened Subaru with the deepest sincerity. "Yours would be a body they would never find. You popped into this place out of nowhere so no one would really think too much about it if you disappeared just as quickly. You got me?"

"I understand," he gulped.

Subaru stared at the man who he had no doubt could tear him limb from limb with his bare hands. Although Bo was friendly and laid back, the man showed a completely different and much scarier side when it came to the thought of Millie being hurt by another man.

"Now, let's play," Bo announced, shifting back into his nice, fun loving good guy mode.

Subaru received a horrible ass kicking in the game. Although he seemed to remember playing video games, he had not done so in quite a while which left him pathetically inept. The distraction of the thoughts running around in his head on an endless loop did not help him either.

"I give up," he muttered after dying in the game for what seemed the hundredth or so time.

"We'll play again some time."

"I'll practice, and be ready to kick your ass next time," Subaru warned him with bullshit and bravado galore.

"I'll take you up on that offer, man. Better be ready. Don't cry when I hand your ass to you on a silver platter again."

"All right, kids," Marianne broke in before their trash talk continued. "You've had your fun. Time to do a little work."

"What the hell are you doing?" Bo demanded with mock anger when she flung her body onto the couch and grabbed the remote.

"I'm going to watch a movie. I was busy working while you two played games. So off with yourselves," she said, waving them away with her hand.

~\\../~

* * *

Millie experienced a deep and dreamless sleep. She had not enjoyed such a refreshing rest in a long time. Not moving a muscle, she kept her eyes closed relishing the perfect peace. The house was quiet except for the occasional pop of the wooden floorboards from the house 'settling' or contracting as they cooled after expanding during the heat of the day.

_What time is it?_, she wondered, hesitantly opening her eyes.

Darkness filled her room which gave her no hint as to the time. Rolling over, she glanced at her clock which showed her in red numbers the time was two thirty one.

"Oh, not again," she mumbled.

The witching hour again. She would rather not have another salacious dream about the man across the hall. Things between them were far too tense and awkward afterward. She might as well get up. She needed water anyway to stave off a hangover. Her head throbbed a little and her throat felt like she had swallowed sand. Dehydration would cause her to have an awful hangover if she did not take care of it now.

She drank two glasses of water standing at the sink in the kitchen then took the third to the living room to search for a movie. After choosing one, she popped it into the game system the guys had left sitting on the floor in the middle of the room.

Halfway through the movie, about three thirty, Subaru ambled into the living room to join her.

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry," she apologized before receiving an answer.

"No. Another dream. It wasn't too bad. Just enough to wake me up and leave me terribly unsettled," he said, sitting down beside her.

Millie studied his face which looked drawn and pale. He appeared more than unsettled. He wasn't wearing a shirt, only a pair of loose gray sweat shorts she had bought him for the purpose of sleeping in them. Goosebumps appeared across his chest, and he rubbed his hands up and down his arms.

Pulling the blanket from the back of the couch, she spread it over him. She leaned against him, placing her head on his shoulder and putting her arm across his chest but over the blanket.

"Does that feel better?" she asked, giving him a sideways hug.

"Almost," he said, pushing her arm away.

"What - "

Subaru put his arm around her waist pulling her close as he covered them both with the blanket. Her head rested in the middle of his chest, her cheek pressed against his bare skin, and his arm hooked around her torso to hold her securely. Cuddled together under the blanket, he seemed content.

"Now I feel better," he murmured, burrowing his nose into her hair. "You smell so good. Orange and cardamom. Clean, fresh...but warm...and spicy."

"Hmmm," she hummed. "You really have a way with words."

"I'm beginning to think I have always had the gift of gab...being able to run my mouth and bullshit my way through anything."

Millie giggled despite her best efforts not to. He had made the statement so sincerely, sounding slightly disappointed in himself as she said it.

"So are you just bullshitting me?" she teased him.

"You?" He tipped her chin up with a forefinger under it. "Never. I believe you would see straight through it. Besides, I would never want to lie to you or hurt you."

"Sometimes people do things they don't mean and hurt the ones they love." Her eyes avoided making contact with his.

"Is that why you're afraid?"

Millie took his hand away from her chin so she could lay her head back down on his chest.

"That's part of it. There's so much more. I don't know where to begin so I won't."

"I wouldn't ask you to talk about it when it hurts you. I'm sorry your ex-husband hurt you so terribly."

Her body went rigid in his arms. He feared she would pull away from him which made him immediately regret his words.

"It's not your responsibility to apologize for him. You shouldn't do something he has never been able to do himself," she said.

"I was just thinking if I did, that might heal your heart a little," he explained, hugging her close to him.

"That's very sweet. But right now, I want you to concentrate on your own healing. Both physical and mental."

Subaru did not say anything in return. He continued to hold her securely in his arms until her body relaxed. Rather than focusing on the images on the TV, he closed his eyes and listened to her breathing. Soon her breathing grew deep and slow because she had fallen asleep in his arms.

Her chest rose and fell evenly, her breasts brushing against his side with each inhale. Despite the enticing light touch across his sensitive ribs, his mind did stray to sexual matters. All he could think about was helping her, taking care of her. He wanted to make her life better instead of being a burden to her, although she had never made him feel like a burden. She gave everything but asked for nothing in return. He didn't understand how she could call herself selfish.

He buried his nose in her hair once more to inhale her enticing scent. She whimpered and writhed in his arms when he squeezed her in his already tight embrace.

"I'll take care of you. I'll protect you from anything or anyone who tries to hurt you. I swear it."


	6. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

"No! No! No! NOOOOOOO!"

Subaru's terror filled screaming woke her out of a deep, restful sleep. Confused, not sure what had awakened her, Millie sat straight up in the bed. He screamed again instantly thrusting her into panic mode.

"Please, don't!" he shouted.

The distress in his voice set off an alarm in her head. Launching herself out of her bed an onto her feet, she ran for the door. Although her eyes had not yet adjusted to the blinding darkness, her hand found the brass knob and jerked open the door. However, still a bit disoriented from her frightening wake up call, she miscalculated the placement of the jamb and rammed her face into the moulding. Her nose smacked the wood with a hollow thud sending a shooting pain through her entire face and head.

Millie shrieked in pain. Not sure if he was responding to her cry of agony or his night terror, Subaru yelled out again at the top of his lungs. Her mind was in chaos from the pain in her face and the racket between the two of them hollering.

Stumbling out into the hallway, she fell against his door. She could hear him thumping around in the room. It sounded as if he was crawling around on the floor. There was a bump, a screech like heavy furniture sliding across the planks then the crash and shatter of breaking glass.

Her fingers scratched at the door, searching for the knob. It was too damn dark out here in the middle of nowhere on a new moon night. Her hand finally hit the knob, and she seized it to turn it and enter the room. Although it was going to blind them both and possibly scare him even worse, she flipped the switch by the door to turn on the overhead fixture attached to the ceiling fan.

Subaru was on the floor on all fours, crouched down with his forehead touching the floor like he was kowtowing to someone. His entire body shook as if he were freezing to death in the face down position of submission. There was a trail of blood on the floor ending at his knees. The rivulet of blood appeared to begin at largest shards of broken glass from the lamp he had knocked off of the table. Apparently he had crawled through the glass, cutting his knees.

"Oh, god," Millie gasped, going to him.

Before she could touch him, he began speaking, his voice thick from tears and quivering with extreme fear.

"Please, please, don't hurt her," he begged, a sob making his voice and body shudder. "Please, don't kill her. Take me instead. I'm the one you want. Please don't kill her. I...I l-love her."

_He must be having another nightmare about Rem_, she thought, her heart sinking in her chest. Although it made no sense at all, hearing him declare his love for Rem, to beg for her life, and offer his in exchange, pricked at Millie's heart. It hurt so much she forgot about her throbbing nose. There was no reason for it to hurt so much.

"Subaru," she called to him a low, gentle voice. "Subaru, it's me. You have to wake up."

Millie cautiously approached him like someone nears an injured wild animal. At the moment, he was just as unpredictable considering he might still be asleep and caught in the throes of the flashback. She lowered herself to her knees, careful to avoid the millions of tiny shards of glass scattered around on the floor and glittering like diamonds.

"Subaru," she said, placing her hand on his back.

He did not startle in response to her touch. She could hear him mumbling fervently as if praying, speaking rapidly and so low she could not understand the words.

"Wake up, honey," she gently cajoled him, rubbing his bare back slick with sweat - a cold sweat brought on by his excessive fear.

"Please, I love her. Don't take her away from me. I can't..." His voice trailed off completely, dissolving into weeping and panting. "I can't lose the woman I love. Not her. Don't take her. Kill me. For the love of everything in this damn world, please not her."

"Subaru, please," she implored him, tears stinging her eyes. "Please, honey, wake up."

Subaru slowly sat up to a kneeling position. He glanced around, baffled by his surroundings and bewildered by the discomfort in his knees. His dull, bleary brown eyes rested on her face. Gradually, recognition filtered into his muddled mind and his eyes cleared to their normal, warm golden brown.

Millie cried out in surprise when he leaned forward, burying his face between her braless breasts and wrapping his arms around her waist. She stroked his head as he cried, loud wails that left him hiccuping and gulping air into his lungs. The sweat and tears from his face soaked the front of her blue t-shirt she was wearing with her blue and green plaid pajama shorts.

"Oh, god, Millie," he gasped, sitting up straight. "Ow! My knees."

"We need to get you out of that mess," she said, rising to her feet while remaining mindful of the glass. "Uhm..." She needed the broom and dustpan. "I know this is weird, but don't move."

Millie ran to the hallway, retrieved the necessary items for clean up out of the closet there, and ran back to his room. She began sweeping at the door not wanting to miss a single minuscule piece of the glass.

"Are you all right?" she asked him while sweeping. All she wanted to do was hold him, embrace him, and assure him everything was fine.

"I suppose," he sighed, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. He released the breath in a noisy gush of air through his mouth. "While I'm stuck here, will you hand me my notebook? I want to write this down. I need to discuss this nightmare with the doctor later."

Millie kept sweeping, creating a path for herself to the bedside table to get his notebook and pen out of the drawer. She took it out and handed it to him so he could begin writing.

"I don't know what triggered this," he said, his agitation lacing his words. "We had a good day yesterday. Just a normal day."

"A blissfully quiet and relaxing Sunday," she agreed, bending down to sweep the glass up into the plastic dustpan. "Maybe you're dreading your first visit with Dr. Burns today?"

"Maybe," he muttered, concentrating on committing his thoughts to paper. "I don't know."

He sighed in exasperation, looking up from the book. His intense gaze landed on her drawing her eyes to his.

"I get tired of not knowing," he said, tears filling his big brown eyes.

"I know," Millie murmured, giving him comforting smile.

Looking down at the floor to continue sweeping, something warm trickled from her nose down to her upper lip. As an automatic reaction, she reached up to wipe it away, mortified that snot was running out of her nose. When she pulled her hand back, a red smear covered the back.

"Oh, god," she gasped, carefully placing the broom and glass filled dustpan by the door.

"What - oh, my god, you're bleeding!" he exclaimed, throwing the notebook over onto the bed.

Forgetting about the glass jammed into his knees, Subaru jumped to his feet to go to her. Bloody streaks ran down his shins from the multiple cuts on his knees.

"Well, damn...what do we do now?" he asked.

"Go to the bathroom. We need to get cleaned up, and I need to check your legs for glass," she said, pointing to the bathroom behind him.

Millie reached into the cabinet to pull out towels, then opened a drawer to find tweezers. She held one of the towels to her nose and handed the other one to him.

"Sit down on the side of the tub," she kindly ordered him.

Kneeling down in front of him, she began the painstaking task of searching for small bits glass among the bloody splotches coating his skin. Juggling the towel and the tweezers to reach the close by but not close enough trash can was awkward and irritating.

"Here," he said, taking the towel out of her hand to hold it to her bloody nose. "Let me help."

"Thanks," she returned, avoiding looking at his face as embarrassment from the weird situation reddened her face. "This shouldn't take much longer. Take your shower and I'll finish cleaning up the mess out there along with the mess on my face."

"Okay," he agreed, smiling broadly at her. "Are you sure you don't want to take a shower with me?"

"That is a tempting offer," she confessed. "But no, I have to finish cleaning. Then we have to get ready to go to your appointment."

~\\..'../~

* * *

"So, Subaru, how are you feeling?" asked the older gentleman sitting in the chair caddy corner to the chair he sat in.

_'I'm not crazy,'_ he wanted to say, but refrained.

"I'm fine. I've been having a lot of bad dreams," he confessed. Most he had been able to hide from Millie.

"Well, that's to be expected after a traumatic incident," the man named Dr. Burns stated in a tranquil voice.

The psychiatrist did not have a notepad or a recorder.

"Don't you need to be writing things down or something?" Subaru questioned him.

"No. We're just talking. I'm more interested in allowing you to get out your thoughts, to determine where you are at the moment with your amnesia. All we need to do is just discuss things candidly, truthfully, so I can decide how to proceed with your treatment," Dr. Burns explained, leaning back in his chair as if to get more comfortable.

"I brought a journal. I've been writing down everything I can remember," he said, placing the composition book on the coffee table in front of him. The pages were already mostly full. He had included rough sketches of some of the things he saw in his dreams. Only a few blank pages remained.

"How much have you remembered from your past?"

"Not a lot really. Bits and pieces. Images that don't make sense. Mostly short snippets of bad events that I would rather not remember."

"Do you think you're blocking your past?"

"Maybe. Maybe my brain knows better than I do that I shouldn't remember my past. What if I was a bad person? A thief? A murderer?"

"Are you saying you'd rather not recall anything about your past?" Dr. Burns questioned him, leaning forward with interest.

Subaru thought for a minute. What good would it do him to remember what kind of person he was? To recall the frightening and horrifying events in their entirety that he had only seen glimpses of in his nightmares? What if...what if the woman named Rem was dead? What if he killed her?

"Y-yeah," he stammered. "I believe I'd rather not recall my past. At this time, I'd rather concentrate on looking forward to a future. What can I hope to gain by remembering? All I have is the present and future anyway, right?"

The kindly gray haired man wearing a half glasses and a tweed jacket, looking exactly like a psychiatrist should, shrugged. Not exactly a decisive doctor thing to do. But it appeared he took a definitely different approach to his vocation.

"If that's what you want to do, that's what we'll concentrate on. What is bothering you today? I can tell you are unsettled, upset," Dr. Burns stated in a way that made Subaru believe he was sincerely concerned.

Millie had told him Dr. Burns was not only a really good doctor but also a genuinely good man. She had worked with him for a few months on a psych rotation during her time as a nurse.

"Doc, I want to discuss the dream I had this morning," Subaru announced.

"Was it a memory from the past?" Dr. Burns inquired.

"No, not really."

"Not really?"

"Well, there was this monster. For some reason, I remember a lot of these bizarre, impossible monsters as if they were real. I didn't see a lot of the creature. I mostly saw a shadow but it had a snout and hooves like a pig. There was a big, shiny star on its chest were its heart would be," Subaru said, giving as much detail as possible.

"Perhaps these monsters are simply manifestations of your own fears. Giving them a physical form makes them easier to deal with. Hmmmm," the doctor hummed pensively, considering the symbolism.

_A pig huh? How much does Subaru know about Hal_, he wondered. The monster could very well represent Hal considering he is a police officer and is often called the demeaning name of pig. The star could represent his badge.

"What was the creature doing?" Dr. Burns questioned him.

Subaru audibly gulped, his eyes widening. His prominent Adam's apple bobbed up and down during a few subsequent swallows as if there was something stuck in his throat.

"He was killing Millie," he answered, his voice barely above a whisper. "He was choking her. She was dying right in front of me, and there was nothing I could do to save her."

"Hmmm..." the doctor hummed again.

Unfortunately, that definitely sounded like Hal. The man laid hands on Millie only once and that was one time too many. He did so after he found out she miscarried their second child. That incident was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

Millie kicked him out that very night and filed for divorce the next day. Good for her. Dr. Burns was glad she had the good sense to not let the abuse go any further, not accepting his many apologies and empty promises that he would never do it again. It was excessively cruel of Hal to blame her for the miscarriage when she was already blaming herself especially after losing one already.

"Doc?" Subaru said, waiting for the man to look at him. "I think I love her. No...I know I love her. I don't want anything bad to happen to her...ever."

To say the psychiatrist was gobsmacked by the man's confession of love about covered it. He was not surprised the man fell in love with her. He was not the first patient to do so. However, this could pose problems for his recovery. Yet at the same time, as a man, a friend to Millie, to wanted to cheer the man on and encourage the relationship.

Subaru Natsuki seemed nice enough. He was kind and respectful to Millie. He did not seem to be the type to be a murderer - but then again a lot of convicted murderers did not seem to be the type either. Many were soft spoken, kind, charming even. But this guy seemed to be all out there, open with his thoughts and intentions. He had just confessed his love for Millie after all.

"Subaru, I've got to be honest with you," the doctor sighed, tenting his fingers under his chin. "I believe you are experiencing the reverse of the Florence Nightingale Effect, where a patient falls in love with the caregiver. It's also called transference. You're most likely shifting your feelings from a woman you previously loved onto Millie."

"Are you telling me my feelings aren't real? That I'm falling in love with her because I can't be with the woman from my past?" he asked for clarification.

"Yes. That's exactly it. I also find this troubling because at the moment you are being kept in a confined environment with little to no contact with the outside world."

"You make it sound like Millie is holding me against my will. That's not it at all. She's not holding me prisoner. She's helping me. She's the only one who can."

"I understand. That's not what I mean at all. I simply mean your world is incredibly small right now and revolves mainly around her. It's natural you would develop those feelings for her."

"But - but...there's more to it than that. Doc, you know her," Subaru stated pointedly, looking directly at the doctor's face. "You know how kind and sweet she is. She has a good heart. She would never hurt me...in any way. She's too good of a nurse, too good of a person, for that."

"I agree. It's unthinkable. There again, I'm not saying anything like that. I'm just warning you, as soon as you get back out into the world...go back to Japan, get a job, meet another woman...whatever you do...those feelings might vanish. Honestly, I'm more concerned about you breaking her heart than the other way around," Dr. Burns admitted, putting his professionalism aside for a minute.

"I would never - "

"You say that," he interrupted. "But how do you know you wouldn't break her heart? Unintentionally I'm sure, but it could happen. There's too much you still don't know about yourself, your past. That's why the past is important."

Subaru could not argue. This visit had taken an unexpected and unsettling turn.

~\\..'../~

* * *

Millie had gone downstairs to get a drink from the machine. The appointment over ran its allotted time slot of an hour which made her nervous. She fed a dollar bill into the slot only to have the machine spit it back out at her.

"Seriously? But it's a brand new one," she muttered, taking it out and straightening the already crisp corners.

"Here," offered a helpful good Samaritan, dropping coins into the machine. He punched the button for her favorite drink without asking what she wanted.

"Thank - " Her words died on her tongue when she turned to see Hal standing beside her.

"No problem," he said, giving her one of his patent thousand watt smiles that used to melt her heart. "How are things going?"

"Things are great. Same old, same old. A farm is lots of work. I stay busy," she mumbled, avoiding looking at him.

Millie shifted from foot to foot, wanting to run away as fast as she could. She opened the drink and took a sip to avoid having to talk.

"How's your patient?" he asked. He just could not help himself.

"Well, thank you for the drink. I'll be going," she announced, turning her back to him to walk away - quickly.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, seizing her by her upper arm.

Millie immediately jerked her arm free of his grip that was non threatening at the moment. She whirled around to glare at him. Just her normal reaction to him after everything he had done.

"What do you want, Hal?" she demanded, glaring hotly at him. So much that he actually shrank away from her, taking a step back and lowering his eyes to the floor.

"I went through that guy's phone," he said, scratching the back of his neck self-consciously.

"Oh, so you did have it," she replied in an accusatory tone.

"There's some weird shit on there, Millie. Some of the craziest fucking stuff I've ever," he said, receiving no response from her whether in facial expression or word. "I don't know where he's been or what he's into, but I'm afraid for you."

"Awww, how thoughtful, Hal," she cooed in a mocking tone. "If only you would have considered my well being this much while we were together. We might still be married. But maybe, in the end, you did me a favor."

"Millie, I - "

"Look, Hal, when you've made some real progress on discovering who he is or where he came from, let me know. Until then, why don't you just kindly fu-"

"Millie? Are you okay?" Subaru asked from behind her.

Millie pivoted on her toes toward him after hearing his voice. Relief flooded her system making her feel tired as the adrenaline rush from her fight or flight response from Hal subsided. She had been willing to do either one or both. Run from him and if he caught her, she would have pummeled him as hard she could right there in the middle of the hospital lobby.

"I'm fine," she answered, smiling at Subaru.

Dr. Burns stood beside him which concerned her. The doctor held the notebook in his hands bringing her to the conclusion the journal was staying with him. That made sense actually. Besides, there were several more at the house Subaru could use.

"Let's go home," Subaru suggested, casting a passing glimpse at Hal behind her.

The man bristled in an obvious manner, raising his shoulders up to his ears, cringing, while his face collapsed into an expression of disgust. That man was taking the woman who was once his wife to the house that used to be their home.

"Yes, please. I'm done here anyway," Millie said with a note of stinging finality.

Subaru took her by the hand, leading her out of the hospital while the other two men watched.

"Hey Doc," Hal began,"don't you think that's unhealthy? Shouldn't you do something about that?"

"Jesus, Hal!" Dr. Burns exclaimed, mortified by the gall of that man. He really was a pig. "What the hell do you expect me to do?"

"It's just not right, Doc. We need to - "

"Look Hal Castleberry, you need to keep your nose out of their business. She is no longer your concern. Both of them are adults of consenting age. I know that's what you're worried about," he added pointedly, shoving the notebook under his arm securely should the cop make a grab for it.

He wouldn't put anything past Hal Castleberry at this point. The man had balls. Big, brass ones. If he kept this shit up, he might get kicked so hard every time he clears his throat he will scratch his balls at the same time.

"Heaven forbid she might have sex with someone else, although it's all well and good for you, Studley. Even though it's none of your business, things aren't like that between them so let her be." The doctor took a breath to continue. "If you had any brains at all, you would know you should be worried about that girl going on with her life and being happy without you."

The doctor paused again, shifting the notebook and straightening his glasses. He was about to step outside of his realm and speak as a friend rather than a professional psychiatrist.

"As a matter of fact, I think she's been happy without you for quite a while...even before that man came along. The only thing that young man is giving her is a well deserved second chance at love. Now, with that being said, get the hell out of this hospital, Hal. Don't you have some kind of tail to be chasing whether it be the taillights on a car or a woman?"

Hal stood gaping at Dr. Burns after the man walked away from him with those shocking last words hanging heavily in the air.

"Un-freaking-believable," he muttered.

Meanwhile, Subaru and Millie were getting into her truck to leave.

"Aren't you going to ask me what the doctor said?" Subaru asked her once he was able to climb into the truck. Good thing his ribs no longer bothered him.

"No. That's just between you and Doc. It's none of my business," she said, although she did indeed want to know.

"That's true," he agreed, fastening his seat belt.

"Want to go to the diner for lunch?" she asked, busying herself with her seat belt buckle to hide her disappointment. She was hoping he would tell her anyway, but she understood that it truly was a confidential matter between doctor and patient.

"Sounds good," he replied.

Subaru would actually rather go back to the little house with the picket fence and have a quiet lunch with her. After what Dr. Burns said, he wanted to be exposed to as many new people and new experiences as possible. Impatient to test the doctor's theory about his affections being born of his isolation and dependence on her, he was willing to do anything, meet anyone, to prove him wrong.

He wanted to know for sure if his feelings for her were genuine. It would be heartless of him to continue down this relationship road until she fell in love with him in return only to discover he never actually loved her at all. He needed to know, for her sake and his.

At the restaurant, the pretty and flirty brunette waitress in her early twenties and full to the brim with Southern Hospitality particularly when flinging her charms Subaru.

Millie seemed unconcerned about the overt flirtations. While they waited for their food, she sipped her soda through a straw, staring off into space, lost in her own thoughts.

Subaru did not return the innuendo laced words with the cute girl who batted her eyes at him and touched his shoulder or hand while asking him if he needed anything. This was definitely not something he was accustomed to. He would be a liar if he said he did not enjoy her attention.

Thankfully, he did not have to say anything all because Millie did not speak to him due to being caught up in her head. He was actually preoccupied by the obviously distracted woman on whom he wanted to focus his attention. How could it not be love when he was more concerned about what was going on inside her head rather than responding to the not so subtle advances of the waitresses?

The girl obviously knew he and Millie were not attached in a romantic relationship so she did her best to garner his attention. Maybe he was on his best behavior because he knew this was test. He was no longer sure. Why do relationships have to so complicated? Why can't people just fall in love, and everything be all right?

"Subaru?" Millie called to him.

"Huh?" he mumbled, confused as if he was awakening out of deep sleep.

"Is there something wrong with your food?"

She pointed at his blue plate special that had not been touched. Heaping portions of chopped steaks and gravy over mashed potatoes with a side of green beans and corn. A good old-fashioned slice of Southern diner cooking at its best served on an actual blue melamine plate.

"Oh, let me try it," he murmured, stabbing the tenderized steak that cut easily with the edge of his fork after slow cooking in rich brown gravy for hours. "It looks delicious."

The meat practically melted on his tongue along with the smooth potatoes. He was sure he had never tasted had anything like this before. Millie kept the meals at the house light and easy on the palate and belly. This food was a mixture of thick, heavy, crunchy, overly salty, a little bit sweet...a myriad of flavors and textures.

"Oh, my god, this is amazing," he mumbled happily around a mouthful of food.

"Need anythin' else, sugah?" the brunette asked in her delightful accent that was much thicker than Millie's.

"No, thank you," he said, shoving another forkful of the sweet corn into his mouth.

"I need a refill," Millie said, shaking her cup at the waitress that was about to walk away with asking her a thing.

"Be right back," the woman returned in a sarcastic tone, snatching the cup out of her hand.

"Wow...unbelievable," she muttered. "Well, it's official. I'm invisible. She really seems to like you though."

"Huh? I didn't notice," he remarked without a hint of honesty.

He had noticed. He just didn't care because she didn't interest him. Which surprised even him for some reason. Perhaps he had been a Lothario, hitting on all the girls in his past life. Subaru hoped not. He did not want to be anything like her ex-husband.

After lunch, they returned to the house. Although disappointed over his failed, self-imposed experiment, he was glad Millie remained blissfully unaware of his covert intentions.

"I'm going to get ready to tend to the animals," she announced, turning toward her room.

"Why don't you let me do it? You should rest. You look really tired. Not that you look bad," he quickly added, afraid he might have offended her when she looked back him and tears were swimming in her bright green eyes. "What - "

"It's fine. You're right. I think I need a nap. Thank you," she said, embracing him briefly before going to her room.

Subaru stood in the hall, alone, grinning like an idiot. He could not stop either. She had hugged him of her own free will. Not to comfort him because he had a nightmare, not returning an embrace he initiated, but on her own because she wanted to hug him. That had to be a good sign.


	7. A Different Level

Author's Note: Just a little warning, and I hate to blow the surprise, but for those of you that don't like that sort of thing, there's a sex scene at the end of this chapter. I apologize for the inordinate length of time between updates. Please enjoy the new chapter.

* * *

Subaru awakened to the delicious smell of bacon. He had slept like a rock last night, never moving a muscle from the position in which he had first laid down. No dreams had disturbed his sleep. No voices from the past called out to him.

He tried to remember how long he had been here. One day spilled into the next. Weeks passed. He was not sure how many months had gone by. Two or three? Had it been four already? If not for the rising and setting of the sun marking the passage of days, he would swear there was no difference.

Although every day was pretty much the same, he did not mind. He liked working side by side with her on the little farm. He liked their little routines. There were doctor's appointments and trips to the general store, always on the same days. The occasional lunch or dinner out was even scheduled.

On rare occasions Millie did something out of the ordinary, beyond the routine. She took him shopping at the mall once in a spur of the moment decision after a therapy appointment. There was one impromptu night out to see a movie at the theater. And not just any theater, a _drive in_ theater.

_A real, honest to God, drive in theater,_ she had said. Apparently it was a big deal. They had even traveled hours to another place to get there.

The big deal to him was having her in his arms as they sat cuddled together on the passenger's side of her pick up truck. She fed him popcorn and made fun of the terrible B movies they watched. It was a double feature of perfectly awful monster movies from the 1950s which gave him three hours to hold her close, affording him the rare opportunity at tense points to scare her and make her jump into his lap. They both laughed. A lot.

Stretching and yawning, he rolled to the edge of the bed. Swinging his feet over first, he sat up when the soles touched the floor. He raised his arms above his head, stretching again. His muscles were a little tight, only vaguely sore from his hard work yesterday.

All the physical labor and being around the animals had been marvelously therapeutic. Perhaps he should take over the outside chores, giving her more time to devote to less strenuous endeavors like cooking and getting together the eggs and milk for the market. She would have enough free time to indulge in a few hobbies. Would she think he was a chauvinistic prick for making the suggestion?

He grunted, having no clue how to broach the topic without sounding like a complete sexist ass. Millie was a fiercely independent woman, accustomed to doing everything on her own. She did not trust men and with reasons he understood after learning a few things about her ex-husband. Her willingness to finally accept his help at all surprised him.

The tapping on his door caught his attention, breaking him free of his present quandary that had no easy solution. Without putting on a shirt, he went to his bedroom door. So far she had not had any complaints about him not wearing a shirt around the house.

"Good morning," he greeted her cheerily after opening the door.

"Good morning," she chirped happily.

Subaru smiled at her. He had not heard her sound this bubbly and exuberant since he met her. A pleasant, genuine smile stretched her lips so far that he could see her teeth. She was dressed in her short, denim shorts and an eye popping yellow shirt the color of the sun that matched her bright and sunny personality this morning.

"Are you hungry?" she asked, flinging the dish towel she held in her hands over her shoulder.

"Is the sky blue?" he rejoined, responding to her lighthearted mood.

"I made scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits, grits - "

"Grit?" he asked, befuddled and a little disgusted. "What is that? It doesn't sound good."

"Grits. Plural," she corrected him. "That's very important. They're actually very good. It's ground corn that's boiled in salted water. When they're thickened, a lot of butter is added. It's delicious."

"So it's like a gruel?" he questioned.

"Ew, that really doesn't sound yummy," she remarked, her face twisted in repulsion. "Just try them. I think you'll like them. It's a Southern thing."

"I like Southern things," he said, capturing her gaze.

The pretty pink coloration that sprang to her cheeks made her eyes sparkle like emeralds.

"You're so beautiful," he complimented her before he could stop the words from coming out of her mouth making them both blush a dark red.

"Thank you. Let's eat before it gets cold," she said, turning around to lead him to the kitchen.

As they walked down the hall, his eyes traveled down her back. The shirt, although not exactly form fitting, did curve in at her small waist and out at her denim clad hips. The bottom of the shorts clung to the round contours of her behind, the pockets further accentuating its roundness. Oh, she was so incredibly lovely.

"Have you done the morning chores yet?" he asked as they walked to kitchen.

He really needed the physical exertion to relieve a problem he had created for himself with his wandering eyes.

"No, not yet. I wanted to cook breakfast for you to thank for you yesterday," she said as they sat down at the table already laid with the food.

"Why don't I do them again today? Just me," he added when she appeared a bit confused. "I'll bring in the milk and eggs. You can prepare them to be taken to the General Store, then we can go into town. Do you have any hobbies?"

"Why do you ask?" She stared at him, her eyes narrowing skeptically.

"I was thinking, and please don't be offended, if I started helping out more around here, you would have a little bit more time to do things for yourself. To rest and relax. Maybe have a hobby or two. What do you like to do?"

Millie stayed silent, considering his question. Her face twisted as she continued to think, straining to find an answer.

This was going better than he thought. He was actually tackling the subject without offending her. For once, without having some elaborate plan or scheme ahead of time, he was accomplishing a tough task.

"Huh," she muttered, her eyebrows drawing together.

"What's wrong?" he asked, growing uneasy and wondering if she was angry after all.

"I don't know what I like to do. It's been so long since I've been able to have a hobby, I don't know what I would do," she confessed.

Subaru exhaled a sigh of relief. She was not angry or offended. She was actually going to allow him to help to her, to show how much he cared about her. Relieved, happy, maybe even excited about the prospect, he dove into his breakfast. There were plenty of chores waiting to be done.

~\\..'../~

* * *

A hobby and a new side business presented itself after Corinne from the General Store asked Millie to bring home and can an overstock of vegetables from the local farmers and avid home gardeners. Every few days she returned to the store to deliver crates of Mason jars filled to the brim with tomatoes, okra, corn, yellow squash, and other vegetables. They would be eaten during the winter months when those veggies were no longer available fresh from the garden. Corey kept her busy with an unending supply of vegetables since everyone was clearing out their summer gardens to make way for the autumn growing season.

Subaru entered the house well after five hot, tired, feeling a little bit sick, and more than ready for a shower. This day was far different than any he had experienced so far on the farm, and he was glad the most difficult part had ended.

The local veterinarian had brought over his prize bull to breed with Muffin and Chip. The ordeal had taken hours and was unexpectedly emotionally trying. Millie had warned him the event would be a bit violent. She told him she never could watch the breeding process because it looked like her cows were being hurt. When she told him these things, he thought she was being oversensitive and dramatic. She was not.

The sickening stench of hot vinegar hit his nose increasing his nausea and causing him to gag.

"Ugh," he groaned, covering his nose with his hand in an effort to block out the terrible smell. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying my hand at pickling," Millie answered, pouring the hot vinegar over the small cucumbers and whole pieces of okra packed into the jars. "I know it smells awful. Sorry about that. There's a glass of ice water in the fridge for you. There's also chilled white wine if you want it."

"Thanks," he murmured, lowering his hand from his nose as he opened the refrigerator door. "I think I'll take that glass of wine after my shower. Will you join me for a drink later?"

"Probably," she returned. "How did the breeding go?"

"Oh, it went," he muttered, scrubbing his hands over his face wishing some things that were seen could be unseen. He drained the glass of cold water and refilled it.

"Well, hopefully in nine months we will have two little calves running around, and the girls will be producing more milk. I hope we get one of each, a boy and a girl. Doc Mitchell can have the boy and maybe another prize bull," she said as if talking to herself.

"I'm going to take a shower. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"In the meantime, I'll open the windows and turn on some fans to get rid of the smell."

When Subaru returned, the kitchen was as hot as outside due to the heat flowing in through the open windows. At least the odor of vinegar had dissipated. He watched Millie as she screwed on the lids. Her lightly tanned face was flushed from the heat, sweat trickling down her freckled pink cheeks. Her green eyes were focused intently on the jars as she used her strong hands to tighten the lids, grunting lightly with extra effort.

He could not help but think she looked so cute with the red and white bandanna wrapped around her head keeping her long curly hair off of her neck. She wore a loose orange sundress held over her shoulders by thin straps. Over her dress she wore a yellow bib apron. She looked like a pretty summer sunset in those colors.

Walking around the counter to stand behind her, he saw that she was in her bare feet which is what she preferred. The only time she wore shoes was if she came out to help him or when they went into town.

Subaru twisted the single loose copper colored curl hanging down the back of her neck around his finger. She continued to ignore him, intent on getting the jars closed and sealed before they could cool off. His eyes skirted over the expanse of sun kissed skin exposed by the dress. Dozens upon dozens of freckles ranging in color from light brown sugar to shades of dark chocolate dotted the nape of her neck, her shoulders, and her back down below her shoulder blades.

Her smooth rounded shoulder blades moved under skin as she worked, inviting him to touch her. His fingers drifted across her heated skin, relishing she softness of it under the pads of his fingertips.

"Subaru? What are you doing?" she asked, shivering lightly as goosebumps raised under his soft touch.

"Just looking. And touching," he added, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Mmmm," she sighed, ceasing her movements as his hand skimmed the length of her arm. "Yes, you are. You're distracting me."

"Sorry not sorry," he said, placing a kiss on the back of her neck.

Millie grunted, flattening her palms on the counter as if to hold herself up. Subaru thoroughly enjoyed catching her off guard.

"What are you doing?" she repeated, her voice a breathy sigh.

"What does it feel like I'm doing?" he questioned her in return, his fingers sliding under the strap of her dress and pushing it over her shoulder.

"You're being awfully bold," she stated, inhaling sharply when his lips contacted her shoulder.

"Is that wrong?"

"No, but..." She turned to face him.

"But what?" He placed his hands on either side of her face, tilting her chin upward with his thumbs.

"I'm sweaty and gross."

"You're gorgeous," he complimented her, kissing her lips briefly. He licked his lips afterward, tasting the salt from her skin. "I rather like that salty taste. It fits your personality."

She laughed loudly, pushing him away. "Big jerk."

Millie took two wine glasses down from the cabinet. She poured them each a glass, handing him his.

"Want to watch the sunset with me?" he asked as she took a sip of the lightly sweet wine.

"Let me take a quick shower, and I'll join you on the back porch," she said, taking her wine with her to her room.

In the meantime, Subaru adjusted the wooden deck chairs on the uncovered back porch. On a small folding table between them, he placed a bowl filled with ice to keep the bottle of white wine cool while they watched the sunset together. Sitting down in the chair, he blankly stared across the open field behind the house at the faded blue sky beginning to turn shades of ochre and orange.

A smile tugged up the corners of his mouth. He found himself smiling for no real reason - which he often did these days. The two of them had created a nice little life together. Happiness had found him. He hoped he made her happy too.

"Oh, this is a nice surprise!" Millie exclaimed, walking out onto the porch with her empty glass in hand.

Millie had put on another shapeless but comfortable summer dress in a shade of crimson that matched the late summer setting sun. Subaru stood up, taking the glass from her to refill it. After she sat down, he gave the full glass to her. For several minutes, they drank in silence both mulling over their own thoughts.

"Subaru?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you happy? With me?" she asked, turning the stem of her glass between her fingers.

"I am. Very much so. Do I make you happy?" he questioned her in return.

"You do. But - "

God, he hated it when she said 'but.' He sighed dejectedly, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. His head hung down as he waited to hear her exception, her reason for not being completely happy with him. Suddenly her bare feet and the ruffled bottom of her dress appeared in his vision when she came to stand in front of him. He sat up straight as she sank down onto her knees on the wooden planks of the porch between his feet.

His eyes met hers as she knelt in front of him, her hand extended to cup his cheek. He could not read the expression in her eyes because there was such a mixed up myriad of emotions there. Her face betrayed no emotions either to give him a clue as she what she was feeling.

"What's wrong?" Subaru asked her, his stomach turning somersaults.

"Nothing. There's something I want to tell you. It's difficult so bear with me," she requested, gulping audibly.

_Oh, god. This is it. She's about to tell me to leave. She's bought me a one way ticket back to Japan,_ he thought, his palms dampening as his anxiety rose.

Millie leaned forward, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. Her lips brushed across his cheek on the way to his ear.

"I love you, Subaru," she whispered.

He would swear his heart stopped beating after hearing those words - the ones he had wanted to hear so desperately for so long. However, the sound of each booming beat reverberated in his ears letting him know with no doubt that not only was his heart still beating, it was loud and fast.

"What?" he inquired in disbelief.

"I love you, Subaru Natsuki," she repeated, using his last name as if to emphasize she was indeed speaking to him.

Subaru put his arms around her shoulders, pulling her into his chest. He kissed her forehead, her cheek, her temple, any part of her face he could reach as he held her so close her face pressed into his neck.

"You know I love you, Millie. With all of my heart," he whispered, tears filling his eyes and streaming down his cheeks. "You've made me even happier than I thought possible."

Her mouth found his, her lips crushing themselves against his lips. She kissed him rough and hard, passionately, not holding anything back. Her tongue was cool and flavored by the wine as it pushed between his parted lips to explore his mouth. He sucked on her tongue lightly, drawing a moan from her that vibrated across his lips.

Subaru gasped, jerking his mouth away from hers when her hands slid under his shirt. He stared at her, rendered mute by her shocking brazenness as her fingers unbuttoned his jeans.

"What are you doing?" he asked her, sliding his fingers through her still damp curls.

"What do you think I'm doing?" she questioned him, pushing down the zipper.

The scent of her lavender vanilla shampoo went straight to his head making him feel dizzy. More likely, it was her fingers moving across his abdomen, slipping under the elastic waistband of his underwear that made him feel like fainting.

"I don't...I can't...I don't know if...oh, god," he groaned when her fingers brushed the tip of his penis.

"You've had sex before haven't you? Surely at least once with - "

"Don't say that name, please," he begged, placing his hand over hers to keep her from moving any further. "We don't have to do this, you know."

"What if I want to do this? Subaru, I want to take our relationship to a different level. A more intimate level. I want to show you how much I love you. I want to be as close to as possible. Join our hearts, our minds...our bodies," she said, kissing him.

"It sounds so romantic, so wonderful, when you put it that way," he said, kissing her neck.

"It will be," she assured him, looking into his eyes.

"You're sure about this?"

"I'm sure."

Millie stood up, lifting her dress to reveal her toned thighs before she carefully straddled his lap.

"Here? Are you sure?" he asked, his hands sliding along her thighs.

"Why not?" she returned, giving him a sexy little smile made even sexier when her hair fell forward over her face.

"This isn't what I imagined." His hands pushed further up her thighs and around her hips, gripping her behind that was bare under the dress. "Oh, you are so damn sexy."

His mouth pressed to her collar bone, his tongue licking along the length of the bone under her skin.

"What did you imagine exactly?" she questioned him, enclosing his shaft with her fingers to withdraw his erection from the confines of his tight jeans.

"You in my bed. Naked. Exploring every inch of your body with my eyes, my hands, my lips..my tongue," he added, licking her neck.

"Oh, we'll have time for that later," she assured him, raising her hips to position him under her. "But for now..."

"Millie," Subaru gasped as she slid down onto him. "Aren't you worried about getting pregnant?"

"No. I started the pill last month," she informed him, sinking down onto his lap.

"So you've been planning this?"

"Uh huh. I knew we were getting close to this point so I, uh, wanted to be prepared. Subaru," she moaned, rocking her hips. "I'm not an idiot. I've loved you for a while now. I just had to be ready to admit it to myself before I could confess my feelings to you."

"I see. Mmmm, damn," he whispered as she moved slowly and gently on top of him.

Subaru grasped the strap of her dress accidentally tearing the thin piece of material as he snatched it down her arm. His shaking fingers gripped the button up front of her dress, ripping it apart and sending the small plastic buttons flying.

"I'm glad I didn't really like this dress," she giggled lightly as he pushed apart the cloth to reveal her breasts. "You're quite aggressive when you find something you want."

"I could say the same thing about you."

For a moment he studied her breasts that were tear drop shaped, a milk white color against her golden tanned skin. The areola and nipples were a light pinkish brown color. He cupped one of her breasts that fit perfectly into his hand, surprised by the weight in comparison to its size. It was heavy and full, somewhat firm but still pliable as his fingers squeezed it gently. Lifting her other breast with his hand, he lowered his mouth to lick the rigid nipple which stiffened even more after the tip of his tongue touched it.

"Subaru!" she cried out, enclosing his head with her arms and pulling his mouth tightly to her breast.

Subaru fought for control as she thrust her hips at him while he sucked her nipple. He had dreamed about making love to her so many times. At this rate, he feared he would not last long, falling short of his own fantasy. His lips broke suction from her nipple with a popping sound. He pressed a line of kisses over the swell of her breast and up her chest to her neck. Gripping the arms of the chair, he pushed up into her, meeting each of her downward strokes forcefully.

"Oh, Millie, I'm sorry," he apologized, unable to hold on any longer.

Millie cradled his head in her arms, holding his face to her neck as he climaxed. She stroked his hair while he shook in her arms, breathing heavily against her chest.

"I'm sorry," he apologized again, embracing her tightly.

"Don't worry. I'll expect you to make it up to me later," she said, lifting his chin with her finger so he would look at her face. "I'll make you do it again." She smiled down at him, kissing his lips briefly. "And again." She gave him another peck on the lips. "And again." Another quick kiss. "Until I'm satisfied. Think you can do that?"

"Oh, yes, ma'am," he promised, massaging her back lightly. "If I do something wrong, will you make me to do it over?"

"Definitely. Practice makes perfect as they say."

"I want to be perfect for you."

"Sweetheart, I believe you already are."


	8. Love and Hate

Author's Note: Sorry about the long, LONG wait between updates. I haven't given up on this story yet, and I hope you haven't either. I'm still working on it! Please enjoy the update.

Just a little warning: this chapter has love and sex along with hate and violence, in that order.

* * *

Millie stood at the stove busy preparing breakfast. Wearing nothing but his brown and tan plaid shirt, she hummed a merry tune and bounced around a little as if dancing to the music in her head. Her neck lay bare due to her hair being pulled up into a loose bun on top of her head. His barely buttoned up shirt hung off of one her shoulders revealing an expanse of her golden tanned flesh that would require many of his kisses.

Subaru thought her slender neck looked in dire need of a kiss first. The sizzle of the bacon frying in the pan would cover up the sound of his approach. Moving across the wooden planks with steps light and quick as a cat, he sidled right up behind her to press his lips to the back of her neck.

"Oh, god," she gasped nearly jumping out of her skin.

His hands on her hips kept her from escaping him. His strong, loving arms circled her waist drawing her body back into his. The tender flesh of her neck felt silky smooth under his lips. The artery there pulsated quicker and harder with each successive kiss he placed along the length of it. Despite her rapid heartbeat, she relaxed in his arms, leaning her body against his.

"Mmmmm," she groaned, reaching back with a hand to ruffle his already hopelessly mussed bedhead. "Good morning, lover."

"Good morning to you too," he returned the greeting between kisses along her shoulder.

"Hungry?" she inquired, lifting the bacon out of the pan with a fork and laying it across layers of papers towels spread on a plate to soak up the grease.

"Starving," he growled playfully.

"For food?" she giggled thinking maybe food would not satisfy his present appetite.

"Yeah that too," he replied, waiting for her to switch off the burner before turning her to face him.

Millie raised up on her tiptoes, sliding her hands up his bare chest as she rose to accept his kiss. Her arms enclosed his neck, clinging to him as he kissed her until he took her breath away.

Subaru had become extremely adept at stealing her breath, often making her breath hard and struggle for the air her lungs required. If practice makes perfect he was damn near flawless. She was not about to tell him that though. She wanted him to keep reaching, to continue reaching for the goal of being the perfect lover one orgasm at a time. His sexual ministrations awakened a monster in her. Avaricious, concupiscent, she wanted him more than she should, and he was more than willing to satisfy her greed.

His hands cupped her bare behind, lifting her up. Her arms tightened around his neck to hold her mouth to his as he moved her to sit her on top of the counter on the other side of the sink away from the hot stove. Things were hot enough already they didn't need the second or third degree burns to ruin the moment or serve as a lasting reminder of their little tryst in the kitchen.

Subaru pushed her legs apart to stand between them. The rough, savage kiss lessened in intensity, their mouths parting then meeting again for gentle pecks, one after the other. His fingers slid along the haphazardly hanging opening of the shirt until they encountered the roundness of the side of her breast. Immediately his hand cupped her breast, groping it lightly which elicited a hiss of discomfort from her.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, breaking the kiss and leaning back to look at her face.

"It's a little sore. You did bite me after all," she reminded him.

"Sorry about that," he apologized, glancing down at the red blotch on the creamy white skin just above the areola.

"At the time it felt good," she said, her eyes meeting his when they flickered upward.

His thumb caressed the set of teeth marks he had left after giving her a savage love bite during a particularly intense orgasm. Leaning down, he brushed his lips over the injured skin in another silent apology. Afterwards, he stood back up straight to capture her gaze again. Her eyes were half closed, drowsy with desire.

"I'll make it feel good again," he promised, sliding into her.

"Oh, god," she exhaled with a much different tone in her voice this time from when she said the phrase earlier.

Subaru made love to her slow and easy, holding her close to him but being careful not to crush her breasts against his chest. One of his hands gripped the back of her neck, cradling her head between his neck and shoulder. His other hand rested on her thigh, his fingers occasionally kneading the muscle there like a cat, content and happy, when the waves of pleasure vibrated through both of him.

Millie leaned back on her palms placed flat on the counter behind her. Arching her back and pushing off of her hands, she used his pubis as a fulcrum to rock her hips back and forth like a lever.

"Mmmm," he groaned in way that sounded like a growl. His fingers clamped down on her thigh and his other hand squeezed her neck lightly. "Damn that feels good."

"Yes, it does," she agreed, wrapping her legs around his waist to encourage him to move a little faster.

Her mouth dropped open to emit a strangled cry that she attempted to hold back. Taking that as a hint she was close to losing control, Subaru gave a powerful thrust of his hips. Her face tightened and puckered as if she experienced a terrible surge of pain, but it was quite the opposite in the form of intense bliss.

"Ah, that's good," he murmured when she arched her back again.

After a few short, slow strokes, he shoved himself into her with a powerful thrust of his hips. In his salacious desire to watch her as he pushed her over the edge, he almost lost it himself. His entire body shuddered, and he bit the inside of his cheek until he drew blood in order to distract himself to regain his self-control.

Subaru continued to tease her with the mixture of gentle movements followed by a single intense push into her. He studied each of the expressions that flitted across her face. A tinge of pain, her eyebrows drawn together and a deep frown on her mouth. Then pure rapture, her face relaxed, her lips parted; she virtually glowed. A tortured expression as if the thing she wanted so badly was within her grasp then slack jawed disappointment accompanied by panting as she tried to recover.

By teasing her so mercilessly he was also inflicting a degree of pain upon himself. He decided to end the torment for the both of them in the best way possible. He pulled her forward, enclosing her shoulders with arm and placing his other hand on her hip. Allowing his lips to hover above hers with the promise of a kiss, he began impelling her with powerful thrusts.

Millie placed her hands on his waist, her fingers pressing into his muscles and her fingernails digging into his skin. She had taught him the lesson of a little bit of pain applied at just the right moment could intensify the pleasure exponentially.

Sometimes she preferred to be treated like a fine piece of china; a delicate touch applied with great sensitivity and love. Then there were times like this when she desired a more basic and instinctual type of sex catering to the animalistic side of human sexuality.

"Fuck," she gasped, piercing his skin with her fingernails. "Oh, you feel so fucking fantastic."

She also liked to talk dirty during these times.

"Dammit," he hissed through his gritted teeth.

Unable to hold back any longer, Subaru let go, unleashing everything into her. He gave her his love, his anger, his frustration, his desire. He wanted to be a part of her in every way and claim her as his own forever.

"I love you," she whispered in his ear as they trembled in each other's arms.

Her body shook then convulsed with another orgasm following quickly behind the first. She sniffled as the third successive wave of pleasure washed over her. He envied her for being able to have multiple orgasms like that. He also could not help feeling quite proud of himself for making that happen.

"I love you too," he returned, embracing her.

The hammering knock on the door not only interrupted their reveling in the after glow of their lovemaking, the sudden sound almost gave them both a heart attack and sent them scrambling to pull themselves together. They both ran to the bedroom to pull on their jeans and do something in an effort to not look quite so disheveled.

Millie took a second to splash cold water on her face and run her fingers through her frizzy hair before regathering it to twist it into a less messy but still messy bun. As she ran for the door, the person beat on the wooden structure in a way that made her fear they might break it down if she did not get there quick.

Throwing back the deadbolt and giving the knob a fast turn, she yanked open the door. To her dismay, Hal stood there red-faced, his lips pressed into a thin white line in his face. Had he heard what was going on inside before he knocked? His blood shot eyes and the vein popping out under the skin along his temple sure seemed to point toward the conclusion that he had heard too much.

"Here," he snarled, his pale lips peeling back from his teeth and spittle flying through his teeth.

He extended a single, tri-folded sheet of paper toward her held crumpled in his fist. Glancing at the paper, her nose wrinkled in disgust. Her eyes flickered back to his face. His jaw was set, the little muscles by his ear working spasmodically. Shaking the paper at her, he ordered her to take it.

"What's this? she asked, tentatively taking the paper from his clenched fist.

"Read the damn thing," he commanded her, resting his right hand on the butt of his gun.

Hal stared beyond her. She did not have to follow his murderous gaze to know he was glowering at Subaru standing behind her. She took her time smoothing out the hopelessly wrinkled paper. Before she could unfold it to read it for herself, he spoke in an impatient growl sounding like a man possessed by Satan himself.

"I found his parents. That's their address and phone number. I suggest you contact them," he said. "He can go home, and you can be rid of him."

"You mean so _you_ can be rid of him," she corrected him, clutching the paper in her hand without unfolding it and putting the creases right back into it.

"He has to go home, Millie. I found his parents because he's their responsibility, not yours." His teeth made a grinding sound like rocks being crushed underfoot.

"You're wrong. He is my responsibility."

"Is that really it, Millie? Hmm?" he challenged her, his face growing darker until it was almost purple with fury. "Or is it something else? You've fulfilled your responsibility both morally and legally. It's time for him to go back where he belongs."

"He belongs here," she insisted.

Hal belted out a sarcastic belch of laughter, allowing his mouth to hang open as he shook his head in disbelief. Then his eyes caught hers and she quickly looked away.

"Oh, my god," he gasped.

Suddenly he stepped forward, grabbing the door to shove it completely open and out of her grip as he pushed his face close to hers. He sniffed loudly, his nose wrinkling with revulsion. Then he thrust his face closer, sniffing louder.

"You bitch...you stink. You've been fucking him. You were _just_ fucking him," he accused.

Millie raised her eyes from the floor, meeting Hal's wide eyes wild with rage. For a moment she looked into his eyes and said nothing. She almost pitied him. Unfortunately, the hate inside of her at this time would not allow her to feel sorry for him.

"I have been fucking him...a lot. Every chance I get as a matter of fact," she said, daring to boldly antagonize him. "I love him. And he loves me."

Hal released a scream that was like an animal screeching in both fury and terror simultaneously. He lunged at Millie and seized her by the throat.

"I'm going to kill you," he threatened, picking her up from the floor by her neck and shaking her viciously.

"No, you're not," Subaru calmly warned him, pressing the muzzle of the gun he held between Hal's eyes. "Put her down asshole."

Hal froze, still as a statue. His eyes grew even bigger in genuine fear. His jaw became slack, his mouth hanging open in astonishment. Millie whimpered, trying to not kick around as Hal held her suspended in the air choking her despite halting all movement.

The click of the hammer of the gun being pulled back to slide a bullet into the chamber echoed in the profound quietness that had overtaken the room.

"Put. Her. Down," Subaru ordered him, carefully enunciating each word.

Hal gradually lowered her, slowly unhinging his hands from around her neck when her feet were flat on the wooden planks.

Subaru grabbed Millie and pushed her behind him using his own body as a shield to block Hal from seeing her.

"Leave," he ordered the cop who had become a violent trespasser.

"You first," Hal said, his mouth dropping into a menacing lopsided grin. "I bet you can't even use that thing."

"Wanna find out?" He pushed the gun deeper into Hal's skin. "Bo taught me how to use it."

"Bo...that fucking traitor," the ex husband and obviously ex-friend of Bo's spat between his clenched teeth.

"You were a traitor first, Hal. You betrayed Millie time and time again," Subaru accused, pushing the gun even harder into Hal's skull which made the other man's head sink back into his neck making him look like a turtle.

Millie peeked around Subaru to see what was going on. She noticed Hal slowly lowering his hand toward his gun as he held Subaru's gaze. Poking Subaru in the back, she tried to bring his attention to it.

"Uh, uh, uh," Subaru clucked at him. His finger squeezed the trigger a minuscule amount. "I wouldn't do that. I really would hate to make such an awful mess in Millie's house. You've already put her through enough. I'm sure it would quite emotionally traumatizing for her to have to clean your splattered brains off of her nice floor."

Millie clutched fistfuls of Subaru's t-shirt, pressing her forehead into his back as she fought to withhold her tears. Presently he was scaring her as much as Hal. She had never seen him act this way, and it horrified her. The voice coming out of his mouth did not even sound like his; deep, gravelly like he was possessed by a demon.

Hal raised his hands palms up, extending them toward Subaru so he could see them.

"I hope you know what you've done," the man in no place to offer threats warned in an extremely threatening manner.

Hal slowly stood up straight, lengthening his spine and brushing off his shoulders and chest as if to sweep away the entire incident like lint from his clothes. The fear was no longer on his ghost white face that was flooding with a tinge of redness from the return of the anger. Instead he appeared not just confident, but cocky and completely unafraid.

"Oh? What exactly have I done?" Subaru questioned him, keeping the bead at the end of the muzzle trained on Hal's head.

"You've officially declared war. I've been patient up until now but that's all gone." Hal glared at the gun. "Get that fucking gun out of my face."

"What do you mean, Hal?" Millie asked, coming around Subaru to stand beside him rather than hiding behind him.

Hal issued a feral growl like a vicious beast, his face matching the sound as his nostrils flared and his lips receded to reveal every tooth in his mouth. The redness covered his face again since the shock had worn off and the rage returned in spades.

"I suggest you buy him a one way ticket as soon as possible and send him on his way back to Japan."

That was no friendly suggestion. Hal had given her a bold, threatening command. Her eyes stubbornly held his.

"Or what?" she asked, glaring at him.

"Did you know there are no records of him coming into this country? Therefore it's only fair to assume he entered this country illegally. Most likely with ill intentions. He might be a terrorist," Hal said, his lips relaxing into a frighteningly sinister grin. "For the safety of my town, my citizens, my country, I think I will be forced to make a call to the NSA and Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Can't be too careful you know."

"You wouldn't," she whispered, unable to talk louder.

"Try me," he stated in a low, menacing voice.

"You're such a bastard, Hal," she snarled, wadding up the paper in her hand and throwing it at him.

Hal chuckled like a movie villain as the paper bounced off his chest protected by a bullet proof vest under his police uniform.

"Even if he leaves, I will never...ever...go back to you. I already don't like you. I hate you. I hate you with every fiber of my being," Millie said, managing to sound like a petulant child.

Hal's thin lips tilted into a cocksure, arrogant smirk.

"At least you'll be feeling a strong emotion for me, sweetheart," he said. "Indifference is the opposite of love. Hate is only angry love."

"You're disgusting. And sick. Leave, Hal. Now."

"Buy that plane ticket. Send him home. To where he belongs."

Hal backed away, his eyes staying on Subaru's in a silent challenge. He did not even bother to close the door but at least he walked away, his boots stomping across the porch and down the steps.

The eight cylinder engine of the police SUV roared angrily. Rocks and clods of dirt hit the porch with hollow thuds and the windows with little tinging sounds when he stomped the gas and tore off down the driveway.

Millie sank to her knees, holding her head in her hands. She was too distraught, too shocked to cry. But she felt weak and exhausted.

Subaru walked over to the door to slam it, the individual squares of glass shaking in their panes from the force.

"What do we do now?" Subaru asked her, uncocking the gun and laying it on the table in the foyer by the door.

"I've always wanted to travel to Japan," she said, giving him a smile as he helped up from the floor.

"What do you think about living there?" he inquired. "As my wife."

"Subaru," she sighed, pressing her face into his chest and enclosing his waist with her arms.

"I know. It's stupid. We haven't known each other long enough, and we're moving to fast," he murmured, citing all of the same excuses she had used in the past for not loving him or being in any kind of of a relationship with him. He massaged her back as he held her in an effort to comfort her.

"Yes, I'll marry you," she said, her voice muffled by his shirt.

"Yeah, I knew you'd feel that way. I can't say that I don't - " His hands ceased rubbing her shoulders, and his body stiffened in her arms. He pulled her back , staring quizzically at her face. "Wait...what did you say?"

"If that was a marriage proposal," she began, smiling through her tears,"my answer is yes."

"Oh," he gasped, grabbing her and crushing her to his chest. "It wasn't an official, _official_ marriage proposal. I want to do the ring and all that stuff."

"Okay," she sniffled with a chuckle.

"I can't believe you said yes."

"I can't either."

Subaru once again pushed her away from him so he could see her face.

"But why?" he questioned her, his eyes narrowing with suspicion.

"I'm ready to take a chance. I'm ready to do something wild and crazy and totally stupid to improve my life. I've always taken the safe route, tried to do the right thing. Look where that got me. The result of doing the right thing resulted in that horror story who just left," she said, sighing with exasperation.

Millie stared deeply into his warm brown eyes, placing her palms flat against his cheeks to hold his face. Her expression was so sincere, so earnest when she spoke her next words it brought tears to his eyes.

"I'm choosing to take that chance on you. I think you're worth the risk. I'm betting on you. I'm giving you not only my heart but all of me."

Subaru smiled, bending down to kiss her lightly on the lips.

"I'll make sure you don't regret it - ever," he promised.


	9. For Better or For Worse

Author's note: Sorry for the shortness of this chapter. I wanted to update to show that I do intend to keep adding to this story.

I had actually written a longer chapter but cut out the other parts because I wanted this little interaction between them as a stand alone scene. This bit was actually much longer but something went wrong with the saving and I lost all of the new edits I had made. I absolutely wanted to cry and give up. Instead, I calmed myself down and began typing, doing my best to recover what I had written from memory because I was unable to do so from the computer. It's not as good as it was, but hopefully it's not too darn bad.

Thank you maxridelover. I do appreciate your willingness to take those few extra minutes to leave a review. I am always thrilled to read them. Thank you Mahjin Othinus. I had been thinking for some time now I really need to update this story. I am grateful for the little nudge you gave me.

Well, once again I apologize for the brevity of this chapter. Please enjoy the update.

* * *

Millie sat in the bathtub, bubbles around her shoulders, and a wine glass in her hand. Subaru had insisted she take a bath to relax. He even ran the water and poured her wine. How could she tell him no?

She stared at the white wall in front of her trying to make her mind as blank as that wall. Her emotions ping ponged between encompassing rage and paralyzing fear. The mental tennis match of her thoughts going back and fort was wearing her out physically.

One moment she was ready to pack her bags and catch the next flight anywhere just to get the hell away from here and that asshole ex-husband of hers. Then she realized there was no way she could just pick up and leave. The next moment all she could think about was the many loose ends she needed to tie up before going.

Who would take care of the farm? Her animals? Her sister would do it no problem but the notice was so short. Would she ever come back? She had to come back temporarily at least. How could she leave Subaru? She couldn't leave him. How long could she stay in Japan? She had no idea how all of that would work. What about her sister? What would Marianne say? She would blast Hal for sure, but she would support her. Should she sell the house? She should give the house and everything else with it to Marianne and Bo.

"Oh, my god," she groaned, massaging her pounding temple.

Not too long ago, Millie had a nice, quiet life. After all the drama of her divorce, she had fashioned a calm existence for herself, finding peace at last. Happy with her singleness, proud to be self-sufficient, she enjoyed her life. Then she ran into Subaru - literally - and everything changed.

Suddenly she found herself on a roller coaster, her life taking twists and turns she never expected. Some of those twists left her breathless with anticipation of more. Others left her terrified and dreading what might be coming next. The most surprising of all was the loop-the-loop that left her bewildered and dizzy when she found herself in love with Subaru Natsuki. By that time she was in too deep, and there was no turning back.

"Stop this crazy ride," she begged the force of the universe that had set the cosmic coaster into motion. "I want to get off."

Bringing the glass to her lips, she drained the contents in three big gulps. With perfect timing, Subaru came in with the half full bottle to refill her glass.

"Feeling any better?" he asked, sitting down on the wide edge of the garden tub.

"No," she replied with brutal honestly, diving into the bottom of her next glass. "I'm just so damn angry with that lunatic."

"You might want to slow down there before you get wasted," he warned her, taking a drink straight from the bottle.

"Actually, that's what I'm going for," she sassed back, taking another more dainty sip. "Why? Are you going take advantage of me in my inebriated state?"

"Oooh, now there's an idea. I just might," he threatened playfully, splashing water at her chest to wash away the bubbles covering her breasts.

"Pervert," she accused, flinging water at him to sprinkle his face and shirt.

"Hey," he laughed, then grew serious when her smile fell into a deep frown. "Talk to me. I know what's bothering you so just spill what's going on in that pretty little head of yours. Get it off your chest."

Subaru winked at her, and she chortled, rolling her eyes at him as he glimpsed at her breasts.

"I can't believe I was married that monster. To make matters worse, I actually loved him," she scoffed, her body shuddering. Leaning back, she closed her eyes and pressed her bubble covered fingers to her forehead. "God, I can't believe I was so stupid."

"I'm sure he was a different man when you fell in love with him," he said, taking another nip directly from the bottle. "Sometimes people change, and it's more difficult for us to see the evil thing they've become."

"I don't know," Millie mumbled, opening her eyes. "I don't know if he was ever different, or if I just chose not to see the beast hidden under the beauty."

"I'm sure he hid it for a while in the beginning." Subaru sighed. "I can't say I've never chosen to be blind to the evil inside someone I loved either."

Millie let the comment slide. She would ask him later what he meant. Obviously he had remembered more from his past. That would be a discussion for another time. They had a very real problem in the present to deal with rather than delving into the past. Her goal at the moment was to keep him out of jail, and more importantly, alive. She honestly had no idea what Hal might be capable of at this time.

"I know one thing for sure. Hal has completely lost his damn mind. And that scares me. He's a psycho with the power to seriously ruin our lives. Anger and jealousy is one thing. Those two things coupled with his brand of crazy is quite another," she murmured, cupping her hand under the water and pouring the water over her shoulder.

"Hey, everything is going to be fine," he assured her, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger to tilt her face upward. "As long as we have each other, nothing else matters."

Leaning over, Subaru placed a gentle kiss to her lips. Millie pressed her soapy hands to his cheeks, holding his mouth to hers for a longer kiss. Accidentally pulling him forward a little too much, he lost his balance and toppled over into the tub on top of her. He kicked and flailed like a turtle on its back, sending waves of water over onto the floor. At last he stilled his frantic movements, sitting docilely in her lap while she giggled like a madwoman.

"Well, since you're here, you might as well stay," Millie suggested, looking up at him with a big smile on her face.

Subaru stroked her cheek as he stared down at her smiling face. Hearing her laugh and seeing her genuine smile was worth being soaked with his clothes on.

"Okay, but I really need to take these clothes off. I want to be naked with you," he said, giving her a flirtatious wink.

"Oh, that's a really great idea," she agreed.

Subaru struggled to extricate himself from the tub, waving his arms and kicking his legs as if he might swim through the air to get himself out.

"Let me help." Millie raised his body even with the side of the tub by lifting her knees. Placing her palms flat against his shoulder blades she gave him a shove to push him over the edge onto his feet.

Subaru nearly slipped in the inch of water on the tiles. After throwing down a few towels to soak up the flood he had caused, he prepared to undress.

She propped her elbows on the side of the tub, supporting her chin on the platform of her interlaced fingers. Her eyes observed him with great interest as he reached down to grab the hem of his shirt. An ear to ear grin spread across her face as he lifted the shirt to bare his belly.

"Oooh," she squealed upon seeing his ridged abdomen with defined lines to form the much sought after six pack.

"What?" he asked self-consciously, blushing a deep red that matched the color of his shirt.

"Go ahead, go ahead," she encouraged him. "Don't mind me. Just watching the show."

"Good grief," he muttered, feigning offense at her outburst.

"Oh, please, don't even act like you are bashful the least bit. Oh," Millie gasped as he peeled off the shirt to reveal his smooth, firm pecs. "I do like that farm boy body you've developed. Quite sexy."

Subaru struck a body builder's pose, his arms bent at the elbows and his fists raised in the air to flex his biceps for her.

"I'm not a boy. I'm a man," he corrected her, switching to a different pose with his hands interlocked in front him to show off his biceps and triceps as well as his pectorals.

"Oh, good god," she mumbled rolling her eyes.

However, he isn't wrong. He is a grown man. The heavy lifting on the little farm had given him a fabulously muscled frame. The 'natural' muscles built from hard work are so much sexier to her than those gained from hours spent at the gym.

Next came the jeans which proved to be a little bit trickier to remove. Peeling the drenched material away from his skin required lots of hopping and spinning in circles, while shimmying around to pull them down. All of his fancy footwork combined to create a really silly pants dance which made her laugh out loud until her face turned pink and her belly ached.

At last Subaru was naked and ready to join her in the tub. Millie slid forward so he could get in behind her and hold her in his arms. Once he was seated at her back, his legs pressing against the side of hers, she reclined against his chest with a contented sigh.

He kissed the crown of her head, running his fingers along the side of her face, down her neck, and across her shoulder. His fingertips followed the contours of her arm. When his hand could reach no further, she bent her arm to lace her fingers through his and hold his hand.

"So what are we going to do?" he asked, giving her a peck on the temple.

"Honestly, I don't have a plan at the moment. The goal is to get you out of here and back to Japan. The steps in between, I'm not sure of," she admitted, exhaling noisily in frustration. "I'll call Marianne and Bo tomorrow to invite them to dinner. They can think clearly and logically when things are going sideways. Both of them have made a career of helping people get through the absolute worst day of their lives. I'm sure they can help. If nothing else, they can put things into perspective and offer suggestions."

"We'll have to keep Bo from going to beat Hal's ass," Subaru pointed out.

"I think Marianne would get there first. She never liked Hal. I guess I should have known something then," Millie muttered irritably, the self-directed anger returning.

"Don't keep doing that," he admonished her.

"What?"

"Being mad at yourself because of that idiot ex husband of yours."

"Yeah," she chuckled lightly. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"I know how you can make it up to me," he said, kissing the side of her neck.

"Oh? And how's that?" she rejoined, lifting herself up with her hands flattened on the side of the tub.

"I think you already know," he whispered in her ear, positioning himself under her.

Millie sighed as he held her by the waist, pulling her down on top of him. His thumb stroked across her nipple as his other thumb stroked another stiff protuberance between her thighs. They moved slowly, unhurried, relishing their intimate connection. They took comfort in each other's bodies, the pleasure they gave and received. Finding refuge in each others arms, they were given safety from the storm brought on by Hurricane Hal that had overtaken their lives.

The water in the tub rocked their bodies back and forth even when they stopped moving because of the little waves created beforehand. Their climax built slowly, simultaneously, culminating in a finish that left them breathless but relaxed rather than trembling and overwhelmed.

Subaru nuzzled her cheek as she lay on top of him, her head resting on his shoulder. The water was getting cold and the pads of their fingers resembled raisins.

"Let's get out," he said, poking her in the side to tickle her ribs.

"But I don't want to move," she whined.

"Get out, and I'll make love to you again in the bed," he bargained with her.

"Okay," she responded energetically, swiftly lifting her body out of the water.

Millie wrapped a towel around herself and handed him one. Taking Subaru by the hand, she led him to the bed. Standing beside the bed, he enveloped her with his arms, pulling her into his still damp chest. He stroked her back in a gesture to soothe her. Although she was acting silly, putting on a brave face, and doing her best to pretend to be okay, he knew everything still not okay and the situation bothered her greatly.

"As long as we're together, we can get through this," he promised her. "We'll figure this out."

"I love you, Subaru Natsuki," she returned, her voice quivering with emotion.

"I love you too, Millie. Maybe one day soon we can..." He allowed his words to fade away without finishing the sentence.

"What?" she asked, tilting her head back to look up at his face.

Pink spots of color formed on his cheeks. His warm brown eyes slid away from her refusing to make contact.

"What?" she persisted, poking him in the chest. "Oh, come on. You gotta tell me."

"Maybe one day soon," he repeated, inhaling a a deep breath as his eyes connected with hers,"we can get married. I want your name to be Millie Natsuki. What do you think?"

"Is that an official proposal? You've already asked once, but you said wasn't official."

"Well, no. I wouldn't say an _official_ official proposal. I would want to do something much more romantic. Maybe dinner. Wine. Roses. The whole thing. Or maybe a hot air balloon ride. What about - "

"Aw, hell, Subaru, I don't need some ridiculously grand event or even a ring. I just want you. So I'll ask you again, are you really asking me to marry you?"

Her eyes bounced back and forth between his while he hesitated. He pushed away the hair plastered to her cheeks, tucking it behind her ears.

"I swear I won't be another mistake. I love you, Millie Castleberry. I promise to take care of you, to treat you kindly, to protect you...I will love you for the rest of our lives," he said, his voice disappearing into a whisper as tears sprang to her eyes.

"I do believe that is the most romantic proposal I've ever heard," she replied, standing up on her tiptoes to seal the deal with a kiss.

"Now," he began, pushing her down on the bed, "I have another promise I need to keep."


	10. Breaking Away to Another World

Author's Note: Hi there! Back finally with an update. This is actually the first part of two part chapter. I'm still working on the second part but hope to have it published on Sunday. Thank you for reading! Please enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Marianne and Bo arrived at six o'clock on the dot as Millie had asked them to do. Mixed drinks and appetizers were ready and waiting to be served. Putting on her brightest smilie, Millie answered the door.

"Hi!" she greeted them with exaggerated happiness.

"Hi!" Marianne returned, accepting the bone crushing hug from her sister. "Okay. What's wrong?"

"Uhm, well, Subaru and I have some very important news to share."

On cue, Subaru appeared at her side, taking her by the hand.

"Oh, my god!" Marianne shrieked excitedly. Pressing her fingers to her lips to withhold another scream, she bounced up and down on her toes. "OH. MY. GOD. You're getting married aren't you?"

"No...well, yes...I guess, but not now...actually - " Before Millie could explain, her sister grabbed her for another hug, jumping up and down and turning her in a circle.

"I'm so happy for you! Oh, my god! You can finally move on with your life and bid that asshole a long overdue fuck you!" her sister exclaimed.

"Congratulations, man," Bo said, giving Subaru a hearty handshake then one of those one armed 'bro hugs' men sometimes give each other lest they be accused of having an emotional moment with another man.

"But wait, there's more," announced Subaru in a less than joyful tone.

Marianne ceased all celebrating instantly. She pulled her sister back to glare at her.

"What does he mean there's more? Are you pregnant? Jesus Christ, Millicent Grace Castleberry, what the hell - "

"I'm not pregnant!" Millie shouted to prevent her sister from launching into a lecture.

"Millicent? You name is Millicent?" Subaru questioned her, obviously amused because he snorted between every other word while trying to repress his laughter.

"At least I don't share a name with a car brand," she retorted .

"Ouch," he muttered, flinching from her fast and sharp verbal parry. "All right, sassy ass, Bo and I are going to go get the drinks and appetizers. Why don't you two have a seat on the couch and calm down so we can talk this out?"

"What's going on, Millie? Is it bad?" Marianne asked, her eyebrows drawing together with worry. When her sister only sighed in exasperation, shook her head, and stared at the floor, she knew it had to be bad. "What's Hal done now?"

"You're not going to believe this, but he threatened to have Subaru arrested as an illegal immigrant...and a terrorist to boot."

"Are you being serious right now?" Her concern morphed into all out fury toward Hal.

"I'm afraid so. I know what I want to do but - "

"You need to leave. Now. Pack your shit and take a one way flight to Japan. Save the man you love...and save yourself," added her sister, seizing her for an emotional embrace. "I'll miss you...but you need to get the hell out of here. Go with Subaru and leave all this hell behind."

"But, Sis - "

"Hey, you two will give Bo and I good reason to travel to Japan. Mark one off the bucket list right?" Marianne said, giving her sister a smile on trembling lips. "Besides, you deserve to be happy. And Subaru makes you happy."

"I don't know. It's a lot. It would be great to just pack up and run away...and live happily ever after," she added wistfully, plopping down on the couch.

"Are you going to have a traditional Japanese wedding?" Marianne asked, ignoring her sister's defeatist attitude. "Oh, you just have to! That's a wedding I wouldn't miss for anything."

Millie knew her sister was acting happy for her sake despite dying inside at the thought of not being close to her or being able to talk to her on a daily basis. They had grown closer over that last few years in no small part due to her divorce from Hal. Her sister had accompanied her through hell helping her make it to the other side.

"But, Marianne - " Millie tried to protest again.

"Don't...just don't," her sister begged her. A tear sneaked out of the corner of her eye and zigzagged down her face putting her sadness on display. "I'll admit I don't want you to go, but..." She sniffed, failing at holding back more tears. "But you have to leave here. You have a chance at happiness, take it. Don't let that weirdo go," she giggled despite her tears. "And if Subaru does anything to screw it up, I'm flying to Japan to string him up by the balls from a shrine gate for all to see."

Millie laughed through her own tears. She hugged her sister, continuing to laugh and cry as joy and sorrow, fear and anticipation swirled around inside of her in a tornado of feelings.

"What's going on here?" Subaru asked, befuddled and a little frightened upon seeing the women displaying a barrage of diametrically opposed emotions.

"Don't ask," Bo advised him, walking straight to Marianne to offer her a drink. "We wouldn't understand anyway. Don't worry. They'll be all right."

"I want you and Bo to have the house. There's no reason for it to sit here empty. Think of it as an early wedding present for the two of you," Millie said, taking the glass of some pink concoction from Subaru. "Oh! That will give a reason to come back and visit!"

"Yay! I'll drink to that!" Marianne exclaimed, raising her glass and tapping it against her sister's.

They both took a long sip while the men stared with their beer bottles paused halfway to their mouths. The only one who appeared clueless at the moment is Bo.

"What's going on?" he asked Subaru, seeking an ally amidst the confusion.

"Well, Hal came by for a surprise visit. He's going to have me arrested and/or forcibly deported unless I leave willingly," Subaru summarized, tipping up his beer bottle.

"Damn," Bo muttered, taking a drink from his bottle as well. "We can buy the house. We don't expect you to just give it to us."

"My payment is you take care of the animals and keep the farm going. Keep making the deliveries to the general store. Corey counts on those deliveries for her stock," Millie explained.

"You're going to have to quit your job, Farmer Marianne," Bo said, nudging her in the ribs with his elbow. "Next step, barefoot and pregnant, dinner on the table when I come home, foot massages..."

"Don't push your luck, pal," she warned him, stabbing him in the ribs with her elbow as a warning to be quiet.

Marianne had always been fiercely independent and had worked since she was fourteen years old. She took pride in taking care of herself and paying her own way, not having to depend on anyone for anything.

"Anyway, let's forget about all that stuff and have a nice dinner. We can work out the details later." Marianne raised her glass to offer a toast. "To Millie and Subaru, congratulations on your marriage to come. We'll be expecting an invitation in the mail."

"Yes, we will," reiterated Bo, tapping his glass to Marianne's.

"I'll send it here. Well, cheers to us," added Millie, clinking glasses with the both of them.

"I'd like to thank my lovely wife to be for loving me and my in laws to be for being so supportive," Subaru said. "Here's to a great and happy and Hal free future."

"Here, here!"

~\\./~

* * *

A few days later, as not to allow Hal time to rally the troops to come arrest Subaru, Millie and Subaru boarded an airplane. She held a round-trip ticket. His was one way only. Out of necessity, she would have to return to finalize legal matters regarding the farm.

Millie fidgeted with her seat belt as they waited for the airplane to take off. So many thoughts whirled around and around in her head a headache started to grow. There was still so much to do, so many loose ends to tie up. Here she is on a plane, running away like a silly little girl.

There was also the problem of her being able to stay Japan indefinitely without being a citizen which would have to be worked out. She was only allowed ninety days as a tourist and would have to keep her passport with her at all times should be asked to present her identification. She could begin the application process to stay longer and get a visa so she could work, but it would take a while to get it approved.

Eventually they would get married and establish a home which did not automatically grant her citizenship either. After getting married, she would have to apply for a spouse visa to work and live there, and continue to reapply every few years. Being with Subaru was going to be a lot of work, especially paperwork, but he was worth the effort.

"Hey," Subaru said, his voice low and gentle. He lay his hand over hers to stop the nervous fiddling with the buckle and strap. "You're not being irresponsible or stupid or any of the many things you might be thinking about yourself," Subaru whispered to her. "Everything will be fine. Everything will work out, falling into place just like it should."

"Yeah, you're right," she agreed, pressing the back of her head into headrest in an effort to relax.

Closing her eyes, she inhaled a deep breath through her nose and slowly blew it out through pursed lips. It wasn't easy, leaving everything behind. She did not even tell her parents good-bye. She told them she was going on vacation rather than attempting to explain everything that had transpired with Hal. Besides, if they knew the whole story, her furious would want to kill Hal while her mother would seize the opportunity to have one of her many 'nervous breakdowns' to bring attention to herself. Her mother was the reason she avoided seeing her parents at all costs in the first place.

The engines of the airplane rose from a steady hum to a deafening whine as they prepared to taxi down the runway. Her other hand covered Subaru's that had stilled her fidgeting. Her fingers clutched his so tightly her knuckles turned white as the plane began to move. With a single suitcase and a carry on, the man she loved by her side, she was leaving behind everything and everyone she had ever known to embark upon a terrifying but necessary new adventure.

Glancing at Subaru, Millie received a smile that calmed her fear and misgivings and that nagging little voice of doubt trying to convince her she was making an epic mistake. She had already made one of those with Hal. This man beside her held the promise of a hope and a future - and love.

~\'/~

* * *

They had been in the air nearly six hours when the first pocket of turbulence shook the airplane. People cried out in surprise as they were tossed in their seats. A few unfortunate souls, including two of the flight attendants, who had been walking around, were thrown into walls or laps of seated passengers. The glass bottles of alcohol on the beverage cart rattled.

Previously half asleep but startled to full wakefulness, Millie grasped the armrests of her seat. Subaru patted her forearm then rubbed it gently when she refused to release her death-grip on the pieces of plastic under them.

"It's okay. Just a little turbulence," he said.

The second jolt hit them, and it felt like hitting a wall in a vehicle. People were jolted violently this time; some were slammed to the floor while others were shoved into the back of the seat in front of them. The distinct sound of shattering glass could barely be heard amid the shrieks of rising panic and fear.

"Everyone please return to your seats and get buckled in," announced one of the flight attendants.

As the attendant began making her way down the main aisle in an effort to get to the back and get strapped in herself, a third wave of turbulence encompassed the plane, rocking it like a boat. The woman hit the floor to be helplessly thrown about like a rag-doll, an unwilling occupant of an impromptu bouncy house. The yellow oxygen masks fell from the ceiling, dangling and smacking passengers in the head as they struggled to buckle their seat belts in a panic with shaking hands.

"Subaru, I can't - I...dammit," Millie muttered, desperately trying to get her seat belt clasp to catch. The metal piece meant to lock inside the other kept sliding out because the buckle would not engage.

Subaru tried to assist her with the buckle but had not fastened his own. He found it difficult to hang on as they were being swayed back and forth as if on a carnival ride of some sort.

"Please put on your masks," said a male flight attendant, leaning over Subaru to grab Millie's seat belt to fasten it quickly.

Subaru abandoned the belt and put on his mask as the flight attendant buckled him in next. He looked over to see Millie staring at him wide eyed over the bright yellow oxygen mask.

"This is your Captain speaking," came a voice over the speaker above them and filtering throughout the airplane. The sound of beeping, of emergency warnings, could be heard as he continued to speak. "We have encountered an unexpected bit of turbulence. We have been caught in a sudden pop up lightning storm. Do not worry. Everything is fine."

A flash of lightning filled the cabin with blue light. For a moment, everything was white leaving them blinded. However, instead of being plunged into darkness, they were inundated with white light that blocked out everything.

When the color began to seep back into Subaru's vision, everything blurred and wavered. A high pitched ringing filled his ears, making him want to scream. Then there was no sound at all, only movement of people jostled about all around him. He could see Millie beside him being thrown forward and back in the seat as if riding a bucking bronco. He looked down to see she was holding his hand, but he could not feel her touch. Her fingernails were cutting into his skin, making bloody red crescents on the back of his hand. He felt no pain.

Sound returned. People screaming. Glass shattering. Roaring thunder. More flashes of light like the flash of a camera. Everything turned black as the lights in the cabin shut off. Outside the window a streak of lightning illuminated the wing of the plane.

Then it was daytime. Blue sky and white clouds. The green patchwork mosaic of fields below. He saw blue again but below him. Or was it above after all? And green. Back and forth, back and forth until they were mere streaks of color alternating in front of his eyes. Air, strong and abrasive, pummeled his body. He was falling. He could feel Millie's hand in his, but he could not see her. They were falling together. Somehow he took comfort in that fact.

Everything flickered and changed. They were back inside the plane. Alternating black and white, warning sirens, and screaming. The plane was going down. It was crashing. But back in the light, they were also going down. Tumbling through the air in a free fall.

A sound like static hissed and buzzed in his ears before the absence of all light, sound, and sensation encompassed him. Everything stopped.

The sound of tweeting birds was the first thing Subaru heard. He could smell the grass his body crushed offering a soft cushion for his body. Warm sunlight warmed his skin. A light breeze ruffled his hair and rustled through the leaves of trees.

He tentatively opened one eye. The sun filtered through the thick canopy of leaves above him dazzling him for a moment, but he could see. He wiggled his toes inside his shoes and shook his legs. He could move.

Subaru clenched and unclenched his fingers. The ones on his left hand held a hand. Turning his head, he saw her.

Millie lay unconscious beside him. She was on her side facing toward him. Her lovely brilliant copper hair obscured half of her beautiful freckled face but she appeared unhurt. He did not see blood. She groaned, and her head moved slightly, but her eyes stayed closed.

_She's alive. Oh, my god, she's alive, _he thought, relief flooding his body.

"Mill-" He could barely speak. His throat was so dry. His tongue thick and glued to the roof of his mouth. "Millie."

"Subaru," she croaked, her hand reaching up to pull her hair away from her face. She opened her eyes, blinking rapidly as she rolled over onto her back. "Where are we?"

"I think..." He swallowed attempting to wet his throat with the little saliva in his mouth. "I think we're in another world. The one I came from...when I landed in front of you that day."

"What would make you say we're in another world? We were crashing right? Maybe we just crashed in a forest," she said, letting go of his hand and pushing herself up to a sitting position.

"It was night time. We were over the ocean. If we crashed, how are we not hurt? Where are the other people? Where is the airplane? Or rather the pieces of it. We should be in pieces if we were in an airplane crash," he said, trying not to sound like a sassy smart ass.

Millie stared at something, not moving a muscle. Her face became a mask of sheer unbridled terror.

"What? What is it?" he asked, pushing himself up on his elbows while keeping his eyes on her.

"Subaru, I think you're right. I think we're in another world. We're definitely not in Kansas anymore," she said, swallowing with an audible gulp.

"Oooh, I get that reference! We watched that movie!" he exclaimed happily.

"Subaru...look." She raised a shaking hand to point straight ahead of her. "There's a ten foot tall lizard over there. Or is it a dinosaur?"

"Huh?"

Subaru whipped his head to the right to see a black Earth dragon. The animal stared at him with its yellow eyes, the head slowing moving from side to side to study him.

"Patrasche? Is that you?" he asked in a whisper, slowly getting to his feet.

"What are you doing?" Millie hissed.

"It's an Earth dragon. I think I know her."

"What?"

He carefully approached the beast, keeping his head down. Extending his hand, the palm flat and facing up, offered for sniffing.

The dragon made a chittering sound then took a tentative step forward. She sniffed the hand briefly before lunging forward.

"Subaru!" Millie screamed, afraid the creature meant to pounce on him and rip open his belly to disembowel him with those raptor like talons on her short front legs.

Instead, the dragon nuzzled him affectionately on the cheeks and neck making him laugh as he put his arms around her neck for a hug. A rumbling sound, very much like purring, emanated from deep in the chest of the animal.

"Aww, I've missed you too girl," he cooed, patting her along the back of her neck before scratching under her chin.

"Uhm, Subaru," Millie called.

"What?" he chuckled, still petting the dragon.

"I don't feel so good," she mumbled, her words slurred.

"Millie, are you - " He turned to see she had fainted.

No she was not okay. He understood how she felt because he had felt like that after he arrived here too.

"Come on, Patrasche. Millie needs your help, girl."

Subaru picked her up, effortlessly lifting her body. Working on her farm had some nice side effects. He carefully lay her over the back of the dragon. He would have to ride bareback which was going to be quite the task.

"Take us home, Patrasche...wherever that is."

* * *

To be continued...Next: Return by Death - part 2 of Breaking Away to Another World


	11. Return by Death?

How long had he been gone? How much had changed? Had Emilia become the king? Was Rem still alive?

Suddenly, Subaru remembered one thing with certainty: Rem was dead. Those little pieces of memory he had regained told him she was indeed dead. When he had cried out for Rem because of those nightmares of seeing her murdered, he was positive those were real memories. They might have been from a few different timelines, but they were no less real. He had experienced everyone of them. The tears he cried were of genuine loss and longing - and guilt. Rem had died because of him every time, saving him, so in the end he could make sure Emilia survived.

He recalled an alternate life where Rem had lived - for a little longer at least. At her urging, after telling him exactly how she felt about him, he ran away with her. They had fled to a place far away from the war for the crown. They were married and lived a peaceful life, on a farm, until a different battle came to them.

A traveling band of thieves came to their farm because people were penniless and starving all over the country. It was a crime of desperation and opportunity. Despite putting up no resistance, telling the men to take what they wanted and leave, Rem was murdered first, right in front of him. Unfortunately, this was not the first, or the last time, he would see her die. Then he was killed and sent back to the original timeline to fulfill his destiny of fighting the war to keep Emilia on the path to the throne.

Before he could see her crowned, he was sent back to his own world. And here he is once more. So where was the save point this time?

Memories were coming back to him in fragments; still frames and short snippets of sound and motion. He had lost count of how many lives he had lived. Surely a cat can't remember each of its nine lives. He knew without a doubt had loved Emilia. She was the true holder of his heart in this world.

Subaru mulled over the possibilities of what he might feel when he sees her again. Surely he would not still harbor those deep-seated romantic feelings for her after falling in love with Millie. However, he no longer trusted his heart because he could not trust his memories.

Subaru gazed down at the woman slumped over the neck of the dragon in front of him. He pulled her hair away from her face to look at her more closely.

What about Millie? What will she think when she finds out about Emilia? What would Emilia think of her?

Emilia had never loved him like Millie loved him. He loved Millie. He pledged to marry her, to love her for the rest of his life. He had promised to never betray her, to never hurt her like Hal. No matter what he might feel when he saw Emilia, he knew he could never betray his love for Millie.

A new question seized Subaru's mind: did they die in the plane crash? Perhaps his _gift _of return by death had brought him back here. Somehow, that power had extended to Millie, bringing her with him. For that, he was thankful. He did not know if he could live without her at his side.

"Please don't let us be dead," he begged to whatever powers might be that had seen fit to drag him back here.

Suibaru gradually began to recognize his surroundings. He was in a familiar place. The Kremaldy Forest surrounding Roswaal's Mansion, the place where he had lived during much of his time here. Eventually, they broke through the tree to be at the edge of the expansive property.

The extensive grounds spread out before him with the mansion as big as a castle smack dab in the middle of the manicured section surrounded by well tended gardens, cement pathways, and multiple tiered fountains.

By all appearances so far, it seemed nothing had changed. However, he was positive something had changed - drastically. If nothing else, he had transformed into a different man since leaving here.

"Home," Subaru sighed, not quite feeling happy or safe - but there was comfort in the familiar. He gently prodded the dragon with his heels. "Let's go, Patrasche."

Halfway across the property, he saw her sitting in a chair under the portico reading. Emilia still looked the same. White hair, kind expression. The lovely half elf. Dressed as she always had in one of her short white dresses with the long flowing sleeves, she sat with her legs curled under her and book open on her lap.

Surprisingly, he felt nothing. His heart quickened as the ground dragon picked up the pace under him. Gripped by apprehension and the beginning of fear, mostly of the unknown that awaited him, he protectively wrapped his arms around Millie.

Ram appeared carrying a silver tray with a cup of tea for Emilia. She looked the same too. How far back had he gone? Was Rem alive?

At once, both women looked his way. The usually stoic, unemotional and unresponsive, Ram dropped the tray. It hit the cement with a loud crash, the tea spraying across her skirt as the cup exploded into shards. She and Emilia both flinched from the racket, but continued to stare gape mouthed at him.

Emilia carefully rose onto unsteady feet, the forgotten book falling to the cement with a bang at her feet. She placed her flattened palm over her eyes to shield them from the sun in order to get a better look at the person coming their way. A smile broke out across her face, and she took off running with Ram behind her.

When he saw her smile, the memory of every affectionate feeling he had for her rushed back into his head. Everything her ever thought about her, everything he had ever felt for her, inundated his heart threatening to burst it. Seeing her made him both happy and sad: happy to see her again but sad for what might have been.

Millie groaned and shifted in his arms. The woman he held had changed everything - including him.

"Emilia," he breathed.

Tears streamed down his face. Only their wetness made him aware of his crying. His heart ached with nostalgic, tender emotions. _Oh, no! This isn't supposed to happen!_

Patrasche halted, lowering her body slightly to make it easier for him to dismount. She remained still knowing the unconscious woman remained on her back and draped over neck.

Emilia cried too as she met him at the foot of the stairs leading up to the portico.

"Subaru," she sniffled, leaving her tears unchecked as they dripped from her chin. "Is that really you?"

"Yeah, it's really me. I - "

"Why are you here? _How_ are you here? Why did you leave?" she asked one question right after the other, taking a step toward him.

"I don't know. I'm afraid I don't know the answer to any of those questions," he returned sadly.

"I've missed you," she said, taking two steps forward and coming that much closer to him.

"I missed you too," he rejoined, putting one foot in front of the other.

"It took me a while to realize something," she began, swiping at a fresh gush of tears with the fluttery long sleeve of her dress. "It took you leaving...just suddenly vanishing out of my life...for me to realize..."

A small cry of both joy and sorrow escaped her throat preventing her from speaking temporarily. Amelia paused to indulge in sobbing gently, covering her face with her hands to prevent any further wails from coming out of her mouth. Once she regained her composure enough to speak, she lowered her hands from her tear stained face to look into Subaru's eyes.

"What? What is it?" he asked nervously, resisting the urge to wipe away the tears from her cheeks.

"I love you," she confessed in a warbling voice through her tears.

Oh, how he had longed to hear those words from her. Amelia loved him! His heart felt heavy in his chest like a stone - and just as cold and hard when he did not feel the same. But it was too late. His heart ached for her - and for him because if only she had said those words sooner...

There was no way of knowing what might have been between them. His heart felt like it was being squeezed by an invisible hand, constricted as if something wanted to destroy it -like when the witch held his heart in her hand and killed him. He gulped. But this was definitely not the witch. Only strong emotions out of control.

Emilia surged forward, flinging her arms around his neck. Subaru hugged her back; a friendly hug of greeting. When her lips skimmed over his cheek, coming very close to the corner of his mouth, he stepped back from her.

"Emilia, things have changed. I've changed. I don't know what's happened here or how long I've been gone but - "

"Barasu, who is this?" Ram interrupted.

The blunt pink haired girl stood beside the black Earth dragon visually examining the woman who did not move at all. She too great care not to touch her.

"Who is that? Is she dead?" Emilia asked, rushing to the woman obviously in need of assistance.

Unlike Ram, Emilia did not hesitate to touch Millie. She took her by the arms and with Subaru's help pulled her from the back of the dragon. They placed on the couch where Emilia had been sitting earlier.

"Her name is Millie. She's my..." He hesitated as Emilia looked the woman over searching for injuries. "She just fainted from being overwhelmed. I had gone back to my world, the place I came from...the place I told you about."

"Oh, so she's from there too? She's beautiful. Such gorgeous hair," Emilia complimented, gingerly touching one of the shiny light auburn corkscrew curls.

"Something happened there," he said, studying her face.

"You fell in love with her...didn't you?" she asked, keeping her eyes on Millie.

Even if her voice had not betrayed her disappointment and dejection, her eyes did. Her amethyst eyes darkened to a deep purple, shadowed by sorrow.

"We were on our way back to my home, country, the place I really came from. We were going to get married."

"I see. Well, that's good. I'm happy for you," she said trying to mean it but failing. "You've been gone quite a while. A lot had happened here so it's not surprising so much happened there."

"How long have I been gone?" he questioned her, desperate to know.

"A while" Ram replied vaguely.

"That's not helpful," he muttered irritably. "What's happened since I've been gone?"

"Emilia was crowned king. The kingdom had been at peace since then. Roswaal gave her this mansion to be her summer home. Her highness is presently on vacation," Ram helpfully filled in the blanks. She kicked him behind the knees to drive him down to a kneeling position. "Kneel peasant! You are in the presence of royalty!"

"Ram! That's not necessary. Besides, " Emilia said, taking Subaru's hands in hers to assist him to his feet. "He's a friend. A friend we have not seen in a long time. I am also taking a break from my royal duties so let me."

"Yes, ma'am," she replied, curtsying politely.

"We should take Millie to a room," Emilia declared. "She needs to be tended to and get some rest. I'm sure all of this is a lot for her. There will be so much more to come when she wakes up."

Subaru picked up the out cold Millie in a princess carry. He smiled as he followed Emilia to a room. Of course she would be friendly and helpful, generous enough to open her home to a stranger. After all, the same thing had been done for him when he arrived here.

Once she was laid on the bed, Ram took over taking care of Millie. After filling a wash basin with water, she set about wiping the dirt from the stranger's face and hands then picked the grass out of her mass of curls.

"Barasu, you should leave," Ram ordered him.

"Why?" he asked.

"I'm going to change her clothes. These are dirty," she explained dryly.

Subaru opened his mouth to protest. Not only had he seen Millie naked on many occasions, he had even taken off her clothes and bathed her, then helped her dress afterward. The heat of a blush rose to his cheeks. They did not need to know any of that.

"Okay. I'll wait outside," he said.

"Subaru, can I talk to you?" Emilia requested, following him from the room.

"Sure," he responded, closing the door behind him. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Not here. In private," she insisted.

"Okay," he agreed, trailing behind her down the hall.

The went into a room he remembered being Roswaal's office. It was Emilia's since the mansion now belonged to her he reminded himself.

Emilia took a seat behind the desk. He sat in one of the chairs positioned in front of it. He shifted uncomfortably in what should have been a comfortable seat with an overstuffed cushion covered by soft leather. Why did she feel the need to so formal?

"I can't believe it's really you," she said, tears making her eyes gleam. "Why did you leave?"

"I don't know. I don't understand it myself. I woke up back in the world I came from but in a different country. I couldn't remember a thing. Millie took care of me," he explained.

He saw no need to try to explain vehicles or the fact Millie rammed into him with one. Things were already confusing enough. His one great hope was that he had not died to get catapulted back here dragging Millie, an unwitting victim, with him to the place that had been his greatest hell.

His mind reeled out of control. _What if the Witch comes after me again? Please let that freak Betelguese still be dead. What if someone tries to hurt, Millie? What if I die in front of her? Oh, my god! She'd be so freaked out! _The intrusive thoughts hammered his brain like a woodpecker pecking at a tree.

"You love her?" Emila asked, breaking into his wildly escalating thoughts.

"I do. She's the woman I plan to marry and spend the rest of my life with," he confirmed, leaning forward to place his forearms on his knees. "Look, Emilia - "

"I apologize for my impulsive confession. I should have waited until I was clear on things. I was just so happy to see you...to know you were alive... My feelings just tumbled out. I - " She broke off her sentence, her breath hitching. "Why are you here?"

"I don't know," he replied curtly, beginning to lose patience as his own apprehension and bafflement over his predicament grew.

He didn't want to be here again. He did not want to relive any of this, and he damn sure did not want to cause anyone, especially Millie, any unnecessary emotional trauma.

If he had to make a guess based on what Ram said, Subaru would assume he returned sometime after that day he made his confession to Emilia. He had just saved her and a wagon full of children from being blown up. He understood how one could spout passionate phrases thoughtlessly. Fueled by adrenaline and high emotions, it amazed him what a person could say, confess from the depths of their heart.

"So you're the one in charge now?" Subaru asked to change the subject. "You achieved what we fought for."

"Yes, indeed. Things are good. We are at peace. I believe it's mostly because we're too busy rebuilding our lives and homes to fight anymore."

Not a whole lot of time could have passed if they were still in the rebuilding phase. Maybe a year at most - which would be almost twice as long as he had been with Millie in their world. His head ached as his brain scrambled to make connections and figure out a time span.

"It's only been about six months," Emilia helpfully confirmed. "I'm still not sure what I'm during yet as a ruler...but I'm trying."

"You'll be great," he assured her, giving her a smile. "I always believed you would be a great king. A fair and just ruler. You've always been so kind and compassionate. Always wanting to help if someone was in trouble. Like now. Thank you."

"How could I not help you? You're an old and dear friend. That woman...," she said, smiling at him but the smile was sad. "Millie is the one you love. Of course I will offer her aid too."

"Thank you," Subaru replied, genuinely grateful.

"We should celebrate. Throw a party!" she exclaimed with exaggerated happiness.

"Why? What is there to celebrate?" he asked morosely, feeling quite miserable.

Although he had loved Emilia and made many great friends while he was here, this was not a place he wanted to come back to - ever. Things had changed for him, and he liked being back in his world. He hoped she would forgive him at not being overjoyed by this reunion. He was in no mood to celebrate anything.

"Well, since there's nothing we can do to change the circumstances you're in, we should be happy about your return and celebrate that. Make the best of things."

Subaru could not agree. He prayed she was wrong about not being able to do anything about it. His only hope, no matter small it may be or how tenuous his hold on it, he had to believe there was a way back.

"We should celebrate your engagement," she suggested. "We may be having a wedding eventually. Millie should meet all of your friends."

"Yeah. Sure."

There was knock on the door.

"Barasu," Ram called from the other side without waiting for a reply from inside.

Subaru jumped up and went to the door, snatching it open.

"What is it?" he asked, worried that something might be wrong with Millie.

"Your lady is awake. She is calling for you. Screaming really. If you do not hurry, I will be forced to sedate her," she said in her bored monotone which made her threat sound even more ominous.

"No, no, don't that. I'm going," he assured her, setting off in a jog to return to Millie quickly.

"Hmm," Ram hummed thoughtfully as she watched him disappear down the hall from the doorway of the office.

"What is it?" Emilia questioned her.

"He's changed."

"Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know yet."

Subaru could hear Millie calling his name as he ran. Her voice sounded strained with panic and unsteady with fearful tears. Naturally she would be terrified to wake up in an unknown room with a woman she did not know. He had thought he would be back before she awakened.

"Subaru," she exhaled upon seeing him.

The relief showed on her face by the way her wrinkled forehead immediately smoothed out and her eyebrows separated back into two from the continuous line they had formed over her nose. She threw back the covers, launching herself out of the bed toward him. She was wearing a white nightgown that looked like a gigantic sack. Its shapeless form covered her from her neck to her toes and down to her wrists.

He opened his arms, and she flung herself into them. Initially he could not breathe because her grip on him was so fierce. When he started to cough and wheeze, patting her on the back requesting mercy, she loosened her arms around his neck but did not let go.

"When I couldn't find you I was so scared something bad had happened to you," she said, relaxing her arms a little more.

"I'm sorry. I needed to talk to Emilia. We're safe here. Nothing will happen to us," he assured her.

In unexpected rapid succession, he had flashes of some really bad things that had happened to him here. He was murdered a few times on these grounds, and in this very house.

"I won't let anything happen to you," he assured her, this time hugging her until she struggled for air.

"Subaru, be honest," she said pushing back from him as much to breathe as to see his face. "Are we in danger here?"

"I don't know," he answered as honestly as possible.

_I don't know. _He was getting damn sick and tired of uttering that phrase. Just hearing it again set his teeth on edge irritated his already jangled nerves.

"At least we're together," she sighed, embracing him much more gently this time, seeking comfort as well as to give it.

"Yeah. As long as you're with me, I can get through this...again," he added, the word harsh and bitter in his mouth.

"You're with people who know you...your friends. That's good. By the way, who's Emilia? You never mentioned her before."

He never had mentioned her because he could not remember her until being brought back here. For some reason, his mind had seen fit to totally block out every shred of evidence of her existence and his feelings for her.

"Don't worry about it. I'll explain later." Preferably before anything is said in reference to how felt about Emilia in the past.

"Well, I'm glad she's a very kindhearted person. I'm looking forward to meeting her."

"You're trying really hard to find the positives, aren't you? So this situation doesn't seem so awful?"

"Is it that awful?" She blinked at him not really wanting an answer to that question. "I hope it's not all that terrible...but yes. Yes, I am searching for that silver lining in our black cloud," she confessed, smiling at him. "What other choice do we have?"

"None really. Ugh," he groaned, squeezing her affectionately. "I'm so glad I have you."

"Right back at ya, Mister."


	12. The Advent of the Green Eyed Monster

Author's Note: This fic does not adhere to canon. Although it should have been obvious from the beginning with the addition of an OC and Subaru's return to his original world, I'm not trying to follow canon. I assume you're okay with that considering you're still here and reading this. I do try to include as many basic elements as possible without straying too far from the original spirit of the story. Thankfully, Subaru's Return by Death ability does allow from some leeway in this area considering it creates different outcomes and many alternate timelines that can be explored.

There is no certain arc this is placed in but basically takes place after the first season of the anime ends. I won't say too much more or that will spoil some revelations that lies ahead in this chapter. Can't let out any spoilers of my own fic now can I?

This chapter is dedicated to you AntmanGoesUpThanosThanus. Great username by the way! Thanks for reading and offering encouragement. You helped me find the muses to bang this chapter out. Hope you like it.

Majin Othinus I will get around to bringing Beatrice in. I can't forget her, I suppose. ;P Please be patient. I'm slowly getting Millie accustomed to this new world and everyone in it.

A special thank you to maxridelover for indulging in all of my insanity in writing.

Thanks so much for ALL of your reviews and favorites and follows. I appreciate them all and helps me find the inspiration to continue writing.

Now, on with the chapter. Happy reading!

* * *

Millie gradually came to wakefulness. It was like climbing out of a dark chasm. Her head ached. Her body felt bruised and sore all the way down to the bone. She did not want to open her eyes.

The bed she lay in was marshmallow soft under her body. Her hand slid across the smooth sheet searching for Subaru. Nothing but empty air. She was alone.

Pressing her hands over her eyes, she curled into a fetal position. She did not want to be awake. She did not want to be here - wherever here is.

A light tapping at her door prompted her to open her eyes and sit up no matter how much she did not want to. She hissed in pain. It hurt like hell to move.

The door opened for Ram to enter with a silver tray in her arms. Swathes of cloth hung over her right arm. A change of clothes for their guest. She set the tray on the round table in the corner opposite the bed, then carefully lay the dress across the foot of the bed to smooth out the material before it wrinkled.

On the tray sat a tall silver coffee pot with matching sugar bowl and cream pitcher. It looked just like the coffee set Millie inherited from her grandmother. There was also a white porcelain cup and saucer on the tray.

Her heart ached. Would she ever see home again? She missed her sister. Fear quickly followed up on the heels of homesickness. Where the hell is Subaru?

_Stay calm. He's here somewhere, _she told herself. _You're safe. If they wanted you dead, they would have already killed you. Besides, these are Subaru's friends._

White steam floated out of the spout of the pot. Millie closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Whatever was in that pot smelled like coffee. She hoped it tasted like coffee too.

"Good Morning," Millie greeted the quiet girl with pretty pink hair and intense magenta eyes.

"Morning, Miss," Ram rejoined, curtsying to her from where she stood at the end of the bed as if waiting for something.

"You can call me Millie," she insisted.

"You are a guest in this house. I will call you Miss if you please," she returned formally.

Millie considered the maid uniform the girl wore. Ram took her duties very seriously. Of course, she did. Considering her unsmiling face and abrupt way of speaking, she took everything very seriously.

Hauling in another deep breath through her nose inundated her scent receptors with the delightful coffee aroma. Her salivary glands kicked into overdrive as she watched Ram pour the black liquid from the pot into the cup. Her anticipation grew exponentially. It looked like coffee too!

"How do you take your coff, Miss?"

_Coff?, _she pondered silently. Close enough. It had to be coffee.

"Just cream, please," she requested.

As Ram poured the cream, Millie stayed quiet leaving the exact amount to Ram's discretion as not to appear too demanding. As Ram said, she was a guest in this guest, and she preferred to be a polite one.

"Thank you," she said, reaching for the cup offered to her on a saucer.

"Miss Emilia sent you a dress. Although your curves are a bit more generous than my lady's it should still fit," Ram remarked.

Millie did her best not to drop her cup or allow her feelings to be hurt by the blunt statement. It was true after all.

Emilia had a lithe, thin body like that of a ballerina. She on the other hand had a body like the farm girl she is. Her strong arms and legs had been made thick with muscle from heavy lifting and long hours of hard work. Eating the fresh and hearty country food her grandmother taught her how to cook had filled out her already generous curves.

Her hair was like spirals of copper wire in comparison to Emilia's gorgeous silvery locks that lay soft and smooth all the way down her back. Her eyes were also a muddy mix of green and brown in contrast to Emilia's brilliant, almost glowing, bluish violet eyes.

Emilia had flawless skin, white like snow and just as magnificent as a layer of undisturbed, freshly fallen powder. Millie on the other hand was tanned and freckled; browned by her time in the sun and spotted to boot.

She couldn't be more different than Emilia, and there was no reason for her to feel bad about herself because of it. But she did.

Millie raised the cup to her lips, breathing in the glorious smell one more time before tasting the coff to enhance the flavor. Hot, slightly bitter, made smooth by the rich, fatty cream, the liquid filled her mouth and coated her taste buds with the flavor of rich, dark coffee. After taking another swallow, she closed her eyes, luxuriating in the taste.

"Ahh," she sighed, slowly opening her eyes to see Ram staring at her. "This is wonderful, Ram. Thank you so much."

A sweet pink blush tinted the tops of the girl's cheeks just below her eyes enhancing their almost fuchsia color.

"Where is Subaru?" Millie asked, finishing her fabulous and comforting coff.

"Would you like more, Miss?" Ram inquired as if purposely ignoring her question.

"Yes, please," she replied, handing her the cup and saucer.

Ram busied herself with preparing another cup without answering the question posed to her. When she brought the second cup to her guest, the woman caught her wrist with one hand in addition to holding the cup with her other to avoid spilling. Her eyes met the stranger's golden green ones that blazed into hers.

"Ram, where is he?" Millie asked, a mildly threatening undercurrent rolling under her low and calm voice.

The fingers around Ram's wrist squeezed with strength she had no idea the woman possessed. She had believed this stranger, a woman she saw as being even more of an interloper than Subaru, to be as weak and helpless as he had been when he first arrived here. She was wrong.

"He is speaking with Miss Emilia. They have much to discuss. He disappeared suddenly without a trace and with no explanation. He's been gone a very long time. He will come to your room as soon as they have completed their discussion," she advised, quickly retracting her arm when Millie released her.

"I apologize. I hope I didn't hurt you," Millie said with genuine regret for her actions.

"Hmph," Ram snorted derisively, dropping her hand from massaging her throbbing wrist. "You didn't hurt me."

Too bad this stranger did not know who she is dealing with. Ram could cut her in half with a flick of her wrist and without an ounce of remorse. If Millie only knew what she could do to her, she would be afraid - terrified actually.

"Good. I certainly wouldn't want to hurt someone who is only being nice to me."

Ram remained silent. Her eyes lowered to the floor. But that was Millie's problem. This stranger was already frightened out of her mind.

"I'm just so scared," Millie confessed. "I have no idea what's happening here. I just...I just don't want anything to happen to Subaru."

"You love him?" Ram ventured, lifting her eyes to carefully examine this unusual woman named Millie.

Their eyes met again. The fierceness of her gaze answered Ram's question before she did in words.

"Yes. With all of my heart."

~\\../~

* * *

"Emilia, how long have I really been gone?" Subaru asked.

Emilia sighed heavily. She gave Subaru a wavering, sad smile.

"Almost five years," she replied honestly.

"But you said - "

"I lied," she admitted. "I lied so you wouldn't feel so guilty. The time after your arrival was not good for a long explanation either. I'm so sorry I lied to you, Subaru. I just can't stand to see you hurting."

"Five years," he murmured aloud to himself. His chin lowered toward his chest. "Oh, my god. I had no idea it had been so long. I was thinking time flowed the same way here as it did there. I thought...maybe six months had passed...tops. I don't know how this works. Dammit."

Subaru bent forward, placing his elbows on his knees. He held his head in his hands, grasping handfuls of his hair as if he might try to rip it out in frustration. He really did not understand everything about Return by Death after all.

How many lifetimes had he lived? He had forgotten so much and remembered so little. Perhaps his life with Rem had been his last one which would explain why he remembered only her. That would account for the lost four and half years between when he left here and before returning to his world to meet Millie.

And he came back. Why? Goddammit, why?! When he had found happiness again, he was thrust back into this place. Rem was gone. Emilia was king and everything seemed to be fine; happy and peaceful. He did not understand why he had been brought back here.

The icy fingers of fear gripped his heart and squeezed until he could not breathe. Would Millie be taken away from him too? He would die a million deaths to bring her back if necessary. He would not lose the woman he loved again.

Subaru recalled meeting Millie. Well, the first thing he met was the grill of her big assed truck. He smiled at the memory of their absurd first encounter.

His smile faded though as another memory appeared through the haze of forgetfulness. He was lying on the bare wooden planks of the floor in the little cabin he had built for himself and Rem. She was lying close to him, her face turned toward him.

Her eyes were swollen closed. Her pretty face was married with purple and black bruises. Blood caked and matted her beautiful sky blue hair and leaked from the corner of her slack mouth. He could not be sure if she was already dead at this point.

_Oh, my god. What a horrible sight_, he thought, covering his eyes with his hands as if that would block out the image of her inside his head.

The memory was so real he would swear he could smell the acrid smoke that billowed around them, temporarily hiding her face from him in a suffocating white cloud. He saw himself reaching for Rem, taking her small hand in his. The flames of the fire lit up her face, painting it a jaundiced yellow as the fire seared his skin while their home, their life, burned to the ground around them.

"Oh, my god," he whispered, tears leaking from his eyes as the fiery memory burned its way through his brain.

Emilia stood up from her chair and came around the desk to stand beside him. She carefully pulled one of his hands away from his face, holding it between hers.

"Do you have any idea what happened? What happened in between leaving here and returning? Where you might have been in the years before..." Her words died away, and she took a loud audible gulp. "...before you returned to your world and met Millie?"

"No," he lied but only partially.

Subaru did not remember all of it. The bits and pieces were still scattered along the winds of his mind, blowing through occasionally to haunt him by making him remember. Having just relived a memory he had previously recalled made his stomach twinge with the hot, sick feeling of nausea pushing bile up his throat.

Emilia squeezed his hand, bringing it to her face to press the back to her cheek.

Subaru's eyes flickered to her face. His heart beat faster in his chest. His breathing quickened until he felt light headed.

Once upon a time he would have been positively thrilled for her to display such intimate affection toward him. Presently, it made him uncomfortable, filling him with a sense of guilt. He carefully pulled his hand away from hers issuing an apology.

"I'm sorry, Emilia. I can't...I can't do this with you."

"I know. I was just trying to comfort you. You looked like you were hurting so much I - " She cut off her words, turning her back to him. "I'm sorry. I will refrain from such actions in the future. You love _her_ now."

Subaru did not like the odd emphasis on the word her. That was not like Emilia. He watched her closely as she quickly moved around her desk to distance herself from him and use the imposing piece of furniture as a physical barrier between them.

"It's just difficult seeing you after all that time. After feeling what I felt," she said.

Subaru felt something rise inside of him. Anger heated his belly, boiling deep in his gut. He was not angry with her really. Circumstances and timing were to blame. Those two forces out of his control, and hers, were easier to find fault with than Emilia. Too bad their feelings could not have synced and connected at the proper time.

If only things had been different. If only they had not been waging a war and trying to save lives, Emilia's life in particular, so she could in turn save an entire country. If only she could have loved him back when he was so pathetically, helplessly in love with her.

"Are we done here? I really should get to Millie," Subaru announced, losing his patience and standing to his feet. This discussion was doing nothing but dredging up pain.

"We can talk about plans for the celebration later. I think we all need a little time to rest and - " She stopped speaking abruptly to clear her throat. "And to adjust to how things have changed."

"I don't think anyone really feels like celebrating anything anyway, Emilia. I seriously doubt you feel like congratulating me on marrying another woman by throwing me a big party."

"Subaru," she tried to interrupt, but he rushed already too emotionally invested in his emotional tirade.

"I understand if you don't want us here. We can go somewhere else if us being here bothers you too much. I apologize for inconveniencing you."

"Subaru, that's enough," Emilia snapped at him, slamming her hand down on the desk. "I'm fine with you being here. It's just...it's just a shock. A lot has changed. I've changed. You've changed."

"I know becoming king was not easy for you. That's a terrible understatement I'm sure. Honestly, I can't remember what happened here before I left...any of it. I'm sorry," he apologized, speaking in a rush of words. He added a deep bow to further show his regrets. "I can't imagine how difficult the last five years have been for you. I'm sorry for coming back and interrupting your life."

"None of us asked for this, Subaru. It's not your fault. Go," she commanded him. When he raised his head to look at her, she forced a smile and repeated, "Go. Go to her."

"Yes, your highness," he responded, bowing again before leaving.

"You don't have to call me that here! I'm on vacation!" she reminded him as he hastily exited the room.

After he left, Emilia stared at the closed door for several minutes. Picking up her pen, she tapped it absentmindedly on the desk as she thought about the man who just left her presence.

Subaru Natsuki had indeed changed. He looked older but better. His body had filled out quite nicely and the sun kissed skin suited him. The scar on his forehead only added to his handsomeness. How did he get that scar? She had forgotten to ask.

Not only had he matured physically, but he had also developed more emotionally. He was no longer that awkward, childish, lovesick idiot she had known.

As much as she wanted to see it, Emilia could no longer imagine that man standing behind her as her valiant knight, her greatest champion, her protector. The new light she had wanted to see him in dimmed as well. He would never be her lover as she had imagined him being many times over the last couple of years. He had found someone else who believed in him and made him believe in himself. He loved that woman.

"Too little, too late. Too bad," she sighed, sinking back into her chair.

Five years ago, she had been unable to see his potential as a romantic partner. She had actually felt sorry for him when he confessed his love to her after the wagon incident. Now she felt sorry for herself. By the time her heart and her head caught up to each other, it was too late.

"It isn't fair," she muttered aloud to herself.

A cold stillness took hold of her. Something new and disconcerting began growing inside of her.

Emilia knew she shouldn't be jealous of the woman who captured Subaru's heart. Millie did something for him she never could: she saw Subaru's potential not just as a man but a lover as well. That woman had the patience, the courage, to bring those tender feelings to the forefront in him without considering herself. And that selflessness had won Subaru's heart.

Emilia sighed, hating the feeling taking root in her heart. She couldn't help feeling it. She envied Millie.

~\\../~

* * *

"This isn't going to work," Millie muttered as she looked at herself in the mirror.

The swingy skirt of the lavender baby doll style dress barely reached below her butt cheeks. The sleeves that should have been loose clung to her muscular arms with only the wide part from her elbow down flowing freely. Her braless breasts which were actually only a C cup, not extremely big, appeared huge in the dress as they tried to overflow the V cut top.

"It's almost obscene, isn't it?" Ram asked her on a strictly rhetorical basis but it was no less insulting.

Millie wanted to cry. Tears swam in her hazel eyes making them glisten.

"We should go shopping," Ram suggested quickly, handing her the jacket like garment that was like a haori.

Although dark purple in color, the sheer fabric of the jacket did little to cover the myriad of sins that tried to burst out of the stretched to its limit material of the dress.

"Tomorrow is our shopping day. We will go into town and have some clothes made specifically for you. Until then, this will have to do," Ram said. "In the meantime, I'll see if I can find something else that can be altered."

"Thank you. I do appreciate your help," Millie sighed, carefully sitting down in the chair at the table.

She breathed shallowly, not wanting to burst a seam. She refilled her cup, wondering if they had something like wine here. A beer would do too.

"Ugh," she groaned, pouring herself another cup of coffee.

Padding across the smooth and highly polished dark wood floor, coffee cup in hand, Millie opened the window to look out across the grounds. It was beautiful here like something she had seen in pictures of castles in foreign countries. Things could not get much more foreign than this place.

Sitting on the wide window sill made of light colored bricks, Millie sipped and studied the picturesque scene in front of her.

A gray cobblestone road led up to the mansion with a circular area at the front entrance. A huge garden, a gorgeous chaos of many colors and different kinds of flowers, sat in the middle of the circle. White cement pathways criss-crossed the grass like a maze with no walls. Lots of painstakingly trimmed bushes and trees lined the walkways. Miniature gardens had been planted in the middle of the various geometric shapes created by the intersecting paths.

There were also three gazebos set among the pathways and greenery. Spending a day reading a good book inside one of the shady little structures would be wonderful.

Millie felt guilty that she had dropped in so suddenly, disrupting Emilia's life. Their gracious hostess already had enough on her plate being king and all. Now Emilia was forced to deal with some stranger while she was trying to take a restful vacation.

Millie took a sip of her coff and grimaced, forcing it down rather than spitting it out. The liquid had grown cold and too acidic for even the cream to offset the harsh flavor. Setting the cup down on the sill, she pulled her knees up to her chest.

There was a knock on her door before it opened. She did not even turn to look at who entered. She assumed it to be Ram coming back to tell her she could not find a single garment that could be altered to fit her.

Heavy, shuffling footfalls moved across the floor. Ram was completely soundless when she moved her small, light body. The different sounding footsteps made her turn her head.

Subaru froze in his tracks when her teary eyes met his.

"Are you okay?" Subaru asked her.

Millie shook her head. When Subaru opened his arms, she leapt from the window sill and rushed to him. Throwing herself into his arms, she knocked them both onto the bed.

"Hey, hey, I missed you too," he laughed lightly, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I'm so scared. I can't imagine how frightened and confused and, and, and frightened you felt when you came here the first time. You were all alone," she wailed, repeating herself instead of stammering in her nervous panic.

"Everything will be okay. We're safe here. I swear," he promised her, believing it to be true since things had changed so much and for the better.

"I'm just glad you're here with me," she said, taking his face between her hands to kiss his lips.

"Me too," he rejoined when she lifted her upper body slightly.

His eyes skirted over her face. He was happy to see she was no longer pale as a ghost. Her lovely golden color had returned. His forefinger drifted across her cheek playing connect the dots with the freckles there. He returned her smile. His finger slid down to trace her soft pink lips.

His eyes fixed themselves on her chest. All he could see was a wall of cleavage. The dress disappeared underneath as her breasts pushed over the top from being pressed to his chest where she lay on top of him.

"What are you wearing?" he asked, his smile dropping into a lopsided, roguish grin.

"Oh," Millie gasped, swiftly shimmying off of his body. She grabbed the sides of the jacket, wrapping it around her as she walked toward the window. "I've got to get new clothes. Ram said we would go shopping tomorrow."

"Great. Let me see what you're wearing now," Subaru requested, sitting up on the bed but leaning back on his hands.

"No," she flatly refused.

"Oh, come on," he said, standing up to walk toward her.

"No," she repeated, hugging herself to hold the garment around her more securely.

"Please, let me see."

"It looks terrible. It...it doesn't cover as much as it should."

"There isn't a part of you I haven't seen," he reminded her, extending his hand toward her. "Come on."

Millie rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. What could she possibly hide from him? She opened the jacket. As she spread her arms, his eyes opened wider and wider until she thought his eyeballs might fall out of his head.

"Wow," Subaru gasped, looking her up and down.

"It's hers. Emilia's. I don't have a body like hers, and this dress doesn't fit well at all because of that. It looks awful. Doesn't it?" She closed the robe.

"No, it doesn't. I actually quite like it," he said, gliding his fingers along the silk lapel of the robe.

"I'm not like her at all," she sniffled, taking a step back from him.

"No. You're not," he agreed, closing the distance between them to stand chest to chest with her.

"She's beautiful."

"So are you," he countered, taking her face between his hands.

"It's easy to see why you fell in love with her at first sight. She's also extremely kind and caring."

"So are you." He kissed her; a gentle meeting of their lips before he lifted his head to gaze down at her. "You're just plain wonderful. And I'm crazy about you."

Millie closed her eyes, laying her head in the curve between his neck and shoulder where it fit so well.

"I love you. All of you," he assured her, putting his other arm around her waist to embrace her tightly. "I love everything about you."

Subaru held her for several minutes. When her body stiffened in his arms, he dropped them from around her. His eyes studied her back when she turned toward the window. She stood tall and straight. Her shoulders squared. She appeared to be holding her breath.

Millie looked out across the property but didn't see a thing. Her mind tumbled and rolled, mulling their situation over and over in an attempt to make sense of it. The biggest questions plaguing her mind: what exactly was the relationship between Subaru and Emilia, and what will it be now?

Subaru came to stand beside her so he could see her face. Her eyes had that vacant, faraway look she got when thinking hard about something. She crossed her arms over her chest, grasping her shoulders as if forming a shield. Her eyebrows drew together, and her soft mouth took a severe downturn. The grim expression she wore told him there was more wrong here than an ill fitting dress.

"Is there something else going with you? This is about more than the dress isn't it?" Subaru asked, wishing she would look at him.

"You were in love with her. Weren't you?" Millie asked, her voice so low he could barely hear the question.

"That's what she told me," he said.

"You can't remember?"

"No."

Millie visibly winced, her fingers digging into her shoulders. Did she know he was lying? Suddenly he understood Emilia's motivation to spare his feelings. Every tender feeling he ever felt for Emilia had come flooding back, unbidden and unwanted, when he saw her. There was no way he could admit that to Millie.

"But hey, that was the past. You have me now!" Subaru exclaimed with forced exuberance. Raising his arms in the air, he spun in a circle. "I'm all yours, and you have nothing to be jealous of."

Subaru waited for a snarky 'Humble much?' in return or at least a scoff and roll of her eyes. Instead she said nothing. She did not even look at him. Was he actually being merciful, or was he being selfish and cruel by lying? He chewed his lower lip nervously as she stared straight ahead in silence.

"Even if you can't remember being in love with her, at some point during your absence, she fell deeply in love with you," Millie said finally. Although barely spoken above a whisper, her voice was like an accusing shout in his head. "I guess it's true what they say. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder."

"Seems that way," he sighed, going back to the bed to sit down. Flopping onto his back, he stared at the ceiling. "I don't know what to tell you, Millie. I don't know what you want me to say or do."

"I don't know either. I don't expect anything from you really," she said flatly in return.

This time he flinched. Closing his eyes, he tried to ignore the ache in his heart. The lack of emotion in her voice agitated him more than if she had spoken the words in anger.

"Don't you think it hurt you when she wasn't in love with you?"

"Most likely." The painful throbbing in his chest grew worse. It had hurt like hell.

"I'm sorry, Subaru," she apologized. "I can't imagine how confusing all of this is for you. I doubt having been here before actually helps at all when you can't remember a damn thing."

"Are you jealous of Rem?" Subaru questioned her, propping himself up on his elbows to look at her. Considering her reaction to Emilia, the validity of the question stood to reason - her reasoning, or lack thereof, at the moment anyway.

"Subaru, don't you think it would be petty and stupid of me to be jealous of a dead woman?" Millie sighed with exasperation. "I'm sorry I'm being ridiculous feeling jealous of Emilia. But you have to understand...I'm guessing your feelings for her ran very deep, that you loved her intensely. And she's right here. She's right in front of you, and she loves you...just like you always wanted her to."

"You're jealous of her?"

"How can I not be jealous of her? Yes, yes I am," she confessed, looking down to stare at her bare toes. "I know I'm being stupid and immature."

"You're being very stupid and immature," he agreed, feeling a bit like he was lobbing stones at her from the balcony of his own glass house.

Millie rolled her eyes.

"Emilia is so perfect. She's a king for god's sake. She's thin and gorgeous. That hair and skin...oh, my goodness," she sighed. "She looks like a lovely mythical creature."

"She's a half elf," Subaru informed her.

"Oh, great. An elf. Quite possibly the most beautiful fairy tale creature of all. My point is, she's so beautiful and absolutely perfect. She's everything I'll never be and I can't even compare with her. And after what she said...when she confessed her feelings for you...I can't help but be...nervous. I feel so intimidated and outmatched in so many ways beyond physical appearance."

"But I don't remember. I can't remember those feelings."

Maybe if he said it enough he would believe his own lies and push those feelings back into the recesses of his mind to be forgotten. It didn't matter anyway because he no longer loved Emilia despite that initial surge of feelings he experienced upon seeing her. It was just an automatic reaction he couldn't help. Those feelings were nothing more than nostalgic remnants from the past and didn't mean anything in the present

Millie looked over her shoulder at him.

"But what if you do remember? What if one day those thoughts of her, all of those feelings, come flooding back like your memories sometimes have?"

She turned back toward the window. Her arms tightened around her body as if she was hugging herself for comfort.

Subaru gulped. He was glad she was not looking at him because he was sure the guilt showed all over his face. He already knew what would happen. Absolutely nothing.

"What if you remember her and forget about me?"

Subaru got up and went to her. He put his arms around her in a backwards hug since she stubbornly refused to turn around.

"I love you, Millie," he whispered in her ear, hugging her so tightly she could barely breathe. "I can't forget about you."

"If you fell back in love with Emilia all over again I would understand," she went on as if he had said nothing. "Not only is she a lovely mythical creature and a king. She's so damn sweet I think I might get cavities being in the same room with her."

"The green eyed monster is a terrible thing, and it doesn't suit you," Subaru admonished her, spinning her around to face him. He was glad to see she was coming back to herself, sarcasm and all. "Listen to me. I love you. Everything about you. Even when you're being catty."

He squeezed her cheeks between his palms until her lips poked out giving her a fishy face. He kissed her puckered lips.

"I. Love. _You_," he said, enunciating each word as a sentence. "Don't you dare forget that."

"I won't. As long as you remember I love you too," she replied.

"Deal. That's one thing I will never forget - ever."


	13. A New Day in the New World

Author's Note: Hi all! Welcome to the update. I thought it was time to add a little bit of fluff and fun to lighten things up. Hope you like it. Happy reading!

* * *

Millie stood in the middle of the cobblestone road turning in a slow circle to take in everything around her. This place looks exactly like a Medieval style marketplace. Simple stalls constructed out of wooden poles covered by colorful material lines each side of the wide street. English Tudor style buildings sat in rows along the sidewalks behind the street merchants. It was as if she had been transported back in time instead of to a different world.

There is an abundance of fruits and flowers, some she recognized and some she did not. Pottery, jewelry, garments, and wares of all kinds. Sweet and savory scents of food being cooked and sold at the outdoor market carried through the air like a delicious perfume.

The booming voices of some merchants calling out to potential customers rose above the din of the many people shuffling through the marketplace. Musicians walked along the road or stood on the corners playing instruments or singing.

"This is amazing," Millie murmured in fascination.

"Hey, Millie! Come here!" Subaru called to her, waving her over to where he stood at a produce stall.

He picked up a red somewhat round fruit and held it out to her.

"What is this?" he asked her as she took it.

Bringing it to her nose she sniffed it. It looked like an apple and smelled like an apple. "An apple?"

His weird little quiz confused her.

"Sometimes things are the same but different here than in our world," he said as if quoting sage advice. "In our world, this..." He took the fruit from her, balancing it on the tips of three of his fingers. "...is indeed an apple. But here, this delicious red fruit is called a ringa."

He took a big bite of the crisp apple.

"Hey, buddy! Ya gonna pay for that? No free samples!" barked the scary looking merchant.

"Oh," groaned Subaru, his shoulders sagging. He did not have any money.

"Here," said Ram, handing the irate man coins to pay for the apple as well as the basket full of items hanging on her arm.

"Thank you," said the vendor smiling at Ram before fixing an evil glare on Subaru. "I'm watchin' you. Thief."

"But I didn't actually steal anything," Subaru whined.

"Barasu," Ram stated in a firm voice. "Please control yourself. Refrain from causing her highness any undue embarrassment."

"Y-yes, m-ma'am!" he stammered, standing up straight and saluting her as if she were a little general.

Millie covered her mouth with her hand to hide her smile of amusement. Although diminutive, Ram definitely possessed an imposing and commanding presence.

They walked to the next stall. While munching on his apple, Subaru engaged Millie in a game of 'name this food' while Ram perused the fruits and vegetables next to them. The game continued at the following stall as he taught her the names of many fruits and vegetables. While they played, Ram worked, choosing items to cook for tonight's dinner.

"Miss, we should go to he tailor's shop. It is over there," Ram said, indicating one of the permanent stores with a wooden shingle hanging in front decorated with the picture of a spool of thread and a needle.

"I think I'll stay out here and look around some more," Subaru said. "I'm enjoying getting reacquainted with the place."

"Is it nice being back?" Millie asked, feeling a bit sad. What if he didn't want to go back to their world?

"Actually...yeah, yeah it is," he admitted reluctantly. "I've been recovering quite a few of my memories since I've returned."

"Oh," she gasped, forcing her mouth into a smile. "Oh, that's good."

Why wasn't she happier about him recalling his past here? Maybe because part of that past involved him loving another woman.

"Barasu, go to the Butcher's shop and look over the selections for tonight's dinner. I will meet you there."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, bowing to her. He seemed to fall right back into his old role of being an employee of the Roswaal household, although it was now the Emilia household belonging to the 42nd King of Lugnica.

"Huh," Millie murmured upon seeing his odd behavior.

"Barasu was Roswall's butler," Ram said to explain.

"Why do you call him Barasu?"

"Because that's his name," she replied flatly.

"But...never mind." Millie closed her mouth with a click of her teeth. There was no point in arguing. To Ram, he was Barasu and always will be.

She watched him as he jogged down the row of stalls without looking at anything they were selling. Suddenly he cut across the plaza and disappeared into a shop. The words written on the wooden sign hanging above the door were written in a language she could not read. He seemed to know exactly where he was going. Strange.

It was as if he was becoming a different person. Or maybe he was reverting back to the person he used to be, the one who lived here before. She didn't know that man.

Fear brushed its frigid fingers across the back of her neck raising the hairs there and goosebumps down her arms despite the warmth of the day. She pushed away the doubts wanting to invade her mind but could not shake the apprehension they left behind.

"Miss," Ram said, tugging on Millie's sleeve. "We should go. We need to return to the mansion soon."

"Yes, of course."

Millie followed the small woman to the tailor's shop. A bell rang when they opened the door. A thin man wearing a vest, dress shirt, and suit pants stood behind the counter. A measuring tape hung around his neck.

He looked like any tailor in a modern day shop at home. But there weren't many left. Almost all clothes are manufactured in factories these days. Custom made clothing is a luxury reserved for those with much deeper pockets than she would ever have.

"Good morning, ladies. How may I help you?" the man inquired, stepping from behind the counter.

"This lady requires clothing. You can charge everything to the royal account," Ram told him. "Miss, I'm going to join Subaru so we can finish the shopping quickly. We will return for you."

"O-okay," she stammered.

"Come this way, please," the man said, placing his hand on her elbow to lead her toward the back left corner of the store.

Dress forms stood in a line against one wall. Some wore completed designs while other were in various stages of progress. Bolts of fabric were positioned on their sides and leaning against the walls or piled one on top of the other on the floor in stacks as tall as her.

Floor to ceiling windows encompassed the corner flooding the area with dazzling sunlight. A raised platform sat between the windows.

The tailor ushered her onto the platform and took the white measuring tape from around his neck. He pressed the end of the tape to her shoulder pulling it down to her wrist. Taking a small notebook from the front pocket of his vest, he wrote down the measurement.

"What kind of garments would you like?" he asked as he continued measuring and jotting.

"Uhm...well...I think..." Her mind raced as she tried to think.

Glancing to the other side of the shop for ideas, her eyes skirted over the clothes for sale hanging on the racks in order to decide what she would like to wear. She saw plenty of fancy ruffled dresses for women fit for a formal ball and suits for men. She was a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl but they did not have anything like that here.

However, in Medieval times there were pants and poet shirts. She always has liked Bohemian style clothing. So she began describing those types of clothing to the tailor.

"I think I understand. What about a dress? A lovely lady needs at least one dress for formal occasions. She should also have a casual dress or two as well. Miss, I'm about to take your breast measurement," he warned her, his cheeks blushing lightly. "Please don't slap me."

"You're just doing your job," she said, giving him an understanding smile.

Millie raised her arms for him to put the tape around her body using an awkward hug like gesture. Then he pulled the ends together in the front, keeping his eyes on the markers and avoiding looking at her chest at all costs. Once he had the number, he quickly dropped the tape and backed away.

"Do you require a maid's uniform?" he asked, his blush deepening as he turned to thumb through the nearby rolls of fabric. "For employment purposes, of course."

He was probably making a plausible assumption based on Ram's uniform and Subaru's behavior. It made sense to assume they were all servants.

"Uh, no," she replied, her own face heating with self-consciousness. The man seemed too nice to be hinting at anything else.

"Not even for fun purposes?" Subaru asked.

Her head whipped toward him. He stood to her left with a huge grin on his face.

"No!" Millie exclaimed, growing hot from head to toe. "When did you get here?"

"At a good time I'd say," Subaru rejoined.

"Miss, time to pick out fabric," the tailor interrupted.

"Want to help?" she asked Subaru.

"Sure."

The tailor returned to the front counter when another customer entered the shop. They were left to sort through literally hundreds of bolts of fabric of varying material, colors, and designs.

"What about this?" Subaru suggested, holding out a length of solid dark purple silk.

"Maybe for the formal dress," Millie murmured thoughtfully.

Her vision blurred a little and she stumbled forward when moving to the next grouping of fabric. She bypassed the gaudy prints that made her feel even more dizzy.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, putting his arm around her waist. He pulled her close, his lips brushing across her cheek.

"I'm fine," she assured him, laying her head on his shoulder. She did not want to admit she still felt a little dizzy. "Mmmm, you just wanted an excuse to get close to me."

"As if I needed an excuse," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"True," she laughed, patting his chest. "I am a little tired though."

"You're still not feeling better? You slept almost all day yesterday. You did not even join us for dinner last night," he said, his voice tight with concern.

There were reasons beyond exhaustion she had given her regrets for not attending dinner in the formal dining room with everyone in the household. Not only would she have felt horribly under-dressed in Emilia's presence, the unrelenting nausea would not have permitted her to eat.

The room spun around her as if she were a top spinning crazily in circles. It was probably due to her skipping breakfast this morning and choosing only to drink the coff to avoid vomiting.

"What's wrong?" Subaru asked her when she braced her arm against the nearest stack of material to hold herself upright.

"It's no big deal. I didn't eat breakfast."

"Why not?"

"I just...I just don't feel like it. No appetite. All of this is a lot to adjust to. How did you manage when you got here?" she asked. "At least I have you. You were all by yourself."

"I thought of it as being a video game," he replied matter of factly. "I treated everything like something I had experienced in a game. I'll admit, it took a while for everything to make sense to me. It is a lot."

"You were a gamer huh?" she inquired, wanting to know more about him and his past.

"Yeah. I was kinda accustomed to living in a fantasy world all of my own making. It was how I dealt with life...by not dealing with it. I was lazy. Unmotivated. I just...I just kinda didn't care about showing up to life and being an adult," he confessed, his cheeks turning red. "I was something of a NEET."

"A NEET?"

"It stands for Not in Education, Employment, or Training."

"So what did you do?" she asked, picking up bolts of a light weight cotton material in basic colors of white, black, and tan for her pants.

"Nothing," he mumbled, hanging his head in shame. "I stayed inside and played video games all the time. I didn't even cook. I ate convenience store food."

"You were kind of a loser, huh?" Casting a glance back over her shoulder, she smiled at him before moving on through the fabric forest.

"Tell me what you really think, sweetheart," he remarked, kissing the back of her neck. "But yeah, I was."

Subaru followed her to the pastel pile of fabric.

"I like the pink. You look good in pink," he said, extracting it from the bottom of the pile.

"You're not that man anymore so it doesn't matter. How did you survive?" she asked, pointing to a mint green, butter yellow, and aqua blue. "How about those?"

"I like those, but I prefer the peach instead of the yellow." He paused, pulling the indicated colors from the stack. "My parents gave me an allowance."

"Oh, no," she balked. "Not with my skin tone. Lilac then instead of both of those?"

He nodded.

"An allowance? And you were how old?" she teased him, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I know. Don't judge me," he retorted, feigning hurt.

"I'm not. It's just...ooh, what about this?" She held up a shiny satiny magenta colored fabric with fleur de lis imposed in a matte finish on it. "For one of the dresses."

"I like it. Hey look at this," he picked up a white lace shawl to show to her. "Make it a sleeveless dress and wear this with it."

"When did you become such a fashion maven?"

Subaru snapped his fingers, flicked his wrist, and put his hand on his hip. Using an effeminate voice, he said,"It's all because of you, honey."

"Oooh, no, don't do that," she admonished him, wrinkling her nose. "What are your parents like?"

"I have my Mom's eyes but for the most part I look like my Dad. Unlike me, he's very active and athletic. Lifts weights. Runs marathons. All that crap. Even at his age, he's a real ladies man and can get the phone numbers of high school girls," he said, following her straight into the undergarments section.

"Really?" She glimpsed over the selection of underwear which was as basic as basic can be.

"Yeah, really. I always wished I was more like him. A real ladies man," he repeated wistfully.

"I'm glad you're not _a real ladies man_," she said using a mocking voice when repeating the phrase. "I'm your lady, and you're my man. That works for me."

She picked up a pair of white silk underwear with lace ruffles on the back. She held them up for Subaru to see.

"Yes, please," he requested politely.

"One pair," she agreed. She should have known better to bring his attention to them even as a joke. "For special occasions."

"That works for me."

"If you look like your Dad, do you have your Mom's personality?"

Millie was shocked to see there were no bras. Her only choices where camisole-like tops or corsets. She had no doubt Subaru would love to see her in a corset. She hoped he didn't see them.

"No," he scoffed as if offended. "My mom is a real space case."

"Don't be mean," she snapped, slapping his arm gently. "It sounds like you weren't exactly tethered in reality."

"Don't you be mean. And I'm not being mean. Don't get me wrong. I love my mother. She can just be a real airhead."

The bell on the door rang signaling the entrance of another customer. The top of her pink head could barely be seen over the racks and shelves between them.

"Miss?" Ram called out.

"Over here," Millie returned, waving her arm high in the air so Ram could see her over the shelves in front of her.

"We can do more shopping later when we return to pick up your items. Please just choose the basics for now," Ram advised her when she saw Millie standing in front of the lacy undergarments. "Please choose shoes quickly."

Millie moved forward to the shoes. The small selection made her choices easy. She had no choice but to stick to the basics. Surely this town has a shoe store they can visit.

There were no numbers on the shoes to find her size. Even if there were sizes indicated, she guessed she would not be able to read it anyway. Pressing the soles of the shoes to the bottom of her present shoes, she managed to find her size in the gladiator style sandals and the knee high riding boots. The boot were actually men's but she could make do.

"Very good, Miss," Ram complimented her when on her choices when she joined her at the counter. "When can we expect her wardrobe to be completed?" she asked the tailor, getting down to business.

"Give me a week. Everything should be ready by your next shopping day. The order is for four shirts, four pairs of pants, a formal dress, and two casual dresses. I was able to find a few items I've already made in her size and the preferred styles. They have been boxed up. There's also the matter of undergarments and shoes," he added, writing numbers on his notepad. "I apologize that the selection is so small and basic."

"I don't mind. I'm not a very complicated person. I have a practical mind and tastes. I'm pretty basic," Millie said before thinking her choice of words through.

Subaru snorted barely containing his laughter at her inadvertently insulting herself. Millie elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ow!" he grunted. "That's what I meant about my mother being an airhead! That's the kind of stuff my mother does."

"Can you recommend a lingerie and shoe shop?" Millie asked the helpful tailor.

"There's a popular women's lingerie store at the end of the block. The shoe shop across the square has long lasting shoes but the one behind the fountain has the prettiest styles and best selection of shoes," he said.

Millie hoped they weren't here long enough for her to wear out a pair of shoes.

"We will be back next week," Ram reminded them. "We should be getting back to the mansion."

The tailor handed the wooden crate filled with her sparse clothing items to Subaru. They all bid him farewell. Subaru carried the box out to the wagon while Millie assisted Ram with carrying the baskets of food.

Millie climbed into the back of the wagon, reaching down for the baskets Ram handed up to her. After taking a seat on the floor amid the many purchases that had been loaded in the wagon throughout the day, she leaned her head against what could possibly be a sack of flour. Subaru moved the sack to sit down beside her and offer his shoulder to lean on instead.

"So you've remembered quite a lot," she said, taking him up on his offer and placing her head on the rounded part of his shoulder.

"Yeah," he said, reaching into a basket on the other side of him to pull out what resembled a pear. He shined it up using the hem of his t-shirt then handed it to her. "You should eat this."

Millie did not protest and took a bite of the fruit. It was sweet and juicy with a smooth soft texture and taste like a peach.

"Oh, that's interesting."

"Nothing is ever what it seems here. The same but different," he reiterated.

"What else have you remembered, Subaru?"

Subaru knew she was hinting at a certain sore subject. He sighed noisily. Time to come clean and be honest about how much he had recalled. In their easily flowing conversation he had given too much away already about how much he remembered to lie to her anymore.

"Since I've been back, it's like a door opened in my mind. More like a dam bursting. I'm remembering everything about not only my time here, but my life before I came here," he said, lacing his fingers with hers. He squeezed her hand before continuing. "I loved Emilia. We both already knew that. I recalled so many of the things I said to her, the things I did for her because I loved her."

"I see," she murmured in a soft voice.

Subaru breathed a sigh of relief that she did not try to pull away from him. He found it comforting she actually tried to hang on to him more tightly by grasping his hand.

"Just because I remember what I felt for her does not mean I feel that way about her anymore. The feelings themselves did not come back...only the actions and words," he explained, touching her chin with his forefinger to get her to look at him. "I love you, Millie. Emilia was my past. You are my present." He gave her a peck on the lips. "And my future."

"I love you, Subaru Natsuki."

He smiled, putting his arm around her shoulders to pull her to his side. "You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that."

"Thank you," she said, turning into him and nestling her head into the curve of his neck.

"For what?" he asked, his belly quivering in anticipation of her next words.

"For being honest with me," she answered, putting her arm around his waist.

"Of course you already knew I remembered," he sighed, tightening his arm around her shoulders to pull her closer to him. "That's why you were so angry yesterday."

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I just wanted you to feel like you could be completely honest with me. That's why I didn't accuse you of lying...although you were." She tilted her chin upward, kissing him on the neck.

"You know me frighteningly well. Almost better than I know myself," he laughed lightly, pulling her into his lap. He hugged her tightly, nuzzling her neck and making her giggle. "And that is why you are the love of my life."


	14. The Greedy Heart

Millie woke up before the sun. Restless and alone, she paced the room. Subaru stayed in a room separate from hers as a gesture of respect for their hostess and her feelings. While Millie appreciated his thoughtfulness, she hated being without him in this bizarre new world she not understand. The fact that he had several friends here and she knew no one made her feel even more lonely and afraid.

She had only left this room once so far for their shopping trip. The time had come for her to venture out again. It appeared they were going to be here for a while so she might as well become accustomed to her surroundings.

After dressing in a loose white shirt, brown pants, and her new boots, Millie went to the door of the room. With her hand on the knob, she pulled in a deep breath then opened it. Looking both ways down the deserted hallway, she timidly stepped out.

Her heart beat faster, and her belly tightened. She began to sweat. This apprehension, the fear of the unknown, reminded her of how she felt when Hal was gone and the divorce was final. She was starting over again. This time among strangers in a strange place. It was terrifying.

_Is this how Subaru felt?, _she wondered as she walked down the hall. At least she was not battling a concussion and memory loss in addition to being thrust into an odd situation among people he did not know.

Intrusive thoughts that disturbed her on a visceral level followed. Are Subaru's feelings for her real? Did he genuinely love her? She prayed the feelings did not stem from some benign form of Stockholm Syndrome resulting from the fact he had no one else in their world but her to cling to after his accident.

Maybe they had both been brought here as a test of their relationship. Who the hell knows? Her brain was reaching, pulling out all the stops while trying to make sense of their circumstances.

Millie weaved through the maze of long halls decorated like an art museum with paintings on the walls along with sculptures, busts and full bodied, placed in strategic areas along the way. Following the path Ram had taken her through yesterday to make their trip into the nearby village, she exited through the back of the mansion that opened onto the palatial rear lawn.

In the distance, several ground dragons ran free across the wide open space. The forest that surrounded the mansion created a natural barrier around the property but without actually fencing them in. The dragons were left free to roam as they pleased which had been a very good thing for them since Patrasche was the one who found her master and Millie after they crash landed here.

Millie strolled along the pristine white cement pathways among the flawlessly pruned flowering hedges bordering them. She inhaled the sweet, heady perfume of the white and purple flowers blooming among the green waxy leaves. For the first time since arriving here, she did not feel sick or achy or tired. Perhaps being transported here had imparted some outsize form of jet lag. She imagined being thrust into an alternate dimension had to take a major toll on the body.

As she walked, she kept her eyes on the ground dragons. Two of them nudged each other with their noses, one pushing the other over before standing over it to keep poking at it with its snout in a playful manner. She smiled. They were playing together like puppies. The black ground dragon standing apart from the others, its nose to the ground sniffing, raised its head and sniffed the air.

Millie recognized that one as Patrasche. That dragon seemed to adore Subaru, having an affection and loyalty to him on par with that of a dog. The dragons shared many traits in common with horses and canines both.

The black dragon appeared to look straight at her before trotting over. Millie stayed still as the creature cautiously approached her, bobbing her head up and down and side to side as her yellow eyes inquisitively studied the human in front of her.

_Don't be afraid, don't be afraid, _her inner voice chanted to keep her calm as her heart threatened to beat out of her chest. Remembering how to interact with a skittish horse, she extended her hand, palm flat .

Patrasche took a tentative sniff from a distance. She turned her head so her her deep yellow eyes with vertical slits could examine the woman carefully before taking another step closer.

Those eyes showed intelligence and reasoning as they looked over Millie. Her entire body began to shake under the scrutiny of those sharp eyes. Her eyes drifted over the feather-like projections from the back of the dragon's head and hanging down the sides. The flat black scales were diamond shaped, smooth and overlapping. The sand colored scales under neck and along her belly had a slight iridescence to them making them resemble pearls.

Patrasche took another step closer standing up to her full height of at least eight feet. Her short arms equipped with four inch long curved talons remained curled in front of her. The talons on her feet were just as long and sinking into the soft grass where she stood. There was also a talon on the inner part of her ankle that could be used to rip Millie to shreds as if the others would not be enough.

Millie was suddenly reminded of the velociraptors she had seen in movies. Raising her hand above her head in a gesture of surrender, she bowed her head, squeezing her eyes shut to await her fate.

Suddenly she felt a rough, scaly muzzle pushing into her palm. There was a slight snorting then a chuff. Hot breath blew across her palm. Seconds later, she had a big, powerful head pushing against her chest and neck. The scales scraped across her skin reminding her of the sensation of briars brushing across her skin when picking wild blackberries.

Her horses did this to her when they wanted to be petted so she brought her hands to the dragon's neck being careful to run them along the same direction direction of the scales to keep them from being cut up by the hard and slightly sharp plates. Patrasche made a sound reminiscent of a nicker, almost like a soft purr - the same sound she made when being reunited with Subaru.

"I'm glad you like me," Millie murmured to the dragon, continuing to stroke her cheek and neck. "I like you too. I really like your master. I love him actually. I hope he feels the same, and it's not just all an illusion. I want it to be as real as this place. As real as you are."

"It is," a female voice behind her confirmed.

Millie jumped, startling Patrasche who swiftly backed away from her. She whirled around to see Emilia standing a few feet behind her. She panted to catch her breath because her heart completely stopped for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you," Emilia apologized, bowing to her.

Millie bowed in return, staying bent and keeping her eyes on the ground.

"I'm sorry I have been such a rude guest...staying in my room and not even thanking my gracious hostess for her hospitality. Thank you, your highness," Millie said, standing up straight.

"Oh, call me Emilia please," she requested, her perfect porcelain cheeks turning dark pink. "You were not feeling well so it's understandable you did not feel like socializing."

Millie could not help but notice how the blush made the color of the woman's purple eyes intensify making them even more beautiful. A smile formed on her lips in response to the gentle one on Emilia's face.

"You don't have to be so formal with me. Actually, I would prefer you not call me your highness while I'm here. I'm on vacation after all," Emilia reminded her, and herself as well.

She had taken a break from looking over official documents she had brought with her. Deciding on taking a stroll to relax, she never imagined she would encounter Millie out here. By the wide eyed expression and pale face of the woman in front of her, neither did she. Her belly fluttered nervously as she looked at the woman who had stolen Subaru's heart completely.

"Subaru loves you with all of his heart. There is no reason for you to doubt that," Emilia said to reassure the woman whose misgivings she had overheard being uttered to the ground dragon.

"I heard what you said to him when we first arrived," Millie said, her voice breathy and low as the lump forming in her throat threatened to cut off her ability to speak completely. "At first, I thought I had dreamed it. I was only half conscious at the time. Heck for at least a day I thought all of this was a dream. It was difficult to separate reality from imagination."

Millie's eyes skirted over Emilia's pointed elf ears and her small childlike face bearing an ethereal beauty she had only seen on actresses wearing lots of make up and seen through a fuzzy dream like filter. Fiction had become her reality which unfortunately made her question things she normally would not. Emilia once held Subaru's heart in the palm of her hand making her doubt those feelings disappeared without a trace.

In addition to her beauty, she was sincere, kind, and had a generous, loving heart that anyone could see upon meeting her. How can you hate someone so sweet and earnest? There was no way she could hate this woman, and guilt washed over her from the intense jealousy she had felt toward her before even speaking to her.

"I'm sorry!" Millie exclaimed, bending deeply at the waist to show the depth of her regrets.

"Uhm...for what?" Emilia hesitantly asked.

Millie was too embarrassed to answer but stayed in her bent position. She felt a gentle, cool hand on her shoulder. She raised her head but not her body.

"Millie, stop. Stand up and hold your head high. You've done nothing wrong," Emilia assured her.

Millie straightened her back, squaring her shoulders and looking the woman in the eye.

"I was jealous. I hated you. I was afraid..." Her voice faltered and cracked. She inhaled a deep, shaky breath, looking away momentarily. "I was afraid Subaru would realize he never actually loved me at all when all of his feelings and memories of you came back."

Emilia raised her hand to her mouth in shock. "I was envious of you because he rejected me, telling me how much he loves you."

"Really?" gasped Millie, blinking at her in disbelief.

Emilia kept her hand at her mouth to hide her smile. Relief flooded her system so profoundly she became giddy with it. A giggle, no matter how inappropriate, escaped her. Her guest's face twisted in confusion, obviously puzzled by her odd reaction.

"I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you. I just never expected we were feeling the same way. I have to admit I was actually glad you were staying in your room. I'm embarrassed to say I was purposely avoiding visiting you. I was so dreadfully jealous," she confessed.

_She was jealous too? And avoiding me as much as I was avoiding her! I can't believe it!_, Millie thought, blushing hotly due to her own childish foolishness. Actually there was great consolation in knowing Emilia was feeling the same things as her.

"I'm glad I finally got a chance to talk to you, just the two of us, to get that out in the open," Emilia exhaled, showing her relief in a tangible way.

"Me too," Millie returned. "So what do we do now?"

Emilia shrugged. "Should we try to be friends?"

Millie did not see that they had any other choice. There was no reason to fight about it. A cat fight would only result in unnecessary injuries and hurt feelings that would make any kind of reconciliation even more difficult. Besides, their fighting would not sway Subaru's feelings except to make him angry with both of them.

"Friends it is then," Millie agreed, extending her hand.

Emilia took it and shook to resolve the situation. She knew the power of allies, and friends are precious.

Patrasche nuzzled Millie in the back, causing her to stumble forward. Emilia's arms instinctively shot out, grabbing the falling woman to prevent her from hitting the ground.

Millie could feel her face flooding with color, humiliated to be held upright by the woman who appeared so delicate and weak. Another one of her assumptions about Emilia was quickly crushed as the slender but strong arms released her to stand on her own two feet again.

Sometimes she forgot it's not wrong to depend on other people for help and accept friendship even from the most unlikely sources like the woman who could very well be considered her rival in the realm of love. Putting that immature thought of some supposed competition aside, she pushed the stray curl behind her ear self-consciously and tried to regain her composure.

"My hero," Millie said, bowing slightly to show her gratitude for Emilia preventing her from falling on her face.

Both women began to laugh.

"Apparently she wants us to be friends too," Emilia chuckled, reaching out to pat the dragon's head.

Patrasche accepting Millie had to mean something. The dragon had developed an attachment to Subaru and had protected him fiercely during their battles. Both women petted the dragon in appreciation for bringing a bit of levity to the tense situation.

"Breakfast will be served soon," Emilia announced. "We should return before they begin looking for us."

~\'/~

* * *

Subaru stood at the door leading to the Forbidden Library. He was sure he had found the correct one. He could feel her presence.

HIs fingers trembled as he lay them against the wood. What would Beatrice have to say to him after all this time? He had no doubt she would be angry - and rightly so. He did not like her when she was angry: small but mighty with lots of attitude and equipped with powerful magic.

"Be a man," he coached himself, slapping his palms against his cheeks to brace himself. "I can do this. She won't kill me. Maybe. Hopefully."

Subaru blew out a noisy breath, turning the shiny brass knob held in his hand, pushing forward, and entering the room lined with shelves harboring thousands of ancient and mystical texts. There she sat on the stool in the middle of the room perched next to her little round tea table. When she looked at him, her big blue eyes with the pink flower shaped pupils held such sorrow it took his breath away. She was not angry or surprised - just incredibly sad.

His breathing quickened, and he felt dizzy. He would have preferred for her to be enraged, to scream at him or to hurl her tea cup at his head- to do something besides sit there staring at him with those sad eyes. He would have known how to react to her fury.

"Beako," he whispered.

"It's about time you came to see me," she muttered irritably, the sadness fleeing as a furrow dug itself between her eyes and aggravation narrowed her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, bowing to her. "Things have been - "

"It's been a long time Subaru Natsuki. Five years in fact. I thought you were dead," she sighed, picking up her tea cup to gingerly take a sip.

"Am I about to be?" he inquired apprehensively, gulping audibly to force down the lump in his throat.

"If you were, you would already be dead, I suppose," she remarked, glowering at him.

"I guess so," he rejoined.

"Why are you here, Subaru? What do you want from me?" Beatrice questioned him curtly in her typical forthright manner.

To be so diminutive and childlike, Beako could be intimidating and downright scary. But he knew she cared about him and was hurt by his sudden and long term disappearance. Honestly, he really did not know how to answer her questions. He had no good reasons, no bad ones either, and no excuses to offer her for leaving or coming back.

"I just came to say hello. I wanted to see you after being gone so long. I don't really want anything from except what I've always wanted...your friendship."

"We have a contract. We're not friends," she corrected him despite both of them knowing there was more to their relationship than a forced obligation.

Subaru genuinely cared about her. Although she would be loathe to admit it and deny it with every breath in her body, she cared about him.

"I don't know what happened, Beako. I was transported back to my world with no memories of this one. And now I'm back," he added, shrugging as if to indicate he had no idea what else to say. "I've gotten my memories back and things are so different. I don't...I don't know what I'm supposed to think or feel...about anything."

"That woman you brought with you," she began.

Subaru inhaled sharply, holding his breath. He had no idea what she might say next. It did not surprise him she knew about Millie's presence. Beatrice knows everything that goes on in this mansion including being aware of the presence of anyone and everyone in the house.

He wondered if she would know how Millie was brought with him. Probably not since she had no clue why he had been returned here. Her powers did not include being omniscient. Disappointment wiggled around in his gut making him nauseated.

"What is she to you?" Beatrice asked, straightening her back and lowering her eyes to look down on him despite her position of sitting down on the stool.

"She is the woman who took care of me. She loves me." Subaru did not know why he was avoiding admitting his true feelings about Millie to Beatrice. He had confessed them so freely to Emilia after she made her confession to him. What is wrong with him?

"She is the woman you love, I suppose," she huffed. "What about Emilia?"

"What about Emilia?" His stomach lurched and tumbled uncertainly.

"You no longer love her? You followed her around like a puppy, always at her heels...begging for her to notice you, to love you. It was pathetic," she snapped.

Subaru could feel anger swirling around deep inside his belly.

"She wasn't the only woman I loved," he informed her. "I had another life in between. I loved another woman."

"Rem, I suppose. And now this woman. You are not a man. You are a repulsive pig. So tragically greedy. Does loving them, in fact, totally diminish your feelings and negate everything you once held so dear to your heart about Emilia?"

Subaru's eyes narrowed into angry slits through which he glared at the sometimes far too outspoken spirit.

"What are you trying to say, Beako?"

"i'm saying those feelings for Emilia have not been totally eradicated like you think. In fact, you need to sort out your heart, I suppose. Decide what you feel and who you truly love, before you hurt both of them," she said, lifting her chin and turning her head away to show her disgust. She folded her arms over her chest, refusing to look at him.

Subaru stood stunned, his pride wounded, as if she had slapped him across the face. He had not expected a tearful, happy reunion from her but he had not anticipated being emotionally attacked either. Her words barbed words stung. The hint of truth held therein is what hurt the most. But he knew although he still cared about Emilia, he no longer harbored romantic feelings for her. Beatrice could not be more wrong.

"Look deep inside your heart, Subaru Natsuki, and figure it out," she warned him in an almost threatening tone. "Before you destroy them both and lose everyone who means anything to you."

"Does that include you?"

"You've always been so selfish and positively arrogant. How could I like anyone like that?"

Subaru smiled. But she did like him. They actually shared the attributes of being self-centered and a bit conceited. However, he had changed. He was no longer that person.

"Beako?"

After hearing her affectionate nickname spoken from his lips, Beatrice sniffed haughtily and lifted her nose higher into the air, closing her eyes to further her refusal of looking at him. He had always found her adorable when she acted like a pouting child.

"Would like to meet Millie?" he asked her, noting she visibly flinched at the suggestion but still would not turn her face to him.

"I suppose," she acquiesced with an agitated sigh. "If you insist."

He didn't insist, in fact. However, he knew Beako would be too curious about Millie to say no to the invitation.

Subaru held Beatrice's hand as they walked to the dining room. Weariness had started to overtake him due to her gradually sapping his mana, but he continued to cling to her hand. He had forgotten how exhausting it could be having her drain away his very life force. A nap would be needed after breakfast.

It was time for Millie to come out of hiding. If she was tired and feeling bad after breakfast, they could take that nap together. He planned to go retrieve her from her room after leaving Beako with Emilia who would already be in the dining room. He did not want the reluctant spirit to run away to avoid meeting Millie.

Upon nearing the room, he could hear voices. First he heard Emilia but could not make out exacting what she was saying. A giggle followed. But it wasn't hers. His stomach clenched, and he froze in his tracks. That was Millie laughing.

"Subaru?" Beatrice called to him when he let go of her hand and ran to the dining room.

Subaru entered the room to see the two of them at the table already eating. Emilia sat at the head of the table of course. Millie sat to her right in the seat where he usually sat. She had ceased moving and talking when saw him, the coffee cup paused in the air mid way to her mouth.

"Oh, Subaru, good morning!" she cheerily greeted him as if this was the way they started every morning.

"What's going on here?" he asked, his eyes bouncing back and forth from one woman to other. Uneasiness swam around in his gut making him feel as if his insides were turning to liquid.

"Breakfast," Emilia replied. "Are you going to join us?" Her eyebrows drew together and her face tightened into an expression of worry. "You look a little sick. Are you all right?"

"I'm...I'm, I'm fine," he stammered, feeling Beako at his back clutching his shirt. He looked down to see her peeking around him like a shy child.

Millie's eyes lowered from his face to the little blonde behind him. "Who's that?"

"My name is Beatrice," she declared proudly, stepping from her hiding place behind Subaru. "I suppose the least you can do is stand when meeting someone for the first time."

Millie quickly got out of her chair, standing away from the table to stand tall then bow politely in greeting.

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Beatrice. Subaru told me about you," she said.

"He did?" she asked, surprised.

"I did, in fact," he confirmed, smiling down at the astonished Beako.

Subaru smiled as her face turned pink, and her lips poked out in a pout. He felt like he had accomplished an amazing feat by actually catching her off guard. He had told Millie about her, doing his best to explain the caretaker of the Forbidden Library and the concept of his contract with her. He knew the two would eventually meet, and he wanted Millie to be prepared. The feisty and blunt spirit could be a lot to handle.

"Will you sit by me so we can talk and get to know each other?" Millie suggested, pulling out the chair for her.

"What? What about me?" Subaru asked, his fragile ego cracking.

Millie waved her hand. "Sit anywhere you like. There's plenty of chairs."

"Come sit by me," Emilia requested, indicating the chair on her left side with a wave of her hand.

"Sure thing," he accepted with a grin.

Happiness filtered through his body making his extremities tingle. This little introduction was going better than he thought. As he spooned food onto his plate, he glanced around at the three women conversing about hair and clothing. A smile tilted his lips. He had dreaded all of them meeting and never imagined they would get along so well.

His eyes settled on Millie who was turned to look at Beako while asking her about the books in the Forbidden Library. Millie loved books and reading. He would have to teach her to read the language while here. He had learned after all so surely Millie could learn it.

His attention diverted to Emilia next. She smiled broadly at Millie who asked her about what she used to wash her hair. There was an unexpected pricking sensation in his heart like a needle poking into it. _You're wrong, Beako._

Beatrice's ominous advice floated back to him. _"Look deep inside your heart, Subaru Natsuki, and figure it out...before you destroy them both and lose everyone who means anything to you."_

He had already lost Rem with no hope of getting her back. He had been given a second chance to reconnect with Emilia and Beako, but only after falling in love with Millie. It all had to mean something and that was why he was brought back here. That mysterious reason eluded him.

Subaru knew he had to proceed very carefully. He could not afford to screw this up. He did not want to lose a single one of them. Beako was right: he is incredibly selfish and arrogant. After all, why did he think a piece of shit like himself deserved to have these three wonderful women in his life? Whether he deserved it or not, they are here, and he wanted them all to stay.

Ram entered the room with a silver pot of coffee. He gulped, choking back the tears that suddenly clogged his throat at the reminder of another woman he loved so dearly. Save the one obvious and heart breaking absence, all of the women he cared about the most are here together. Call it greedy, he wanted to every one of them by his side.


End file.
